Sn00t
Member
- Mar 10, 2023
- 5
Note: I thought this would be suitable for discussion and in suicide discussion rather than politics and philosophy due to it being rather personal to me and my experience, than a general theory or argument of suicide, and wondering if other people think this way. thanks
I think that a lot of us in life can reach a certain point in life where our condition is better off to be dead, but we have a instinct of self preservation endowed to us by hundreds of millions to billion of years of evolution (complex multi-cellar life has been around for about 1-2.33 billion years). As Voltaire wrote, pondering the Roman Orator Cato's suicide, of the act of commuting suicide:
"None but a strong man can surmount the most powerful instinct of nature."
But even if our sense of self-preservation isn't overcome, it would be fallacious to think that one's existence must be worth continuing or better than being dead. What a rational person would conclude is that the transition between life and death is extremely psychologically difficult for a person, and the locks that life places on a person are meant to imprison themselves from escaping and keep harm out.
Edwin Shneidman had defined a kind of intolerable psychological pain called Psychache stemming from unmet psychological needs of love or acceptance, and has been further expanded upon in Suicidological literature. And it seems to me that psychological pain rises in a linear curve til it meets a threshold of a physical pain a person is willing to undergo to distract themselves or rid their Psychache, whereby then one is left in a position to will death or life, if one is of course in that moment able to die (like being in front of a bridge at the time of deciding).
Diagram here:
So I guess to get to the point of my post, with this model in mind, I have had thoughts of accelerating my death and wonder if people can relate in any way. Accelerationism, a term to denote accelerating the Capitalist systems of the World to lead to their own destruction, is a term I think is valid to name my philosophy of suicide. The premise you have to accept I think is life is just not worth having, and eventually life will probably get worse enough to allow lethal action. Not necessarily you have to accept the second statement, but it certainly is a good cement of confidence in accelerating death.
From my experience, my life has gotten worse and worse, from inside my head and the world outside impinging on it. My memory is worsening and understanding, and soon my awareness of complex things will seem totally irrelevant. This is made so much worse if I become a narcissistic slug which reduces to utter bitterness and pessimism, which I already kinda am. I wish I was dead long ago, and sometimes in brief moments I wish I could live to read and learn, be with friends and have fun, I know deep down this is an illusion to make me feel better.
So I've taken up smoking to force the future out of me and pursue relief in the present, will drink more to lose awareness of myself and am trying to lose all awareness for safety out on the road. It's a risky action, as it may just cause my psychological pain to inflate to unbearable levels but lethality unachieved (from Why People Die By Suicide by Thomas Joiner, lethality needs to be practiced and worked at), or push me to that point to finally accept death and act on it. I guess I can predict I'm on the track to eventual suicide, and it's only a matter of time before it happens. And the Accelerationism approach can at least lead to a lot of relief in moments, smoking is a very relaxing and clear-minded activity, and alcohol can be a wonderful relaxation of awareness.
I do think Accelerationism needs to be accompanied by constant meditation of death and its acceptance, practice of lethal actions and constant directed thought in confirming your choice for death. If you accelerate your life to pure misery alone, you've just fucked yourself and have no escape. But no doubt it's a big push I think, and any case of suicide life needs to be pretty drastic and terrible to be able to carry out. So those are my thoughts on it, just wondering if you guys have thought like this or find it useful in some bizzare way.
I think that a lot of us in life can reach a certain point in life where our condition is better off to be dead, but we have a instinct of self preservation endowed to us by hundreds of millions to billion of years of evolution (complex multi-cellar life has been around for about 1-2.33 billion years). As Voltaire wrote, pondering the Roman Orator Cato's suicide, of the act of commuting suicide:
"None but a strong man can surmount the most powerful instinct of nature."
But even if our sense of self-preservation isn't overcome, it would be fallacious to think that one's existence must be worth continuing or better than being dead. What a rational person would conclude is that the transition between life and death is extremely psychologically difficult for a person, and the locks that life places on a person are meant to imprison themselves from escaping and keep harm out.
Edwin Shneidman had defined a kind of intolerable psychological pain called Psychache stemming from unmet psychological needs of love or acceptance, and has been further expanded upon in Suicidological literature. And it seems to me that psychological pain rises in a linear curve til it meets a threshold of a physical pain a person is willing to undergo to distract themselves or rid their Psychache, whereby then one is left in a position to will death or life, if one is of course in that moment able to die (like being in front of a bridge at the time of deciding).
Diagram here:
So I guess to get to the point of my post, with this model in mind, I have had thoughts of accelerating my death and wonder if people can relate in any way. Accelerationism, a term to denote accelerating the Capitalist systems of the World to lead to their own destruction, is a term I think is valid to name my philosophy of suicide. The premise you have to accept I think is life is just not worth having, and eventually life will probably get worse enough to allow lethal action. Not necessarily you have to accept the second statement, but it certainly is a good cement of confidence in accelerating death.
From my experience, my life has gotten worse and worse, from inside my head and the world outside impinging on it. My memory is worsening and understanding, and soon my awareness of complex things will seem totally irrelevant. This is made so much worse if I become a narcissistic slug which reduces to utter bitterness and pessimism, which I already kinda am. I wish I was dead long ago, and sometimes in brief moments I wish I could live to read and learn, be with friends and have fun, I know deep down this is an illusion to make me feel better.
So I've taken up smoking to force the future out of me and pursue relief in the present, will drink more to lose awareness of myself and am trying to lose all awareness for safety out on the road. It's a risky action, as it may just cause my psychological pain to inflate to unbearable levels but lethality unachieved (from Why People Die By Suicide by Thomas Joiner, lethality needs to be practiced and worked at), or push me to that point to finally accept death and act on it. I guess I can predict I'm on the track to eventual suicide, and it's only a matter of time before it happens. And the Accelerationism approach can at least lead to a lot of relief in moments, smoking is a very relaxing and clear-minded activity, and alcohol can be a wonderful relaxation of awareness.
I do think Accelerationism needs to be accompanied by constant meditation of death and its acceptance, practice of lethal actions and constant directed thought in confirming your choice for death. If you accelerate your life to pure misery alone, you've just fucked yourself and have no escape. But no doubt it's a big push I think, and any case of suicide life needs to be pretty drastic and terrible to be able to carry out. So those are my thoughts on it, just wondering if you guys have thought like this or find it useful in some bizzare way.