Venting am i really suicidal if i keep going back and forth if i want to ctb?

[slightoverlooked]

im so tired and depressed. i lost my cat, my soul, my everything. uni is hard. i dont feel like i have anyone to talk to. i want to relapse cutting. i should study for exams but i barely have the energy to care for myself. i hate my body and i just wish i had a partner.
i dont want to keep living this life.
but at the same time there r many things i enjoy. i love hanging out with others, i love consuming my favorite media, there r things i wanna watch and play, my mother would be so sad and threatened suicide if i do end my life.

idk what to do. if i order SN i might use it impulsively. im gonna turn 23 this year but idk if there is hope for me. what if i stay lonely forever? i dont even have the hope that i will find a boyfriend bc im scared of being abused, manipulated, gaslighted, r worded and so more. im very passionate abt woman rights but i fear it just shows me the reality of how a majority of men think and act towards woman.

psa: do not comment on this if you have something shitty to say abt woman or associate with the incel mindset. this is not abt you. i dont want to have a political discussion bc im venting and im tired. if you disagree with my suffering as a woman i suggest checking your abillity for empathy.
i left this site bc of being harrassed by a man on this website i dont want that to happen again. let me just vent about kms and leave me alone. thank you.

 

[soonnotkoei]

i know you specifically asked to leave you alone but

psa: do not comment on this if you have something shitty to say abt woman or associate with the incel mindset. this is not abt you. i dont want to have a political discussion bc im venting and im tired. if you disagree with my suffering as a woman i suggest checking your abillity for empathy.
i left this site bc of being harrassed by a man on this website i dont want that to happen again. let me just vent about kms and leave me alone. thank you.

im sorry that you had this kind of experience on this site. but i assure you that that was an exception. almost all of the people here are kind and caring it's unreal. you've been a member longer than me so i guess you will agree with me.

anyway, im sorry for the situation youre in. i wish you nothing but peace and good luck.

 

[slightoverlooked]

i know you specifically asked to leave you alone but

im sorry that you had this kind of experience on this site. but i assure you that that was an exception. almost all of the people here are kind and caring it's unreal. you've been a member longer than me so i guess you will agree with me.

anyway, im sorry for the situation youre in. i wish you nothing but peace and good luck.

thank you for your empathy. there r many nice ppl on here but its definitely more than just one person on this site that makes things uncomfortable for young woman so i have mostly lost my trust mixed with my irl experience. if anyone feels attacked by that then they should start self reflecting.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

My experience is also sort of "back and forth" but I think it should be more forth than back because life events only prove me that shit is going deeper and deeper into hell. I see so little room for success I just wish I could CTB and be done with everything... I'm so tired too... And I feel sorry for your situation

 

[soonnotkoei]

thank you for your empathy. there r many nice ppl on here but its definitely more than just one person on this site that makes things uncomfortable for young woman so i have mostly lost my trust mixed with my irl experience. if anyone feels attacked by that then they should start self reflecting.

yea no i completely understand where you're coming from. you had a bad experience with someone and now you can't trust anyone. been there. that's okay (:

 

[slightoverlooked]

My experience is also sort of "back and forth" but I think it should be more forth than back because life events only prove me that shit is going deeper and deeper into hell. I see so little room for success I just wish I could CTB and be done with everything... I'm so tired too... And I feel sorry for your situation

im so sorry to hear that. i wish things would get better for both of us. sometimes it feels easier to stay and accept whatever life offers just to not burden the ppl around me but the frustration and lethargy from life always pushes me back and forth.

 

[NonEssential]

to ctb is a very serious task so it's only natural to go back and forth about it.