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zekeyaeger

zekeyaeger

Student
Mar 30, 2023
157
SI is keeping me bonded to this hellish realm. Fuck this. Winter only makes shit worse for my ass. Ugh.
 
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MercenariesofMidgar

MercenariesofMidgar

It All Returns to Nothing.
Nov 30, 2024
78
I really wanted to die today, I'm in this stasis where I don't want to do anything because I want to die soon anyways. But then I chicken out. It's exhausting. I'm so tired of living. The thought of failing my ctb method is killing me. Partial Hanging can be fucked up unconsciously I heard and I really don't want to have a possibility of failing my attempt but I can't seem to find any statistics on the success partial hanging. Why do they have to make dying so hard for us? I wish we had those suicide booths from futurama so we didn't have worry about SI or anything, just push the button and enjoy the ride.
 
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zekeyaeger

zekeyaeger

Student
Mar 30, 2023
157
I really wanted to die today, I'm in this stasis where I don't want to do anything because I want to die soon anyways. But then I chicken out. It's exhausting. I'm so tired of living. The thought of failing my ctb method is killing me. Partial Hanging can be fucked up unconsciously I heard and I really don't want to have a possibility of failing my attempt but I can't seem to find any statistics on the success partial hanging. Why do they have to make dying so hard for us? I wish we had those suicide booths from futurama so we didn't have worry about SI or anything, just push the button and enjoy the ride.
Yes, those suicide booths would be great tbh. I always chicken out, it sucks.
 
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willow115

willow115

Member
Oct 9, 2024
77
This title is so funny to me. Pretty good, thank you.

How come you don't like winter?
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,323
I'm doing so shitty although, as of right now, I don't think it's the SI that's keeping me here but rather the fear of getting caught and "rescued" whilst I try and drown myself. However, when I get into the actual situation itself, I'd probably be plagued with SI
 
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W

waterrrrrrrrrbottel

Student
Jul 18, 2022
189
Ah. bad. but my depression is subsided by my daily activities that i find amusement in. waiting for my sn, then i'll plan from there. unfortunately ill be living to see 2025.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
2,790
Same , i'm doing horribly . Yes another day in hell
 
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future_

future_

ghost
Mar 19, 2023
57
feels like i would chicken out of euthanasia too
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,323
Same , i'm doing horribly . Yes another day in hell
I'm sorry for your suffering. I hope you find peace soon away from this hellish world
 
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dontwakemeup

dontwakemeup

Experienced
Nov 11, 2024
297
I been in bed for 3 days, barely eating and drinking. I decided to go out and get some groceries. While going up my stairs at home I passed out. I don't know long I was out. I woke up with groceries all over my steps. I made it up the stairs and climbed in bed. My heart rate was high and I'm so thirsty it literally hurts to swallow. I drank some water and took my medicine.
After 3 days in bed. I just want to shower and change my sheets and go back to bed.
I tried, it didn't go well. I'll try tomorrow.
 
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ZoloftSüchtig

ZoloftSüchtig

„We can olive together“
Apr 9, 2023
117
It's sooo bad. I just want the suffering to be over. Why is killing myself so hard
 
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LaVieEnRose

LaVieEnRose

Angelic
Jul 23, 2022
4,262
Joining the horrible contingent.
 
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dust-in-the-wind

dust-in-the-wind

Animal Lover
Aug 24, 2024
310
I been in bed for 3 days, barely eating and drinking. I decided to go out and get some groceries. While going up my stairs at home I passed out. I don't know long I was out. I woke up with groceries all over my steps. I made it up the stairs and climbed in bed. My heart rate was high and I'm so thirsty it literally hurts to swallow. I drank some water and took my medicine.
After 3 days in bed. I just want to shower and change my sheets and go back to bed.
I tried, it didn't go well. I'll try tomorrow.
You're not alone. I am mostly bedridden due to my depression as well. I want to die but I'm scared and too depressed to make a plan.
 
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dontwakemeup

dontwakemeup

Experienced
Nov 11, 2024
297
You're not alone. I am mostly bedridden due to my depression as well. I want to die but I'm scared and too depressed to make a plan.
I'm sorry you feel like this. It's an awful feeling. Things that help me is watching funny videos or a good movie. I also try crocheting, its very relaxing. I have chronic pain, so if my pain is terrible that day, I turn my phone on silent and just cry and wait for my pain medicine to kick in.

I hope you can find something or ways to help you too. But nope, you're not alone.
 
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shrizoid

shrizoid

Student
Nov 18, 2024
103
Still fluctuating moods on the daily as per usual
 
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ShatteredSerenity

ShatteredSerenity

I talk to God, but the sky is empty.
Nov 24, 2024
178
I've been rotting in bed for weeks except for a couple of errands. I took a bath at one point, but not even that brought any relief. My ability to experience anything other than intense sadness and utter despair has vanished. I'm pretty sure my soul is dead already, now I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.

I desperately wanted to CTB by now. I was close to having everything ready, but the timing just didn't work out. I have family and can't ruin holidays, so now I have to hang on for another few weeks. It's agony, every day feels harder than the last. The cold weather makes me miserable and the holidays are painful, there's nothing happy about this time of year for me.
 
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O

Overwhelmed52

Student
Dec 3, 2024
148
I'm really up and down. I'm worried about what's going to happen. I'm on medication for depression/anxiety, but it's new and a bad side effect is that it makes my anxiety much worse to the point I want to ctb. I was feeling better today during the day, but a couple of things happened to freak me out a little and so tonight I'm anxious again. I don't have a lot of enjoyment in life anyway, and this anxiety is downright painful. I don't have a good way to ctb and I have a pretty strong SI, so I've stopped taking care of myself hoping I'll get sick and die. If anyone knows a good way to to get a fatal disease let me know!
 
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hereornot

hereornot

Freedom
May 16, 2024
143
I found a way to get past the SI, at least it works for me. But I don't feel like repeating it, I'll try to make the most of the effect from last time.
 
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hereornot

hereornot

Freedom
May 16, 2024
143
Doing bad things, things that are bad for me, or things that are repulsive, to feel guilty and deserve death. It's hard to explain, but it has worked. It makes you want to kill yourself and I believe that when the time comes, all you need to do is remember. Beforehand, it already works a lot and invalidates any contrary thoughts.

This is not advice; on the contrary, I don't recommend it. But everyone is free to seek what they need to get there.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,269
Been struggling with the same thing past few years. My quality of life keeps getting worse as does my mental health. I no longer have a "reason" to keep going, yet here I am typing this. Fucking exhausting is what it truly is. Just wish I could summon the bravery to finally solve all my problems by CTBing, but it's so much harder than I thought....
 
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J

J&L383

Wizard
Jul 18, 2023
639
SI is keeping me bonded to this hellish realm. Fuck this. Winter only makes shit worse for my ass. Ugh.
Winter is so tough for me, too. ☹️
 
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