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SanctionedSkittles

SanctionedSkittles

Skittles
Feb 17, 2022
13
Yesterday was beautiful, and all I could think about was what a perfect day it would have been to die.
I got off the bus in the evening just as the sun set, and the sky was cloudless, with a very beautiful gradient from black to blue to orange. My favourite music was playing. It was chilly out, but my jacket kept me the perfect temperature, and it felt like I was being hugged in a warm blanket. It was silent, dark, and there was nobody around. The sky was so beautiful that I almost teared up, and my breath literally shook. There was this pressure that formed in my chest, and a feeling of nostalgia.
I had to stop and just look up to appreciate how perfect the general atmosphere was. I was feeling great, I was for once not at all depressed, and was even feeling elated. All I could think about was how perfect it would be if I died right there and then.
Of course, reality set when a car drove by, and I became self-aware of having a stupid expression and just staring up at nothing with my mouth open.
Now, the next day, I'm just lying in bed regretting and missing that feeling. The brief moment of no anxiety, no depression, no survival instinct, and no fear of death.
 

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Rounded Agony

Rounded Agony

Hard to live, hard to die
Aug 8, 2022
785
The simple pleasures. But the million dollar question: if you'd had your chosen method at hand, would the serenity of that experience have remained intact? I have moments like this (rarely), and think there's a difference between the perfect moment to "spontaneously stop being alive" and "actively put an end to my own life". At least for me.

Thanks for the photo, by the way :-}
 
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Venom85

Venom85

SN arrived!
Oct 19, 2022
23
Same happen to me the other day, when sometime I feels too much pressure and depression I'm going to walk out with my favourite music and enjoy the surrounding (I live in a big city, so unfortunately not a lot of nature).

Beautiful photo :happy:
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
41,997
That sky is so amazing. I would ideally like to peacefully pass away while looking at a view like that. It must had been a relief for you to be able to let go of your feelings but I understand why you would feel regretful. I do hope that when the time feels right for you to leave this world, you find freedom from your suffering.
 
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