About to call a close friend and tell him about my suicidal thoughts

[Edu Ardanuy]

(English is not my first language, so bear with me, please) - Well, as the title alludes, I'm about to call a close friend and tell him I'm having suicidal thoughts, that I got SN and I'm planning to take it in the foreseen future.
I feel so bad to have reached this point, where I'm calling someone, living his own life, caring about his own shit and bothering him with this suicidal bullshit thing. But I don't know what to do. Its like I feel I need to tell someone about this. When I told my mum she just said, surprised, 'get this thoughts out of your head!' but didn't do shit to try and help me. Maybe calling a friend is something that was invoked by SI, trying to dig some space, making room for survival chances in the future by building bridges that might connect me with someone at this point. I don't know. But tbh, I never thought I would reach this point, of buying something that might end up killing me (with this sole purpose in mind, actually) and feeling depressed, tired. These are strange days to me.

 

[Redacted24]

That you're considering reaching out to someone close to you is understandable.
The question to ask yourself is, what would you hope them to say/ do / offer during your call?

I've let my intentions slip to others over the years and they've had some wildly differing reactions.

But what reaction are you hoping to get?

 

[Edu Ardanuy]

You know what, I don't have an answer to this question... I just feel like I want to tell someone about this, someone real, anyone that became at some point a close friend because we juste crossed paths with on this life.
Your question made me think, and ask myself, what am I expecting by doing this?
I have sent a message to a friend yesterday, and then he replied saying that we could talk today, by the evening. I'm not sure if I'll open up to him because I don't know what's going to be the response...
For now, all I want is to my friend to keep it as a secret.