Resource A helpful mindset for dealing with 'life'

[TAW122]

TAW122 offers up yet another resource for recovery, for those who are interested. This is a "philosophy" or mentality that I have that worked for me and if anyone is interested or finds helpful to try it out, feel free to. Anyways, without further ado, here it is.

This is the concept, mentality, philosophy or whatever you wish to call it, the "Lose to Win" mindset. So what do I mean by that? Basically, it involves some sort of reverse psychology and reframing of goals and perception. If you hope to recover and also go against society, this would actually be an interesting mindset, mentality to go with. In many people's view, if you don't conform or follow a certain path or do something that results in success (where success is defined by societal constructs and what the majority deems as success), then you have failed (according to their standards). However, by having the "Lose to Win" mindset, it completely flips everything around, kind of like in reverse. It also loosely takes inspiration from the quote "The best way to win a fight is not to fight at all" Say for instance, you failed and all your peers succeeded (got good careers, good family, luxury, big houses, nice cars, etc.), but then you decide to "fuck the game, I don't want to play" (playing society's game and it's standard for "success"), then in a sense, you have won, because you have not joined them or succumbed to their will or perception of success. In my case, I am someone who has not only earned a Bachelor's in Computer Science, but also a Master's In Software Engineering, but today I don't have a career, much less, unemployed, and live with parents. So by society's and my peers' standards, I have failed, however, in my eyes, I have WON because I am not them and I am not partaking in the rat race, nor (currently) contributing towards a society that I don't support or agree with it's values.

Be warned though, it can be a dangerous mindset in some cases and may result in bad results or other consequences if used in inappropriate situations or wrong applications, but it's something that I found to be useful as a coping tool nevertheless.

 

[Sensei]

I really like this. I have a similar philosophy actually. We should not try to adapt to destructive norms, but ignore them or even outright reject them. Why try to fit into a society which is dysfunctional in nature? We should be rebels, not victims. Of course, this is much easier said than done, but I think it's something we should strive towards. Allow me to illustrate what I mean:

 

[Deleted member 1465]

My mistake was trying to fit in. I realise that now. My brother quit his job and lived a much simpler life doing this and that but he was lucky. When I was younger I thought him dysfunctional for doing this. Now I realise he was right because it made him happy.
Life is a rat race you cannot win, so if you are going to play, why not cheat?

 

[Lethe]

Reading the OP was pretty hilarious to me-- they frame it as if it is some eye-opening revelation. This had always been abundantly obvious to me though, since I was a child. You need to take it farther though; the whole "win or lose" thing is entirely subjective to begin with. I think this is what's known as the concept of "super-sanity".

In addition, we all end up in the same ground regardless. Don't worry about what the other guy has, just focus on yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

It's basically reframing what victory means to you. Unfortunately, I think our minds are so deeply rooted in norms and expectations that I think for many this reframing would seem like a self-deluding type of thing. Our joy is tightly interlaced with societal expectations. Comparison w/ other people according to norms is probably just a strong evolutionary property. In fact, this very example that you provided was a comparison in itself but with a pleasant twist aka "victory".

I'd argue we compare ourselves to others more than we think and sometimes in very subtle ways.

So, Its not even comparison that we speak of... Its more about changing one's values to justify one's current condition. Basically, looking at things from a different POV. Its not very practical for most people.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Comparison is the thief of joy

I must have been living under a rock, not heard that one. Like it.

Edit: Facebook should have this as their tagline.

 

[mesohappy]

I must have been living under a rock, not heard that one. Like it.

Edit: Facebook should have this as their tagline.

I think that was Teddy Roosevelt said that..(?)

 

[Sensei]

It's basically reframing what victory means to you. Unfortunately, I think our minds are so deeply rooted in norms and expectations that I think for many this reframing would seem like a self-deluding type of thing. Our joy is tightly interlaced with societal expectations. Comparison w/ other people according to norms is probably just a strong evolutionary property. In fact, this very example that you provided was a comparison in itself but with a pleasant twist aka "victory".

I'd argue we compare ourselves to others more than we think and sometimes in very subtle ways.

Absolutely. I'd claim that it is possible to abandon the flock, though. There are members of this very forum who have managed to do that. On a sidenote, I think most evils in the world stem from people comparing themselves with other people.

So, Its not even comparison that we speak of... Its more about changing one's values to justify one's current condition. Basically, looking at things from a different POV. Its not very practical for most people.

I'm not sure it's only about changing one's values to justify one's current condition. One can simply choose to adopt new and better values. For this to be possible, I think it's necessary to have been an outlier from early on in life, though.

 

[Rome Horseman]

Thank you Teacher....


I mean Sensei!! You're a wise man

 

[Sensei]

I mean Sensei!! You're a wise man

I really wish there was some truth to that. I thank you anyway.

 

[Rome Horseman]

I really wish there was some truth to that. I thank you anyway.

But what you said was, smart and wise.. I would never think of that until someone said it..

 

[Esc9434]

I mentioned something similar in this thread...

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ng-into-people-i-once-knew.33457/#post-619673

 

[TAW122]

Interesting responses and makes sense especially @Whitewash11235814. Perhaps my mindset is closer to that of a defeatist and/or nihilistic view of life, but my core stance on life itself is that it has no objective meaning, but the meaning that we sentient humans assign to it. As for other examples, here are few IRL examples of how I cope and how I deal with life (when I was passively suicidal rather than actively).

Example #1:
Most of my peers and my own sister goes to really good universities (basically like Ivy League tier universities) and are doing well both career and job wise, but I don't mind the fact that I'm not. This is because I never really put my goals to be like them. By rebelling and doing my thing, I've sort of broke the mold and while in my peers' eyes, I have 'failed to reach my potential', I couldn't give two shits about it because I did not follow their footsteps and instead lived life on my own terms. I won by "losing" because I didn't succumb to their mold or be like them, but against them and rebelled.

Example #2:
Come tax season in 2020, while I worked most of 2019, I didn't earn over the standard deduction for filing taxes for the 2019 Tax Year (which is $12,200 for singles). I earned a few thousand less than that, thus I managed to get my full federal income tax return back (plus a bit more). Yes, while it's true that I am making much less money than my peers, and most people I know, I don't care. This is because I am not slaving away as much as they are, paying my hard earned money towards a system that I don't support or holds my values (at least a lot less). In a sense, I consider it a victory for myself (despite being well below the federal poverty line) because I am not contributing towards a system that I despise and joining the ranks of people I despise. Sure I may be financially less successful than them, but ethically and morally in my eyes, I kept my pride and dignity, so that's a win for me.

Example #3:
I don't have any children nor plan to have kids, whether biologically or adopted (I'm an antinatalist myself). Many of my peers (and probably my sister someday will) have kids and started a family, and all that, pretty much what society deems to be successful and appropriate. Since I don't, in society's eyes and my peers' eyes, I have lost, missed out, failed my roles, etc., but! I've considered myself to have 'won' because I don't have to deal with raising a child, family dynamics and drama, and all the negatives that come with it. I also don't mind being lonely in a home/apartment alone as I myself enjoyed a solitary lifestyle (for the most part). That isn't to say that I don't enjoy some human interaction time to time (acquaintances and what not), but I digress a bit.

These are just minor examples of what I mean by "losing to win" and there are many more, but these will suffice.

 

[puppy9]

or You can just set your life goals around, for example; I wanna be rich, and now switch it around, I wanna be poor. Boom goal achieved and you can work very hard to be even poorer. Just my bonkers idea. LOL

 

[Eridanos]

Your philosophy reminds me of Nietzsche's Transvaluation of values, but as Nietzsche said too, only the "Overman" someone that has become more than an human can successfully pull this over.