A forced goodbye.

[throwaway123]

I really don't want to die. I'm afraid of death. I can't live and things are now rushing down on me forcing me to do it. There are so many reasons why I am doing this, I lost count. I can barely talk and I have approached my deadline. I wish things would've turned out differently but I am unable to change now. The truth is that this world is shit. I mean it. Don't fucking tell me otherwise. I've seen it with my own two eyes. I get that for some people life can be very beautiful but life is not for everyone. I can't bear this any longer and I am tired. Tired of procastinating,tired of life and it's endless tasks and expectations. I'm not sure excactly when but in the next couple of days I am going to end my life. I already got my method ready all I am afraid of is the horrible pain that I will feel in my last moments. But that is life. Cruel and unforgiving.
A bit of impuslivity will help. I bet noone will even bother to read this. I've tried my best but I couldn't succeed with the things I've been given. And honestly I don't see the appeal anymore. Everything is a competition. There's no love in this world. It's all fake. I don't want to do anything anymore. I no longer desire this miserable shit life I've been given and I'm sick of sitting here waiting for my death instead of actually doing it. I don't know why I have procastinated this for so long . I've been wanting to die for 3 years but I haven't done shit. I only had 2 serious attempts. After that I got tired. And I don't want to continue working my ass off to afford this shit life. I'm tired. so tired. I wish someone would just come and shoot me but I know it's not that easy. You have to do it yourself if you really want it. In the past I always hade the choice of my life being cancer or cholera. Bad or really bad. So far I've been chosing bad obviously but right now bad has become worse. I don't want to continue this life. I can definetly not see myself continuing for another year, a month or even a week. It's impossible and I have realized it now. I never thought it would come this far but it has. I'm done. I have only one way out now. This world, I was never supposed to be here. What a joke life is. Always trying to keep you in the most miserable state possible. It takes a lot of effort to die. That, I learned. And I'm willing to take this effort now. It's hard but remember. It's worth it.

 

[Meena]

U r right life isn't beautiful for for everyone.
I have seen people including myself struggling and making a lot of efforts for nothing. Sadly

 

[ephemeral]

I did read your entire post carefully. It touched me and to so many things I can relate so well. This endless pointless heartless competition. Procrastinating.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Sorry for what you're going through, can't even imagine what it's really like. I hope you find peace.

 

[Tiburcio]

Lots of people continue doing inhuman effort for survive, living one more day, procrastinating an unaviodable death, but life is so unique that they firmly believe their scourge is a blessing. The conditions for having a really decent life are extremdly rare and if you don't have them, you csn't do anything.

I wish you peace when you escape from here.

 

[okaoki]

i can relate to some many things you said , life is harsh ,I hope you can find peace .

 

[Nauseated]

"Everything is a competition"
Yes, life is a giant game filled with smaller games you were forced to play.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

What is your method?

 

[Larez]

I wish you all the best with your choice.

Lots of people continue doing inhuman effort for survive, living one more day, procrastinating an unaviodable death, but life is so unique that they firmly believe their scourge is a blessing. The conditions for having a really decent life are extremdly rare and if you don't have them, you can't do anything.

I wish you peace when you escape from here.

Well said. Human life is hardly anything else but a competition for acquiring things of more or less assumed value, or a game of survival for one more uncertain, hardly bearable day in which you can judge reality by your own personal outlook, while convincing yourself that you are 100% unique. But in reality that doesn't matter at all, since there are literally billions of other carcasses just trying to get by whilst there is any life in them, and millions of them have had enough, and nothing will be there to remember when we will just smoothly swirl in the nonexistence of death, while the whole eternity passes at the blink of an eye. Seriously, another existence would just be cruel at this point ffs.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

I wish you all the best with your choice.



Well said. Human life is hardly anything else but a competition for acquiring things of more or less assumed value, or a game of survival for one more uncertain, hardly bearable day in which you can judge reality by your own personal outlook, while convincing yourself that you are 100% unique. But in reality that doesn't matter at all, since there are literally billions of other carcasses just trying to get by whilst there is any life in them, and millions of them have had enough, and nothing will be there to remember when we will just smoothly swirl in the nonexistence of death, while the whole eternity passes at the blink of an eye. Seriously, another existence would just be cruel at this point ffs.

Were about as unique as each cow,pig or chicken is.

 

[Volatile]

I feel exactly the same. I can't stop crying. Until a few weeks ago, I hadn't cried in years. I don't want to die but I also feel pushed into it.

 

[misanthrope1]

I feel the same and can relate. Life is pretty bad for me too, a lot of people say I have it okay. To them I might, but to me I feel like my life is shit. There's no balance in my life, the negative always outweigh the positive. I've always been unlucky, lonely, an outcast. I know its all about perspective but I cant change the way I think, I think most people cant change the way they are, the way they think. I'm sure I could move on content in life if I could somehow reprogram/rewire my brain. But I cant. I wish I could delude myself into thinking everything is alright, but I can't. I'm a realist. I see things for the way they really are. This world is full of sh***y people and is runned by sh***ty people. Everything operates on money and greed. I don't want to live like a hippy in the middle of nowhere and I don't want to live the rat race any longer. Suicide is my only answer, but I cant because I am afraid of the pain, any kind of death involves pain whether conscious or unconscious until that last moment when supposedly endorphins are released from the body. But then, who knows what happens after that? Its the mystery of the unknown that scares me as well. Do we just quit to exist? or is there something beyond? Nobody knows.

 

[EternalSleep]

Are you my future self?

I read your entire post and I am sorry it has come down to this. I am not yet suicidal... I am at the depressed state. My life is shit and it is sickening to know that money would make it all better. This world is cruel.

I hope your suffering ends for good. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

 

[okaoki]

I feel exactly the same. I can't stop crying. Until a few weeks ago, I hadn't cried in years. I don't want to die but I also feel pushed into it.

its the same as me , why so many of us are so relatable?
past days cried so hard never been in this state.