almost told my gf something I probably shouldn't have

[Tonic_Secrecy]

I was playing with some friends and my girlfriend when one of my friends said they hated their life. My girlfriend said she hated hers too and mentioned she's planning on ending it soon. At first, I told her, "Nuh-uh," but then I almost went on to tell her that if she does do it, let's do it together.

I love her, and normally I would never say something like that—I'd always opt to try and help instead. But I don't know. After she said that and some other stuff, I just felt something inside me break as my anxiety kept getting worse and worse.

After everything that was said in that call, I just feel horrible, like it's my fault. If she had someone better, she wouldn't want to end it. If she had something better, she wouldn't have said she doesn't feel like she's in a loving relationship. Maybe there isn't love anymore—I don't know. I just feel broken.

And for some reason, my card keeps declining on my SN order, even though I have enough money; I checked. After all the effort it took to find how to get it, I just keep repeatedly hitting walls. And now I keep getting hit with more reasons to end it all without the ability to actually do it.

I feel like shit. I just want it to all be over. I want to die.

I'll call my bank tomorrow to see if there's anything I can do about the decline. Thanks for reading my vent. If you're curious, we've been together for two years and I still haven't told her that I'm asexual and she wonders why I haven't done anything with her yet Im scared to tell her.

 

[Giovannino224]

After everything that was said in that call, I just feel horrible, like it's my fault. If she had someone better, she wouldn't want to end it. If she had something better, she wouldn't have said she doesn't feel like she's in a loving relationship. Maybe there isn't love anymore—I don't know. I just feel broken.

After reading this the first thing that came to my mind was someting that a doctor once told me, and that is that our mind can create involuntary thoughts (thoughts that are automatically created by the brain after and emotional event, by anxiety, or just randomly [and also most of the times they are not realiable]), that I can guarantee you that the vast majority of those thoughts are FALSE.
So what I suggest to do is to ignore completely this sense of guilt and shame, or more in general to ignore any thought, that your anxiety made you belive, regarding the false opinion that your gf as of you. Insted tray to talk face to face with you gf about this without any worry, because if she really cares about you, you won't be dissapointed by what she has to say.

I hope my advise can help.

Stay safe

 

[Norseman]

I was playing with some friends and my girlfriend when one of my friends said they hated their life. My girlfriend said she hated hers too and mentioned she's planning on ending it soon. At first, I told her, "Nuh-uh," but then I almost went on to tell her that if she does do it, let's do it together.

I love her, and normally I would never say something like that—I'd always opt to try and help instead. But I don't know. After she said that and some other stuff, I just felt something inside me break as my anxiety kept getting worse and worse.

After everything that was said in that call, I just feel horrible, like it's my fault. If she had someone better, she wouldn't want to end it. If she had something better, she wouldn't have said she doesn't feel like she's in a loving relationship. Maybe there isn't love anymore—I don't know. I just feel broken.

And for some reason, my card keeps declining on my SN order, even though I have enough money; I checked. After all the effort it took to find how to get it, I just keep repeatedly hitting walls. And now I keep getting hit with more reasons to end it all without the ability to actually do it.

I feel like shit. I just want it to all be over. I want to die.

I'll call my bank tomorrow to see if there's anything I can do about the decline. Thanks for reading my vent. If you're curious, we've been together for two years and I still haven't told her that I'm asexual and she wonders why I haven't done anything with her yet Im scared to tell her.

I wish i had a girlfriend at least in the past.

 

[ClippedWings]

Why are you asexual?

 

[soonnotkoei]

Why are you asexual?

when did OP say they were asexual?

 

[ClippedWings]

when did OP say they were asexual?

last sentence.

 

[NonEssential]

Fortunately if I'd say "let's do it together" it's just interpreted as me having a dark sense of humor

I wish i had a girlfriend at least in the past.

Same, pretty crazy I'm in my mid twenties and haven't had a single person lol

 

[soonnotkoei]

last sentence.

yea sorry im dumb

 

[ClippedWings]

Fortunately if I'd say "let's do it together" it's just interpreted as me having a dark sense of humor


Same, pretty crazy I'm in my mid twenties and haven't had a single person lol

same but I'm older, and that fact is only like the 7th worst thing about me. FUCK! O well, ctb soon and never fucking wake up again. Don't bring me back.

 

[Tonic_Secrecy]

Why are you asexual?

due to some things that happened to me and my siblings when I was younger I find sexual acts kind of repulsing I can handle kissing and stuff but not much more.