Story Another horrible psychologist

[futurebuscatcher]

Okay so here's a rant first before my actual story:

I have lost all respect for the entire branch of psychology. It feels like its all straight morality police.

Seriously a Psych student I know who is near graduation was surprised at the fact that when someone with an eating disorder eats after a while of not having food they can get really sick. It just seems that none of them actually get it or have no actual experience with sick people or extremely depressed ones. They're a cool person but I worry for their future patients especially with somw of the stuff the mention about their view on disorders.

Even the good ones can't actually help cause they're limited by our current system. You cant even open up to them without them sending you away in paper scrubs. You literally cant even say you're sad.

I will say however seeing some of the psychology students on here gives me hope, seeing how they get it and actually want to change the system and fight for the rights of Assisted Suicide.

Now the story:

In my previous rant I told you how my "therapist" just spent the whole time telling me to go outside and exercise (was bedbound). I told her I had suicidal thoughts since I was young and not a minute later she asked me if I wad suicidal. She then sent 7 mental health professionals after me while i was panicking cause I do not want to be locked away. Geez lady. How helpful. Totally didn't make it worse.

Now here's where the story continues:

They tried to send me to IOP which I declined because 1) I'm not stupid you are all gonna lock me away to a Psych ward to be abused 2) it's so far from my home (US citizen) and I'd rack up from crazy fees in oil in gas– not even accounting for traffic. 3) I cannot take 2 weeks off. I literally cant because of my situation.

Then my follow up appointment, one of the psychs that supply my medicine literally was like "seems you don't want to get better" when I said I cant do that he kept saying I was overworking and needed a break. I told him I can't take a break and he just started questioning me and assuming shit about me. I am here to become better not worse. There's effort here. I'm no refusing help I can't take the stuff your providing

Of course I need a break I know I do. But I can't not cook or grocery stop or stop work or school to pay the bills. I can't stop. Why dont they get this? They always act so high and mighty holier than thou when you don't align with them.

Keeps trying to switch my meds like that will fix me. It's almost likes he's looking for a cure. "It gets better" but I've been told that since I was fucking 12.

I'm honestly thinking to just quit and even go off my meds or find another way to get them so I can stop with these damned appointments where I just get berated and talked down to. What's the point of going to a professional for help if I have to lie. How many professional have I gone to at this point just for them to make things worse? Can't even rely on friends either. It's clear they don't care.

I'm still debating my suicide prep plan from my previous post– to cancel all Psychology appointments and stop taking my meds cause it's clear none are helping.

I hope if I do it as I spiral it will finally make me reach my breaking point. I've said I've been wanting to test my method this month but have just been so fuckung exhausted to. Can barely even finish my note.

My fear is being sent away to one of the places filled with nurses on power trips.

People I open up to just judge me or laugh at me.

Idk if I'm overreacting of of this is coherent I'm just so tired.

 

[Sutter]

Yup worst nightmare.

Makes me wonder about therapists. Doesn't make sense to me. Some people are kind souls, like sparrows with broken wings, or a dog that shies away from being beat. There are others though, like feeding salmon to a half full bear, don't know if he is going to take the fish or you.

I fall probably more into the screw you and the horse you rode in on category. Sitting there like a calm but spooked fox. No amount of manipulation, frustration, gas lighting, or feigned sincerity is going to move me anywhere. Honestly figure most people are that way, they come to a place in their own time.

There is still a fair bit of forrest out there, would do well for those in the mental health field perhaps to ditch the books and romantic notions and get acquainted with the world we live in. It is not all roses, a bull moose is not a play thing, bears are not a joke, and a fox comes to a slow and steady hand with a kind heart.

Agree Sir/Maam, should be better help than that, if science is what it is.

May be a lot more future bus catchers, if this holds true. Still thinking there might be a few that weren't stomped by Moose or eaten by bears, never know, stranger things and all.

Your way will come, whatever that may be.

 

[depthss]

i can relate very heavily. i have a good psychologist now, but its a miracle i found him. i started seeing people when i was 9, lasted for most of my childhood. i switched around to bunch of people, they were all pretty terrible, none of them could help me in the slightest. if anything, a lot of them just made me feel worse.
it wasnt even my decision to start seeing my current guy, but im glad i started. but i had to go through YEARS of bullshit with unhelpful people before i got to him. if i ever have to stop seeing him for any reason, which i hope doesnt happen, i probably wont look for anyone else, because the chances i find another person who knows what theyre doing is super low.
for every good psychologist, there are 10 bad ones.

 

[futurebuscatcher]

I hope I find one but I also hope I can CBT quicker. Idk if it's a good idea to go off meds tho
Ugh it's so weird. I kinda do want a therapist but I'm also so tired of appointments. But I also just wanna stop entirely and hopefully have it speedup my CBT

Idk if going off my meds are worth it though

 

[yowai]

Some people choose this career just so they can feel good about themselves and be "the savior", basically like narcissists so no wonder they don't have much insight

 

[futurebuscatcher]

Some people choose this career just so they can feel good about themselves and be "the savior", basically like narcissists so no wonder they don't have much insight

I actually never considered the savior complex angle, always thought of the moral police stuff– but this makes more sense especially looking back on these past few months.

They really did just want to feel like they're doing something good or do something dir the sake of it

One Psych I saw literally said "I seem to be very self aware you should be fine" as if that means I don't need help

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I went to a psychiatrist once, who was a disaster. I went to a therapist after that who was pretty good, but I also felt that she didn't like me that much. Now, years later, I am going to a nurse practitioner virtually, who shows next to zero interest. We had a conversation about my background on the first call, and I guess she was okay then, but the other two calls have been very brief and just to give me meds. Today's call was literally two minutes. Then, she suddenly says that I owe a co-pay of $30 for each visit, and since I've been three times she's going to charge me $90. She asked if I agree to it and I said I did because I didn't feel like I have a choice, but I regretted it almost right away. I do stuff like that often, and I really wish I was better at speaking up for myself. I am pretty sure that I am covered for the whole thing and I've never had to pay such a high-copay, anyway. So now I have to look the co-pay up with my insurance company and ask them. So, the only thing I've gotten out of the call today is a refill on meds that I'm not sure are even right for me (I told her I'd had some bad side effects and she couldn't have cared less) and a bill that I now have to look up to see if it's right. It's such a pain.

I get much more therapy by writing and reading on this board than anything I've gotten from a "professional."