Pleasant Greetings, Dearest Members.
Having experienced suicidal ideation since my late teens (late 1990's), and making my very first attempt in late 2020,
I know firsthand the difficulty of finding people with whom I could share some sort of judgement-free rapport.
As a youth, I had a comfortable life - in a material sense - while being raised in a religious household. But I was a very quiet and malleable child with a very controlling mother (who I much later realized had her own issues), and through coercion, she eventually took something very precious from me - my autonomy - and put me on a path of her choosing. My lack of courage and resolve at that time still haunts me to this day.
Even as a child, I had a tendency to be very deliberate - I knew that an impulsive suicide attempt could go horribly wrong in so many ways. All the same, I didn't want to live to my present age, but here I am, still living and still wanting to leave this life.
I know that a number of you here have shared your experiences, and they are heartbreaking. The lack of understanding from other people in our lives seems to have brought many of us here - our perspectives tend to be overwhelming, even to us.
Like you, I don't have the power to undo what this life has done to us. And though I've never truly been a religious person, I strongly sense that actual Divine Intervention could be the one thing that sets everything right. Of course, I know many feel differently, and this is completely understandable - belief in divinity doesn't suit everyone and religion has largely earned a putrid status in the eyes of many.
I feel somewhat comforted in that my choice to CTB will not be accompanied by a dread of the hereafter, as the religious beliefs of my upbringing present a limited, predetermined number of individuals entering heaven (not me!) and no place of eternal torment. The dead are simply non-existent.
With that said, I've personally never felt comfortable writing out bittersweet goodbyes and well-wishes to imminently suicidal individuals, but I can see why some here do - the world outside is an exceedingly harsh one.
I'm sorry for the lengthy post (I'm a deliberate type, remember?) Thank you for reading this far and I look forward to the unique insights each of you will bring to this forum.
Having experienced suicidal ideation since my late teens (late 1990's), and making my very first attempt in late 2020,
I know firsthand the difficulty of finding people with whom I could share some sort of judgement-free rapport.
As a youth, I had a comfortable life - in a material sense - while being raised in a religious household. But I was a very quiet and malleable child with a very controlling mother (who I much later realized had her own issues), and through coercion, she eventually took something very precious from me - my autonomy - and put me on a path of her choosing. My lack of courage and resolve at that time still haunts me to this day.
Even as a child, I had a tendency to be very deliberate - I knew that an impulsive suicide attempt could go horribly wrong in so many ways. All the same, I didn't want to live to my present age, but here I am, still living and still wanting to leave this life.
I know that a number of you here have shared your experiences, and they are heartbreaking. The lack of understanding from other people in our lives seems to have brought many of us here - our perspectives tend to be overwhelming, even to us.
Like you, I don't have the power to undo what this life has done to us. And though I've never truly been a religious person, I strongly sense that actual Divine Intervention could be the one thing that sets everything right. Of course, I know many feel differently, and this is completely understandable - belief in divinity doesn't suit everyone and religion has largely earned a putrid status in the eyes of many.
I feel somewhat comforted in that my choice to CTB will not be accompanied by a dread of the hereafter, as the religious beliefs of my upbringing present a limited, predetermined number of individuals entering heaven (not me!) and no place of eternal torment. The dead are simply non-existent.
With that said, I've personally never felt comfortable writing out bittersweet goodbyes and well-wishes to imminently suicidal individuals, but I can see why some here do - the world outside is an exceedingly harsh one.
I'm sorry for the lengthy post (I'm a deliberate type, remember?) Thank you for reading this far and I look forward to the unique insights each of you will bring to this forum.
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