MyShadow
Member
- Aug 27, 2025
- 82
I was in a relationship and helping her raise her two sons for three years. We decided to move in together because I loved her and loved the boys like they were my own.
Since the boys were relatively young (9 and 14), I wanted to be the best role model possible, and took my role as the "man of the house" seriously, yet careful to not tread on their mom's authority.
I felt it was important to "walk the walk". I went to bed early and got up long before dawn every day, worked hard at work and at home, handling basic chores like cleaning, laundry, and taking care of our two dogs. It was my goal to to show them the value of hard work, honor, integrity and working together as a "family". I also remained completely sober because of what I knew about their family history.
The boys' father had died of alcoholism two years previous and his family history was full of addiction and mental illness. I eventually learned that their mother was irresponsible with money, forcing them to move multiple time when the boys were still so young. I also found out that she was an active alcoholic and in the habit of getting behind the wheel after "going out with the girls". After some digging, I found out that her family's history of alcoholism and addiction was very similar to the boy's dad. Of course, I had to find this out on my own because she remained in denial of there being any problems whatsoever.
Meanwhile, I was trying to teach the boys that they could live an amazing life without drugs or alcohol. We went on multiple family vacations together. The younger boy and I developed a strong relationship and he started calling me "Dad" after a year. The older son was stand-offish and somewhat rebellious, which I understood because of his age but we started bonding during school drop-offs, teaching him how to drive, and over meals.
Everything seemed perfect and it warmed my heart to feel the warmth of family life, something that I had never had before. Things were looking good for all of us. The boys were doing well in school and I helped find the older son a job. Their mom started describing me to her friends as the "savior" of their family because of the transformation she was witnessing.
Needless to say, I ignored the red flags and became invested in this situation. This is partially because of my tendency to get attached, thanks to my own history of abandonment and mental health issues. But, by the time I realized what I had gotten myself into, it was too late.
Two years into the relationship, both boys started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Drugs, alcohol and manipulative behavior as well as frequently driving drunk or high became a habit of the older son. The younger boy started vandalizing public property and sneaking out late at night. Then $2300 dollars disappeared from my business's bank deposit bag. Everything that I was trying to teach them was being largely ignored. Meanwhile, their mother was enabling the situation so it got progressively worse.
I was stretched thin financially, emotionally and psychologically and couples counseling wasn't helping. I developed anger issues that manifested itself in being overprotective of the boys and road rage. I needed help but their mom
offered me nothing in terms of understanding or help, so turned to couple's counseling for help.
Regardless, things continued to escalate. The older boy physically confronted me when I took his car keys when he was obviously high and carrying bottles of stolen alcohol in his backpack. I managed to avoid getting hurt or hurting him, but was forced to subdue him, and he ended up on the floor. He was unharmed but startled, but it was the obvious end of the relationship and family life. She immediately sided with her son and I moved out that afternoon and never returned.
Turns out that he was addicted to cocaine while all of this was happening and ended up in rehab less than two weeks after I moved out. At 17 years old, despite how hard I worked to show him otherwise, he chose the life that destroyed so many others in his family. I also discovered that the younger boy had been smoking pot and he and him mom lied to me about it for over a year.
All of these events and outcomes broke my heart and broke me as a man. It also reminded me that I can't fix anyone. I need to fix myself first and learn how to spot and respond to red flags. But, as I mentioned, it broke me as a man. I tried to date again, but I she was dysfunctional as well, so my ability to trust has disappeared.
I have completely given up on any attempt to be in a relationship and because my financial situation and mental health have both gotten worse, I am looking forward to ending my life and finally achieving the peace that I have longed for.
Since the boys were relatively young (9 and 14), I wanted to be the best role model possible, and took my role as the "man of the house" seriously, yet careful to not tread on their mom's authority.
I felt it was important to "walk the walk". I went to bed early and got up long before dawn every day, worked hard at work and at home, handling basic chores like cleaning, laundry, and taking care of our two dogs. It was my goal to to show them the value of hard work, honor, integrity and working together as a "family". I also remained completely sober because of what I knew about their family history.
The boys' father had died of alcoholism two years previous and his family history was full of addiction and mental illness. I eventually learned that their mother was irresponsible with money, forcing them to move multiple time when the boys were still so young. I also found out that she was an active alcoholic and in the habit of getting behind the wheel after "going out with the girls". After some digging, I found out that her family's history of alcoholism and addiction was very similar to the boy's dad. Of course, I had to find this out on my own because she remained in denial of there being any problems whatsoever.
Meanwhile, I was trying to teach the boys that they could live an amazing life without drugs or alcohol. We went on multiple family vacations together. The younger boy and I developed a strong relationship and he started calling me "Dad" after a year. The older son was stand-offish and somewhat rebellious, which I understood because of his age but we started bonding during school drop-offs, teaching him how to drive, and over meals.
Everything seemed perfect and it warmed my heart to feel the warmth of family life, something that I had never had before. Things were looking good for all of us. The boys were doing well in school and I helped find the older son a job. Their mom started describing me to her friends as the "savior" of their family because of the transformation she was witnessing.
Needless to say, I ignored the red flags and became invested in this situation. This is partially because of my tendency to get attached, thanks to my own history of abandonment and mental health issues. But, by the time I realized what I had gotten myself into, it was too late.
Two years into the relationship, both boys started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Drugs, alcohol and manipulative behavior as well as frequently driving drunk or high became a habit of the older son. The younger boy started vandalizing public property and sneaking out late at night. Then $2300 dollars disappeared from my business's bank deposit bag. Everything that I was trying to teach them was being largely ignored. Meanwhile, their mother was enabling the situation so it got progressively worse.
I was stretched thin financially, emotionally and psychologically and couples counseling wasn't helping. I developed anger issues that manifested itself in being overprotective of the boys and road rage. I needed help but their mom
offered me nothing in terms of understanding or help, so turned to couple's counseling for help.
Regardless, things continued to escalate. The older boy physically confronted me when I took his car keys when he was obviously high and carrying bottles of stolen alcohol in his backpack. I managed to avoid getting hurt or hurting him, but was forced to subdue him, and he ended up on the floor. He was unharmed but startled, but it was the obvious end of the relationship and family life. She immediately sided with her son and I moved out that afternoon and never returned.
Turns out that he was addicted to cocaine while all of this was happening and ended up in rehab less than two weeks after I moved out. At 17 years old, despite how hard I worked to show him otherwise, he chose the life that destroyed so many others in his family. I also discovered that the younger boy had been smoking pot and he and him mom lied to me about it for over a year.
All of these events and outcomes broke my heart and broke me as a man. It also reminded me that I can't fix anyone. I need to fix myself first and learn how to spot and respond to red flags. But, as I mentioned, it broke me as a man. I tried to date again, but I she was dysfunctional as well, so my ability to trust has disappeared.
I have completely given up on any attempt to be in a relationship and because my financial situation and mental health have both gotten worse, I am looking forward to ending my life and finally achieving the peace that I have longed for.
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