Discussion Am I just wasting time?

[Deleted member 18655]

The fact that I'm starting a post in the Recovery Forum is comical. I certainly don't belong here! But I have a question about trying to "get better." I had my second appointment with my trauma therapist. I like her. I hate therapy. Every time I cry she gets very happy (something for her to work with) and I get frustrated because I'd worked all week to stop falling apart. She wants me to do a few things until next week's appointment. Hobbies, interests, talents. I told her that I don't want to find "joy" in little things when the big picture is so bad. I don't want to hope that things will get better. I refuse to fall for it again.

After each appointment I go for a long drive to unwind and let everything sink in. While I was driving my trauma group counsellor phoned me. She wants to chat tomorrow. "Make sure I'm okay." I knew I wasn't up for therapy. If I had my SN here, I'd be prepping as we speak. Chances are I won't be this impulsive when I have it.

Am I wasting time going through a group and a therapist when I have no faith that either it will work for me or that I will let it work?

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I told her that I don't want to find "joy" in little things when the big picture is so bad.

This is exactly how I feel. I don't understand how little things are going to improve an already damaged existence. I don't think counselors truly understand this.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

in my opinion, you can't judge a therapist by one or two appointments. it takes time to build a connection to your therapist and to feel like you're actually talking to someone instead of at someone. as for the whole "finding joy in hobbies" thing, you could try and vent what you're feeling through a creative outlet (typical answer, i know).

a large part of therapy is actively putting the work in to process your emotions/trauma. so, if you're truly firm in your belief that nothing will get better, then i don't think therapy will help you.

whatever you decide to do, i wish you the best.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you're not motivated to let it work, then both you and your therapist are going to end up feeling frustration and other negative things. You'll probably end up resenting each other over the struggle since the goals each of you has for you yourself are at odds.

 

[alexit]

The fact that I'm starting a post in the Recovery Forum is comical. I certainly don't belong here! But I have a question about trying to "get better." I had my second appointment with my trauma therapist. I like her. I hate therapy. Every time I cry she gets very happy (something for her to work with) and I get frustrated because I'd worked all week to stop falling apart. She wants me to do a few things until next week's appointment. Hobbies, interests, talents. I told her that I don't want to find "joy" in little things when the big picture is so bad. I don't want to hope that things will get better. I refuse to fall for it again.

After each appointment I go for a long drive to unwind and let everything sink in. While I was driving my trauma group counsellor phoned me. She wants to chat tomorrow. "Make sure I'm okay." I knew I wasn't up for therapy. If I had my SN here, I'd be prepping as we speak. Chances are I won't be this impulsive when I have it.

Am I wasting time going through a group and a therapist when I have no faith that either it will work for me or that I will let it work?

A lot of therapists want things patients aren't ready or interested to give. She sounds like she means well but isn't really understanding you. Do you feel like you two connected?

 

[CuddleHug]

This is exactly how I feel. I don't understand how little things are going to improve an already damaged existence. I don't think counselors truly understand this.

It's often the little things that add up into something bigger. Just because it feels pointless doesn't mean it is. They obviously will not magically fix all your bigger issues, but they can help motivate you to actually work on those problems yourself. It is easier to move a mountain stone by stone than to tackle it all at once.

Am I wasting time going through a group and a therapist when I have no faith that either it will work for me or that I will let it work?

I don't think so. You are certainly not wasting their time, at least. Your own time? Well, if you have nothing else that is more important to use the time for, then you are not wasting it even if it feels like it gives you nothing back. Therapy is hard and exhausting, but that's normal. It's okay to be frustrated by it. They seem to really care about you and want to check in on you, that's a good thing. If you are overwhelmed, tell them so. Maybe you could take things a bit slower.

In fact, therapy is never meant to force you to do things you don't want. If they suggest you do something, you can always say no. You don't need to explain why, either, but doing so might help them figure out other things to try. I know very well how hard it is to know what you need, but sometimes knowing what you don't need is just as important.

Hugs

 

[Susannah]

It's often the little things that add up into something bigger. Just because it feels pointless doesn't mean it is. They obviously will not magically fix all your bigger issues, but they can help motivate you to actually work on those problems yourself. It is easier to move a mountain stone by stone than to tackle it all at once.

I don't think so. You are certainly not wasting their time, at least. Your own time? Well, if you have nothing else that is more important to use the time for, then you are not wasting it even if it feels like it gives you nothing back. Therapy is hard and exhausting, but that's normal. It's okay to be frustrated by it. They seem to really care about you and want to check in on you, that's a good thing. If you are overwhelmed, tell them so. Maybe you could take things a bit slower.

In fact, therapy is never meant to force you to do things you don't want. If they suggest you do something, you can always say no. You don't need to explain why, either, but doing so might help them figure out other things to try. I know very well how hard it is to know what you need, but sometimes knowing what you don't need is just as important.

Hugs

I agree with all the things said above. The little things are much more important than it sounds. I believe all therapy is about taking "baby steps" towards a better life. The big picture isn't pretty anyway, and there's little you can do about it. Yeah, it's hard work, but hey, living is a long troublesome road. Luckily, with some practice, it's possible to feel joy once in a while.
Lots of loveS

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I don't think recovery is a waste of time but I do think that you will struggle to make it work when you are not actually interested in it. I found it impossible for the same reason; when you don't actually care about or want recovery in it's most realistic form (not totally dropping bad feelings but learning to manage them and to appreciate small things in life) then it's hard to engage with therapy.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

in my opinion, you can't judge a therapist by one or two appointments. it takes time to build a connection to your therapist and to feel like you're actually talking to someone instead of at someone. as for the whole "finding joy in hobbies" thing, you could try and vent what you're feeling through a creative outlet (typical answer, i know).

Thanks for the reply! It's not the connection to her I worry about. I like her and she knows what she's doing. If I wasn't so drawn to ctb and if there was anything else left in life, I'd like to build a sense of self but as it stands I feel like I'm going through the motions. I know it's too soon to make a decision so I'll wait but I can't see it working.

If you're not motivated to let it work, then both you and your therapist are going to end up feeling frustration and other negative things. You'll probably end up resenting each other over the struggle since the goals each of you has for you yourself are at odds.

You read my mind. That's exactly what I realised (at the end of the session) that I need from her. Goals. What does she think will come of this? I'm going to ask her next week. Maybe if I had an idea of where she thinks it could go I'd be more on board; or know for sure that I'm not.

A lot of therapists want things patients aren't ready or interested to give. She sounds like she means well but isn't really understanding you. Do you feel like you two connected?

Thanks for the response. I do feel connected to her. She's very easy to talk to and I have no shame in displaying my emotions so they're productive sessions. But I don't like just talking about my feelings, opening myself up and then not having anything change. But, it's still early and she's getting to know me...

It's often the little things that add up into something bigger. Just because it feels pointless doesn't mean it is. They obviously will not magically fix all your bigger issues, but they can help motivate you to actually work on those problems yourself. It is easier to move a mountain stone by stone than to tackle it all at once.

This is great! Thanks. I love analogies; this one is going on my whiteboard

I agree with all the things said above. The little things are much more important than it sounds. I believe all therapy is about taking "baby steps" towards a better life. The big picture isn't pretty anyway, and there's little you can do about it. Yeah, it's hard work, but hey, living is a long troublesome road. Luckily, with some practice, it's possible to feel joy once in a while.
Lots of loveS

Thanks. I think I'm torn between moving in the direction of therapy and group therapies and just diving into SN. It's days away from being here. I'm pulled in too many directions!

I don't think recovery is a waste of time but I do think that you will struggle to make it work when you are not actually interested in it. I found it impossible for the same reason; when you don't actually care about or want recovery in it's most realistic form (not totally dropping bad feelings but learning to manage them and to appreciate small things in life) then it's hard to engage with therapy.

Thanks. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different ways - to ctb and to get over my childhood trauma. I have the answer for ctb and I've always known that working on myself is like trying to climb up a smooth glass wall. wooshhhh and crash.