A mini (or maxi) vent--the feedback given to suicidal people.

[Tegan_sky]

I found a mental health meeting online earlier this afternoon. Supposedly connected somehow to NAMI. I check it out every so often. Today for the topic at the top of the screen, was, "The impact of suicide on friends and family." I've been in this meeting maybe a year ago with the topic of suicide, that day too. And ALL it was, out of people who supposedly have depression, were things spoken that, to me, lay guilt on that suicidal person, several people saying "When you kill yourself, you don't end the pain, you pass it on." To me, that statement alone lays guilt on the suicidal person. It angers me. I don't know where I need to go with this, this is a vent.

People take their own lives, and people who knew them then wring their hands and say "WHY didn't they tell anyone?!?!" Because suicidal people are being failed. Being offered up empty platitudes, guilt that they should stay alive, these and other things that not only won't help, but also make them feel worse. Talking about how much raw, DEEP pain one is in, is so taboo. I completely understand why suicidal people don't tell others. I have intimate experience with being suicidal at several points in my life.

When I was still seeing a do-nothing, insipid-advice-giving therapist, during one of my deep depressions, she was absolutely useless. The same old therapist cop out, "Just remember to breathe!!" To which I could well have said, "Sure therapist. Right before I jump I'll be sure to remember to breathe. Right before I get in the bathtub with a gun, I'll remember to breathe." I came up with the analogy of meat versus froth. I needed MEAT in those deep depressions, and I got froth instead.

I hope this makes sense and is relatable to some here. I'm not currently suicidal, have been going to CoDA and slowly feeling better in that program and actually getting a bit more self esteem. But I do have my hard experiences of being truly suicidal. And to see suicidal people still being failed, really angers and upsets me. Needless to say, this NAMI-related meeting earlier today, I got out and didn't go back in. It would have been too upsetting to hear the lack of true understanding of suicidal people, coming from people who are supposedly depressed, no less.

Vent over. Thanks for reading.

 

[timf]

There will always be frustration with those who have deficient skills for their trade. The therapist who tells someone to breath might be seen as just as qualified as the mechanic who says, 'Remember to drive'.

By recognizing the limitations of others, you might be better able to seek out those few who are not so limited.

 

[RagingCat]

People don't perceive death as a way to get out and escape from pain, that's why they don't understand how to talk to us. Guilt-tripping someone only makes things worse. That's why talking about it with normies is usually not very helpful and can lead to more depression or suicidal behavior. That's why we stop talking about it, that's why we stop seeking help.
I could only advise you to get a better therapist, who will understand your mental problems better and help you, instead of throwing toxic positive comments or telling u to breathe.