Am I already happy without knowing it?

[ForgottenAgain]

Today my boyfriend told me that I instantly get depressed once I stop playing a videogame or do anything that is fun. He mentioned that my face has the look of "here we go, back to this shit again" and that I don't allow myself to feel happiness. If something is going good, that I immediately feel bad afterwards.

All of this made me question whether I am already happy. I thought I knew what happiness feels like. I was happy when I was a child, it was so noticeable and easy to know that I was happy.

Is adult happiness this mediocre? Am I already happy without knowing it or feeling it?

All I've ever wanted was to be happy, that has been my goal for some many years...I don't want to realize I'm sabotaging myself... I'm starting to think I don't know what happiness feels like.

 

[CasTheFriendlyGhost]

i think "adult" happiness is more akin to being at ease, whereas childlike happiness is the feeling of joy about something really good happening to you (you can feel the latter from time to time as an adult, too, ofc).

to me it seems obvious that you're uneasy about something. maybe there is a real problem that needs fixing, maybe not. maybe you just got so used to hating to return to the real world after doing something fun that you can't help but feel miserable the moment you do it even though your life is better than it used to be.

the questions i'd ask myself in your place are: do you feel good in the moments that are supposed to be fun. are you at ease in the calm moments. are you happy with your social environment and your realtionship? is there something in your everyday life that causes you anger, fear, shame, uneasiness or some other bad feeling?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's easier to be happy as a child because we probably had less responsibilities. You can completely become absorbed in a cartoon or a game and even when it ends, you're probably not worrying about work or chores you need to do, bills you need to pay. And, even if you don't have many responsibilities as an adult, you can probably feel the judgement from people who think you should! Plus, we're doing and seeing things for the first time as a child. It can be difficult to get that same sense of excitement as an adult.

I think happiness in adulthood is maybe more fleeting and for the rest of the time, we just try to make life bearable! I guess part of it is state of mind. We can't change the fact that we now need to look after ourselves- which likely means doing a whole bunch of things we find tedious or worse- hate! I guess some people are better at accepting those things than others. If you're doing them though- without them really getting you down, then, that is good.

It's hard to know if your current state is happiness or contentment or- as good as it gets. Are there still things you really want to do in life? Maybe trying to do more of them will bring more happiness in- plus, you'll spend some time looking forward to those things.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Maybe. Now you got me asking myself IF I am already happy without knowing it..
and the answer is No. I remember what happiness for me felt like, and I know I havent felt it for a very long time. Begs the question though if I'd still recognize it if it kicked me in the ass.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

i think "adult" happiness is more akin to being at ease, whereas childlike happiness is the feeling of joy about something really good happening to you (you can feel the latter from time to time as an adult, too, ofc).

to me it seems obvious that you're uneasy about something. maybe there is a real problem that needs fixing, maybe not. maybe you just got so used to hating to return to the real world after doing something fun that you can't help but feel miserable the moment you do it even though your life is better than it used to be.

the questions i'd ask myself in your place are: do you feel good in the moments that are supposed to be fun. are you at ease in the calm moments. are you happy with your social environment and your realtionship? is there something in your everyday life that causes you anger, fear, shame, uneasiness or some other bad feeling?

I think I'm entertained in the moments that are fun. At ease I think it's very rare, I am a nervous person who needs everything planned. I'm not happy socially since I don't have any friends where I live and I feel incredibly lonely. I have put myself out there to make friends but I can't find people I relate to.

What causes me to feel bad daily is the feeling of not being happy itself. Feeling that my life isn't enough, what I have and achieved isn't enough

I think it's easier to be happy as a child because we probably had less responsibilities. You can completely become absorbed in a cartoon or a game and even when it ends, you're probably not worrying about work or chores you need to do, bills you need to pay. And, even if you don't have many responsibilities as an adult, you can probably feel the judgement from people who think you should! Plus, we're doing and seeing things for the first time as a child. It can be difficult to get that same sense of excitement as an adult.

I think happiness in adulthood is maybe more fleeting and for the rest of the time, we just try to make life bearable! I guess part of it is state of mind. We can't change the fact that we now need to look after ourselves- which likely means doing a whole bunch of things we find tedious or worse- hate! I guess some people are better at accepting those things than others. If you're doing them though- without them really getting you down, then, that is good.

It's hard to know if your current state is happiness or contentment or- as good as it gets. Are there still things you really want to do in life? Maybe trying to do more of them will bring more happiness in- plus, you'll spend some time looking forward to those things.

That's the thing, I'm lacking some long term or meaningful goals. My long term goal was to buy a house, and still is, but I question whether it will make me happy since nothing seems to do it. Because of this, this goal has decreased in importance.
The only other thing I really want to do is build a gigantic modular cage for my hamsters and have a pet room for them. I'm passionate about proper hamster care and want to give them their best life. This requires a new house for said pet room and big cages.

Besides that, I'm at the age of thinking whether I want kids and my mental state depresses me in that regard. I would potentially like to adopt a child one day but how can I when I'm so unstable...it's sad. If I don't have kids, I'd like it to be my choice, not because my mind is fucked.

Maybe. Now you got me asking myself IF I am already happy without knowing it..
and the answer is No. I remember what happiness for me felt like, and I know I havent felt it for a very long time. Begs the question though if I'd still recognize it if it kicked me in the ass.

that's how I feel! I thought I recognised happiness but now I'm not so sure. My boyfriend says that he sees me happy when I play videogames, I laugh and smile and those are genuine so I must be happy.
I saw a post today elsewhere on the Internet about a girl who Pavloved herself to learn to be happy. She would use a clicker every time something made her happy or smile. Wonder if that would work for me.

 

[a.fool]

Today my boyfriend told me that I instantly get depressed once I stop playing a videogame or do anything that is fun. He mentioned that my face has the look of "here we go, back to this shit again" and that I don't allow myself to feel happiness. If something is going good, that I immediately feel bad afterwards.

All of this made me question whether I am already happy. I thought I knew what happiness feels like. I was happy when I was a child, it was so noticeable and easy to know that I was happy.

Is adult happiness this mediocre? Am I already happy without knowing it or feeling it?

All I've ever wanted was to be happy, that has been my goal for some many years...I don't want to realize I'm sabotaging myself... I'm starting to think I don't know what happiness feels like.

I personally think it's because of Dopamine. Things like videogames or phones spike your dopamine and when you don't do those things, you feel sad. It makes your attention span less too.
I may not have understood what you meant to say maybe, but I tried to help with what I understood.