A somewhat valid reason to live...

[mint_parfait]

...which doesn't make any sense in reality: to assist others' ctb.

I've been a pro-mortalist and anti-natalist since long ago. I always saw the world as a random mixture of the good, bad and horrible, and that people should never be forced to open the loot box. So it was a relief when I finally found this website.
With all the resources here, I made a plan to ctb, but still could not act on it. Needed an isolated place, couldn't find any near. Unfortunately I'd have to wait. At least for a year.

Desperate and frustrated, some irrational thoughts spiralled in my head. Why did I fail to catch any chance in the past? Am I destined to keep living regardless of my will?

There came an idea: if I cannot ctb myself, at least I might be able to help others reach the same goal.

Not a good idea, probably, for a lot of different reasons. (Feel free to discuss your opinions here.) But at least I won't be bored for the next few years. And that was enough. For the first time I've got a real, genuine purpose of living.

To reach the goal of mine, studying medicine seemed like the easier way. No involvement in shady business and still having the resources right in your hand. So I went for it.

I tried to remember everything I learned, excel in every exam... and it obviously became a problem. It was worse because I didn't have any reason to live besides that goal. I didn't enjoy life at medical school. The culprit of my chronic loneliness, a serious lack of social skills, once again blocked my path. Small talk was too hard for me and no one seemed to understand it so I was left alone again. All those trial and errors deprived my energy, now I am slowly sinking into depression again. At that stage any long-term goal or desire doesn't help.

It became a paradox; I made myself a reason to go on but that's what makes me want to give up.

Would I eventually give up trying, only to fail ctb again and look for another fantasy to spend my time on?
Too many unanswered questions like this.


Sorry for my bad English; this post is meant to be just a vent

 

[timf]

You sound pretty intelligent. This can be a problem for some as it tends to amplify and focus thoughts and action towards a specific goal. While an asset in task completion, such a focus can be a sort of prison if directed towards something like ctb.

It might be possible to break out of the consuming grip such thoughts can form by doing something significantly different than that to which you are accustom. For example;

Go on a camping or fishing trip.
Do some volunteer work.
Pursue some artistic or musical undertaking,
Research and compile data on an historical event.
Binge watch a favorite TV series.

If things are spiraling downward, it can be helpful to embark on a path that breaks the momentum, takes you out of yourself, and gives you more of a sense of control over your life.

 

[looseye]

It depends on whether you are referring to becoming a medical practitioner for euthanasia in a country where this is legal or whether you intent to assist people illegally - the latter is obviously not something that this site encourages

 

[LastingSolace]

...which doesn't make any sense in reality: to assist others' ctb.

I've been a pro-mortalist and anti-natalist since long ago. I always saw the world as a random mixture of the good, bad and horrible, and that people should never be forced to open the loot box. So it was a relief when I finally found this website.
With all the resources here, I made a plan to ctb, but still could not act on it. Needed an isolated place, couldn't find any near. Unfortunately I'd have to wait. At least for a year.

Desperate and frustrated, some irrational thoughts spiralled in my head. Why did I fail to catch any chance in the past? Am I destined to keep living regardless of my will?

There came an idea: if I cannot ctb myself, at least I might be able to help others reach the same goal.

Not a good idea, probably, for a lot of different reasons. (Feel free to discuss your opinions here.) But at least I won't be bored for the next few years. And that was enough. For the first time I've got a real, genuine purpose of living.

To reach the goal of mine, studying medicine seemed like the easier way. No involvement in shady business and still having the resources right in your hand. So I went for it.

I tried to remember everything I learned, excel in every exam... and it obviously became a problem. It was worse because I didn't have any reason to live besides that goal. I didn't enjoy life at medical school. The culprit of my chronic loneliness, a serious lack of social skills, once again blocked my path. Small talk was too hard for me and no one seemed to understand it so I was left alone again. All those trial and errors deprived my energy, now I am slowly sinking into depression again. At that stage any long-term goal or desire doesn't help.

It became a paradox; I made myself a reason to go on but that's what makes me want to give up.

Would I eventually give up trying, only to fail ctb again and look for another fantasy to spend my time on?
Too many unanswered questions like this.


Sorry for my bad English; this post is meant to be just a vent

that is a horrible horrible goal for someone to have. pro-mortalism is just a concept and is used around these parts foolishly and projected onto reality. your goal shouldn't be to assist someone's suicide, then it wouldn't even be suicide if you get what i am saying to you.

 

[mint_parfait]

@timf @looseye @LastingSolace
Thanks for all your replies.
I do hope the world to be a better place someday where people won't suffer too much, and so wouldn't even have to 'end the pain.' This is not the case as of now, though. So until we have the ultimate solutions to cancer, chronic diseases, etc., I think it is better to allow people to make informed decisions. Neither pushing someone to death, nor forcing someone to live. Should I try to become a psychiatrist, there are already many, and I'm not even sure if I would be a good one, so I chose the other side.
This is not my first language; If anything I wrote here is misleading, please let me know and I'll appreciate it. Also, from searching I found a better place to post something like this: Politics&Philosophy subforum. Right now I don't know how to move post across forums but I will try/request it if possible.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

...which doesn't make any sense in reality: to assist others' ctb.

I've been a pro-mortalist and anti-natalist since long ago. I always saw the world as a random mixture of the good, bad and horrible, and that people should never be forced to open the loot box. So it was a relief when I finally found this website.
With all the resources here, I made a plan to ctb, but still could not act on it. Needed an isolated place, couldn't find any near. Unfortunately I'd have to wait. At least for a year.

Desperate and frustrated, some irrational thoughts spiralled in my head. Why did I fail to catch any chance in the past? Am I destined to keep living regardless of my will?

There came an idea: if I cannot ctb myself, at least I might be able to help others reach the same goal.

Not a good idea, probably, for a lot of different reasons. (Feel free to discuss your opinions here.) But at least I won't be bored for the next few years. And that was enough. For the first time I've got a real, genuine purpose of living.

To reach the goal of mine, studying medicine seemed like the easier way. No involvement in shady business and still having the resources right in your hand. So I went for it.

I tried to remember everything I learned, excel in every exam... and it obviously became a problem. It was worse because I didn't have any reason to live besides that goal. I didn't enjoy life at medical school. The culprit of my chronic loneliness, a serious lack of social skills, once again blocked my path. Small talk was too hard for me and no one seemed to understand it so I was left alone again. All those trial and errors deprived my energy, now I am slowly sinking into depression again. At that stage any long-term goal or desire doesn't help.

It became a paradox; I made myself a reason to go on but that's what makes me want to give up.

Would I eventually give up trying, only to fail ctb again and look for another fantasy to spend my time on?
Too many unanswered questions like this.


Sorry for my bad English; this post is meant to be just a vent

As much as illegally encouraging/assisting suicide is illegal, I can't help but relate to your sentiment. I am not in the medicine field myself but having doctors who understand the plight of suicidal people could be a boon to health systems and policy. Illegally assisting people though has its risks- my personal opinion is that one should be willing to defend such an illegal assistance very well, not just to courts or society, but also to themselves, for suicides of people who didn't want to die do seem tragic, even with my promortalist views