Adult Children

[BrokeJoblessGenXer]

Hi,

I am not depressed but I️ am tired. I️'m tired of trying so hard to get through life and constantly having things not go my way. I️'m not helpless but I️ have ended up in a situation where I️ have almost no control of my destiny.

I️'ve had a good life, with great experiences and accomplishments but that has run its course. At 54 years old, a series of unfortunate events have left me marginally employed, living with my aging parents and nothing to look forward to. There is zero chance I️'ll ever get back to a point where I️ enjoy life, much less able to ever find happiness.

At this point I️'m just ready to be done. I️ want to just go away, without any fanfare and without leaving anyone with any feelings of guilt or responsibility.

My only problem is that I have a 19 year old daughter who has always relied on me for everything and I️ don't want to leave her. But I️ no longer have the means to support her and will soon be a burden to her.

I️ want to end it more than anything but I️ am paralyzed by the fear of what it might do to her. On the other hand, she's smart, beautiful and talented and will eventually be ok.

Living is miserable for me so when is it ok for me to finally do something for myself and CTB?

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I have 16 and 18 year old daughters. I lost my job and all of my money last year, so I can't even support myself at this point and I live with my parents. It's really hard to be a parent in such a position. I really wanted to CTB this December, but I decided to hold on for the sake of the girls through the holidays. Now I'm finding it difficult to CTB because of the impact on my familly. My older daughter just messaged me to say she's concerned about me, it's so heartbreaking to chat with her when I know I have no hope for recovery and I just want to die.

 

[Durandal's Slave]

If I had a child that still relied on me to survive, I could never CBT. The guilt would eat me alive and ruin any kind of peace that ending it is supposed to bring.

What's your daughter's situation like; like is she living with you or doesn't have a stable job? I'm currently putting myself through college and working a full time job. I still live with my parents at the moment mainly due to living costs of just getting an apartment cutting into my savings, but I will graduate soon and will qualify for something with more decent pay. It's still not something I'm proud of at my age.

If you're worried about your family so much, maybe you can wait it out until she becomes more independent and you can find a distraction until then, like a hobby. Then rent an airbnb (they can be really cheap) for an extended period of time, telling your parents that you found an apartment, then CTB in a way that looks like an accident.

Just spitballing here. I really feel you and just went through a time where I felt hopeless and hated myself because of nothing going right and just about everyone either didn't understand why I wasn't succeeding in finding a job or going back to college, or they enabled my bad habits and tell me that I was doing just fine even though I KNEW that I was fucking up something.

Shit sucks.