anybody else self sabotage

[sirciroc]

not in terms of actually ctb. I mean in the sense that any route of support or ability to get better or try harder just fails repeatedly because you can't bring yourself to fully care, or at least care for that long because you sink back into apathy and/or hopelessness even when you try. I feel like my support systems aren't working anymore. This therapy and medication and completely ridiculously undeserved levels of patience from my loved ones just….idk if it's helping anymore

 

[dontlook]

I'm falling into self sabotage and not caring again I think. I want to stop my meds to make it easier to distance myself and become more volatile. I think it will help me stop caring as much about hurting those around me when I kill myself

 

[zxcvb]

Ya like wheres the point...

 

[LostLily]

As much as I complain about my life, I am too lazy/afraid to make any changes. I want to go back to school, but I'm afraid. I want to restart writing my book but I always lose interest or get to frustrated to continue. My anxiety makes me afraid even to attempt to get a driver's license. Despite living at home and paying no rent I go through periods of frantic spending on random shit and some months I'm in the red. Luckily my spending is starting to be under control now.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No because the concept of getting better doesn't apply to me. Even if it did apply to me, I wouldn't self sabotage myself as I want myself to suffer as little as possible since I value myself. The less I suffer, the better. I wouldn't ever intentionally do something with the motive of causing myself more suffering because I'm already suffering enough in this shitty, horrific existence

 

[TinyGuy]

Yes I do self sabotage a lot I do SH but let's say that doesnt counts I do things that specifically make me more depreseed like watching people suicide I also refuse to make my life any better because I feel like I should suffer.I always talk bad stuff about myself in my brain I say how useless I am if I do a mistake I focus on it so much and blame myself a lot I say that I hurt a lot of people when thats not always true it just my brain sabotaging me again and there are other stuff that I do but if I list them I will have to write a long message.

 

[sirciroc]

I'm falling into self sabotage and not caring again I think. I want to stop my meds to make it easier to distance myself and become more volatile. I think it will help me stop caring as much about hurting those around me when I kill myself

The way I thought about this when in the shower. I thought if I stopped taking these meds maybe I'll be miserable enough to not care about the consequences anymore

As much as I complain about my life, I am too lazy/afraid to make any changes. I want to go back to school, but I'm afraid. I want to restart writing my book but I always lose interest or get to frustrated to continue. My anxiety makes me afraid even to attempt to get a driver's license. Despite living at home and paying no rent I go through periods of frantic spending on random shit and some months I'm in the red. Luckily my spending is starting to be under control now.

It's like we're twins. I'm having so many of these problems rn. Especially the school one. I also don't pay any rent and spend on random shit which just makes me feel more useless and irresponsible.

I had extreme anxiety in regard to driving and kept putting off getting my license. I was very nervous on the road for the first six months or so, but now a couple years in I don't even think about it tbh. That's the last thing I really accomplished though

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

not in terms of actually ctb. I mean in the sense that any route of support or ability to get better or try harder just fails repeatedly because you can't bring yourself to fully care, or at least care for that long because you sink back into apathy and/or hopelessness even when you try. I feel like my support systems aren't working anymore. This therapy and medication and completely ridiculously undeserved levels of patience from my loved ones just….idk if it's helping anymore

Yes, that's why I stopped people letting me help me. I don't deserve help, and don't want it, because I don't care. I just don't want to live.

 

[cazza82]

Totally because I feel like I don't deserve it and I'm not worthy of that help

 

[cait_sith]

I'm scared to disclose how much I self-sabotaged myself for years always thinking I would kms anyway but ending up never getting around to it, it's insane. This limbo you get stuck at is horrible, I should either kill myself or try to improve but not in-between frankenstein-shit I have been doing for a decade now is shameful where I keep living but not doing anything as I will die anyway, I should either ctb now or change now.

 

[Wistful]

Yes.
That's how I got to the place where I am now.
Most times I often wondered why do I self-sabotaged myself, is it out of guilt or something else?

 

[Forever Sleep]

In slightly different terms in that my living environment is disgusting. I so badly need to start tidying and cleaning but I detest it so much. But then, I know I'd feel better once I'd done it. It makes working on new projects more difficult too.

I'm like that with exercise and eating healthier too. I know the longer-term benefits would be good but, I also despise both. How come all the things that are better for you in life are so tedious?

 

[areyousafe??]

I recently stopped taking my antidepressants. What's the point in taking it when I'm just going to fall back down again?

 

[yowai]

Yeah I give up on therapy all the time after a couple of meetings, I'm choosing drugs and lying to my supportive partner of 5 years, and can't for the love of god keep a regular sleep schedule. I wake up and go to sleep at different time every day and some things just can't get done if I get up in the evening. Also putting off stuff I have to do for as long as possible

 

[CantDoIt]

Yeah I don't want help anymore I just wanna be gone, and I'm sorry because I put my all into things for the last few years and I will be hurting people when I go. :/ I hate the life I got so much lmfao.