Resource Addiction Relapse Prevention and Self-reflection

[KleinerWolf]

I had a gambling relapse this week and also the week before
My word of the day today is "Sinner"
As you could imagine, there's nothing to gain by falling into the same trap of addictions, repetitively .
Whether it's gambling or substance abuse, it's a toxic cycle and takes serious commitment and discipline to overcome.
There are therapies and self-help available which I'm aware, however since not so surprisingly what bothers me is that each time I have a relapse, prior to that I made promise with myself that I'm not gonna go through that same crap again knowing how harmful it is. Yet again. Every time a relapse happens, I tear my self-commitment into pieces and lose a large chunk of my self-esteem.

The law of cause effect clearly states that,
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
A person is going to be stuck in the same situation until they eventually decide to learn from it.
Else the process repeats itself and it's a vicious cycle you need to get the fuck out.

See it for opportunity of growth, it's not scary to make mistakes as long as you learn from it.
How long does it take to get a grip?
Have you had enough of it?

This question is to be answered through the test of time.
I will from now on post a subsequent thread to this thread, by every Sunday recording how I get on with relapse prevention.
Anyone who is seeking to recover from forms of addictions are welcome to comment here for self-reflection/ prevention monitoring purposes.

Re-program your brain, seek out and reinforce healthier alternatives to replace harmful habitual patterns and eliminates it overtime.
Every small victory counts towards this long term battle.

I am hereby sending support to everyone who is fighting against their own various forms of addiction.
May you seek out and channel your strength from within, working towards your recovery.
Every small victory counts, but stick to it!
Work on yourself, day in day out, stay away from darkness and walk towards the light!

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Was gonna get drunk tonight but realised I'd rather eat junk food, and actually chose the food. Can't quite believe it. Six days sober...

 

[timf]

The thrill of gambling or the numbness of alcohol can seem powerfully attractive. However, the stimulation is short lived and the price is high. Slowly one may come to see greater value in relationships that are built that fill a life with substance. At some point that can become of greater value such that the attractiveness of that which is fleeting and toxic begins to fade.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I lost 50 million today gambling on blackjack

thank god it wasn't real money — it's a fake currency online casino app (slots, blackjack, roulette)
where there's in-app purchase to buy 40million fake chips (costs $170 real money) or claim free 1 million fake chips daily. You can't cash out any money or items of value, so the fake currency has no value.

My weakness lies when it comes to the social factor, boredom and false sense of achievement.

The week I created this thread I lost $240 real money on this thing,
Between now and then, luckily I didn't put more money into it,
Apart from today's problem gambling, there was another big loss 10 or 20 million or something like that.

in total over the years, as a general trend whether it's land based or online casino, sports betting, I'm resorting to self-ban.
Surely today I finally submitted a ticket and asked if they have the option to help me impose a self-ban.

I don't know what to say anymore,
I don't feel as bad this time which makes it worse,
Perhaps because it was not real money but
regardless it was evil in its purest form.
If I ever kill myself it would be for other reasons,
It'd be a joke if my problem gambling escalates to that point.

when it comes to problem gambling prevention I do the talk but over the long term I don't do the walk.

Guess I'll just self exclude myself from everywhere.
is there a better word to describe this situation other than weak and pathetic

 

[LittleJem]

is there a better word to describe this situation other than weak and pathetic
[/QUOTE]

Yes, there is a better word: ill. Gambling is an illness just like depression is an illness, and to fight it and stop it takes more strength and will then all the non/gamblers will ever know. So huge respect to you.

I have read that Lithium Orotate can treat alcoholism, and I wonder if it is also good for gambling. For me, at the moment when I take LO I am happy and days where I don't take it, I want to throw myself under a train. I haven't taken it today cos I'm trying acupuncture and I am so miserable. I'm scared it will stop working for me, because without it life is hell.

Brain chemistry is no-one's fault, and changing it (if that's possible on any treatment) makes all the difference.

Id also look into ayahuasca and ibogaine. For alcoholism, LSD is also promising. The founder of AA was a fan of it. I don't know if alcoholism and gambling are similar brain chemistries or not, but worth looking into,

All I really want to say though is it's not your fault.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Yes, there is a better word: ill. Gambling is an illness just like depression is an illness, and to fight it and stop it takes more strength and will then all the non/gamblers will ever know. So huge respect to you.

I have read that Lithium Orotate can treat alcoholism, and I wonder if it is also good for gambling. For me, at the moment when I take LO I am happy and days where I don't take it, I want to throw myself under a train. I haven't taken it today cos I'm trying acupuncture and I am so miserable. I'm scared it will stop working for me, because without it life is hell.

Brain chemistry is no-one's fault, and changing it (if that's possible on any treatment) makes all the difference.

Id also look into ayahuasca and ibogaine. For alcoholism, LSD is also promising. The founder of AA was a fan of it. I don't know if alcoholism and gambling are similar brain chemistries or not, but worth looking into,

All I really want to say though is it's not your fault.

It actually is my fault,
they say especially when it comes to gambling addiction,
The first step is to acknowledge your relapses and your bad decision making.
They say it's the first step towards recovery.
My brain's definitely been wired different at this point,
It's only the start of a battle,
I think whatever therapies and medications that are available,
It's necessary to access that external intervention.

I'll definitely be closely monitoring my situation.
I wish you immense strength and perseverance throughout your recovery!

 

[KleinerWolf]

$390 gambling relapse, yet again.
I'm lost for words.
Other than disgust and overall despair.

 

[LittleJem]

If you have the dosh - my latest snake oil treatment I am looking into is rTMS. It is super-pricey. But if things are really bad, it has some good results. The prices are mind-blowing. It isn't really snake oil - it just 'doesn't work for everyone' and costs a huge amount of money.
The video testimonials are good though - and it can be used for addiction from what I have seen. It can rebuild the brain.

 

[KleinerWolf]

If you have the dosh - my latest snake oil treatment I am looking into is rTMS. It is super-pricey. But if things are really bad, it has some good results. The prices are mind-blowing. It isn't really snake oil - it just 'doesn't work for everyone' and costs a huge amount of money.
The video testimonials are good though - and it can be used for addiction from what I have seen. It can rebuild the brain.

It sounds slightly dodgy in my opinion.
Although I might give it a try if it comes to it.

 

[BPD Barbie]

If you're in the UK, which I doubt as you're talking in dollars, there is a website called GamStop. It basically bans you from all online gambling for either 6 months or a year, you decide. I wonder if there is anything else like this in other countries.

 

[KleinerWolf]

If you're in the UK, which I doubt as you're talking in dollars, there is a website called GamStop. It basically bans you from all online gambling for either 6 months or a year, you decide. I wonder if there is anything else like this in other countries.

Thank you barbie,
it's really good resources you have provided,
I'm gonna go ahead and ban myself on there from the Uk based operators,
the other countries I will look into and see if anything similar to this.
Appreciate you help

 

[KleinerWolf]

Since actively suicidal I had dropped gambling addiction around October, because I thought I would ctb anyway.

but today I snapped and relapsed on online sportsbetting.
Gambled impulsively with $300 and came out with only $140 left.

I don't have anything new to say.
I feel sorry for myself, for having no self-control when my life was already down at the bottom.
I feel sorry that I was not able to help myself.

my life is too much dysfunction.
my life is a mess and it sure sucked away all my positivity.

For all my wrongdoings I'm going to hell for sure.
I don't have a grip. And I can't fix my problems.

I am not proud, and I was especially not happy.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

If you're comfortable with possibilities of losing money, maybe try day trading?

 

[KleinerWolf]

Since actively suicidal I had dropped gambling addiction around October, because I thought I would ctb anyway.

but today I snapped and relapsed on online sportsbetting.
Gambled impulsively with $300 and came out with only $140 left.

I don't have anything new to say.
I feel sorry for myself, for having no self-control when my life was already down at the bottom.
I feel sorry that I was not able to help myself.

my life is too much dysfunction.
my life is a mess and it sure sucked away all my positivity.

For all my wrongdoings I'm going to hell for sure.
I don't have a grip. And I can't fix my problems.

I am not proud, and I was especially not happy.

And now -$381
Why do I do this to myself smh.

self banned for 30days and sent an email to request permanent ban,

My life is a mess and I'm an addict.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Why do I do this to myself

I'm an addict.

I know it's that simple 'cause I'm one too. Not so simple getting over it though. Trying to get sober myself (10 days dry); I feel ya pain.