Any Christian here ?

[saturn1402]

I know it sounds very bizarre a Christian who is very active in the church community and going to church every Sunday wanting to end their life so badly. But here I am

Anyone else in a similar situation?

 

[Reflection]

While I'm not a christian I have a question if you don't mind: does fear of hell make you reconsider ctb or deter you from it?

 

[zappynomore]

not really in the past, I went to church all the time and believed in god but not anymore.


have you been taught its a sin to ctb?

 

[saturn1402]

While I'm not a christian I have a question if you don't mind: does fear of hell make you reconsider ctb?

No it doesn't because I am already living in hell. Also the Bible says that Salvation is by grace, not by works

not really in the past, I went to church all the time and believed in god but not anymore.


have you been taught its a sin to ctb?

I have been taught so but my personal interpretation is different

 

[Corvette90]

I'm a newish Christian. I was brought up without faith as my father was very strict and hated all religions. My mother was a lapsed Catholic. I was always agnostic, almost went to Eastern religions and spirituality. My issue is at my church they are anti mental health treatment. So I feel I'm almost betraying them by not disclosing I'm on Fluoxetine etc. Problem is no matter how much worship music or listening to the bible verses I couldn't break through the deep sadness. I'm not a very good Christian and haven't even had my baptism yet. I desperately want to be saved. I honestly don't understand God sometimes. This is his plan for me? I even had an exorcism performed on me (holy water and all). I am not doubting my friends testimonies, its just I struggle as someone who was brought up with a different mindset. And being brought up in two different cultures was a bit alienating (never truly fit). I wanted to end my life for a long long time. And faith was a good part of why I didn't - mainly mum's side of the family and her friends. It put the seed in my head. My problem is my ideation hasn't gone away since plunging myself into church. It's actually got stronger. December I almost attempted. I stayed at my friends house while it was at its peak. I'm so confused. I'm not pro life or pro death . It's just not fair that people suffer so much with no escape. I'm just here in my reality trying to make sense of everything. I honestly thought I'd feel better going to church but it's kind of pressure sometimes. I can't get up in front of everybody and give my testimony as it's not quite happened yet. My friends are lovely though. I have been a bit distant recently all these thoughts about ctb. I'm interested in any perspectives around life/death, ctb, spirituality etc. Christianity I fell into as it was the most familiar and I felt peace around my friends. Also I kept interacting randomly with different Christians (in times when I was in a state).
It's very nice to meet you @saturn1402

 

[Turtle Power]

I was raised Christian, parents are Christian, but I don't believe any of that stuff anymore. Pretty sure I was Christian in a past life too, because this world is definitely hell.

After I "sinned" and starting reading about other cultures and religions (God forbid I learn something outside of church!) I realized it's all bullshit. There's over 10,000 different religions in this world, and the only reason Christianity is so widespread is because the English and other European countries forced it on other people and killed them if they didn't convert.

 

[TheVeiledSeraph]

I am a Christian as well and here I am as of today. Not because I lack faith in my religion. But because this world is so ungodly.

 

[isolonelygirl99]

I am a Christian, I believe in God and know His only Son Jesus who died for all my sins. I do feel at times that I am betraying my faith by wanting to ctb, but constantly being reminded each day that due to wrong choices and bad decisions make existence unbearable.

 

[saturn1402]

I'm a newish Christian. I was brought up without faith as my father was very strict and hated all religions. My mother was a lapsed Catholic. I was always agnostic, almost went to Eastern religions and spirituality. My issue is at my church they are anti mental health treatment. So I feel I'm almost betraying them by not disclosing I'm on Fluoxetine etc. Problem is no matter how much worship music or listening to the bible verses I couldn't break through the deep sadness. I'm not a very good Christian and haven't even had my baptism yet. I desperately want to be saved. I honestly don't understand God sometimes. This is his plan for me? I even had an exorcism performed on me (holy water and all). I am not doubting my friends testimonies, its just I struggle as someone who was brought up with a different mindset. And being brought up in two different cultures was a bit alienating (never truly fit). I wanted to end my life for a long long time. And faith was a good part of why I didn't - mainly mum's side of the family and her friends. It put the seed in my head. My problem is my ideation hasn't gone away since plunging myself into church. It's actually got stronger. December I almost attempted. I stayed at my friends house while it was at its peak. I'm so confused. I'm not pro life or pro death . It's just not fair that people suffer so much with no escape. I'm just here in my reality trying to make sense of everything. I honestly thought I'd feel better going to church but it's kind of pressure sometimes. I can't get up in front of everybody and give my testimony as it's not quite happened yet. My friends are lovely though. I have been a bit distant recently all these thoughts about ctb. I'm interested in any perspectives around life/death, ctb, spirituality etc. Christianity I fell into as it was the most familiar and I felt peace around my friends. Also I kept interacting randomly with different Christians (in times when I was in a state).
It's very nice to meet you @saturn1402

What a lovely testimony I also got much closer to faith very recently. Thankfully my church is very open to mental health issues… that's actually were I have been feeling heard the most regarding my depression.

Lovely meeting you

I am a Christian, I believe in God and know His only Son Jesus who died for all my sins. I do feel at times that I am betraying my faith by wanting to ctb, but constantly being reminded each day that due to wrong choices and bad decisions make existence unbearable.

same here

 

[MrShino]

Blessings! Fellow believer here.

I know it sounds very bizarre a Christian who is very active in the church community and going to church every Sunday wanting to end their life so badly. But here I am

Anyone else in a similar situation?

It's not that strange, I think. Also people of faith may struggle with suicidality. The wish to end your life is most likely because of attacks from the enemy and perhaps also the sensitivity to the ungodliness of the world and our own shortcomings. The solution, is, as always I believe, to draw closer to God. In Him you will find the strength and protectiveness to live well and impacting others for the Kingdom. As you draw closer to God and experience more of Him in your life, I believe depression and suicidality will also eventually go away and you will be strengthened in your inner being.

I am a Christian, I believe in God and know His only Son Jesus who died for all my sins. I do feel at times that I am betraying my faith by wanting to ctb, but constantly being reminded each day that due to wrong choices and bad decisions make existence unbearable.

I feel you on this, I have been struggling with the exact same thing. Let's remind ourselves that we are new creations in Christ and that the old has passed away. Jesus took all our sins and wrongdoings on the Cross and they are not a part of us anymore, no matter what our thoughts and feelings tell us. Remind yourself that the past and its wrongs are gone and that Jesus has taken them away from us and given us forgiveness of sins.

'Satan the accuser desires to remind believers of their sin and their unworthiness of a place in God's family and in this way sow doubt into their hearts and minds. Satan wants to make Christians fear for their salvation and forget God's love and faithfulness. Satan says, "Look at your sinfulness"; God says, "Look to Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith" (see Hebrews 12:2).'

Also, do all you can to avoid known sins in your life (and seek deliverance and prayers if you are not able). If we give in to temptations, it seems to give the enemy more influence and possibility to negatively affect us and we also feel further from God. I think the best thing we can do for a speedy recovery is replacing the lies of the enemy with the truths of God, avoiding sin at all cost and keep focusing on Jesus, drawing closer to Him.

God bless! I wish you all the best, and if you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me.

 

[Halfhourdays]

No it doesn't because I am already living in hell. Also the Bible says that Salvation is by grace, not by works

I have been taught so but my personal interpretation is different

What do you mean, you're in Hell?

 

[Worndown]

I know it sounds very bizarre a Christian who is very active in the church community and going to church every Sunday wanting to end their life so badly. But here I am

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Not bizarre. Life kicks members of all faiths/non-believers in the head every so often. They end up here eventually.

 

[saturn1402]

What do you mean, you're in Hell?

That my life feels like hell