aristotle is ok
time to reflect & accept
- Oct 11, 2021
- 25
Hi everyone. I hope and pray all are having an OK day. I'll get to the point. I'm 69, I've seen and been through a lot in my time on the planet. I've used up at least 8 of my proverbial 9 lives. Car accidents, a 3 storey fall from a dorm in college, bar fights w/ broken long neck Miller bottles, which ripped off 75% of my nose (sewn back on by a gifted surgeon), brass knuckles which broke fragile bones around my left eye (another careful surgical repair, a 'broken neck (see my x ray image w/ titanium braces installed), 2 times having loaded pistols at point blank range by enraged men). Oh, so many suicide attempts: drank 2 cups of bleach & then stabbed myself 3 times-belly button, mis section & under sternum, drank ant poison, cut my wrists 3 times-once w/ a flat nosed screwdriver b/c I didn't have a knife in a motel room, hooked up vacuum cleaner hose to my tailpipe and duct taped it into the side window of an airtight VW, tied to OD on valiums, and Oxycodone. All that off the top of my head. No joke. It's been hell and 4 yrs of heaven from 17-21 as an exchange student to France, then senior in HS voted pres of senior class, pres of nat'l honor society, captain og wrestling team & tournament champion, first team rugby player in French lycee which won championship of Brittany & nat'l champion of small lycees that golden yr in France. Born poor & lived in projects until I got a full scholarship to a top ranked liberal arts college, where they paid for a semester abroad in Grenoble. Became an alcoholic, majored in philosophy and became a bricklayer for 30 yrs, hitchhiked cross country, hiked the entire length of Sierra mountain range (642 miles in 58 days) was a ski instructor, lobster fisherman's helper in Fla Keys. Oh yeah, I worked my way up & down east coast of USA with no money in my non existent bank account but managed to find jobs wherever I went, working in car washes and French restaurants (fluent in French). OK never married, no kids, shacked up w/ 4 different women for several yrs but had to go wander & explore the world...the truth is I kept running and running away from myself but wherever I went, my alcoholism chased me down.
There's part of the story of my life.
After I broke my back in 1975 I toughed it out hoisting cinder blocks for years & years. BUT finally it all caught up 11 yrs ago when I broke my neck while hanging a heavy door which collapsed on me. I never sued anyone for medical malpractice (caught meningitis by infection during 1st neck surgery), didn't sue homeowner or docs for misdiagnoses and blunders & negligent malpractice by other docs.
I pretend that b/c I have tried to live like a Buddhist since I studied religions of the world in college. But the truth is whatever bad luck befell me I honestly thought I deserved it b/c I was a POS b/c my mother had to marry a man who lost his mind in WWii in Okinawa & Iwo Jima. She blamed me that she HAD to marry him in 1952 when I was born. She hated me and verbally abused me up to and through high school & college. I was a stellar student and athlete b/c I tried everything to win her love but nothing mattered.
So thanks for reading all that. I have crippling arthritis from the broken neck 11 yrs ago as my muscles have atrophied to the point I can barely walk to the next room to take a piss (sitting down). I could go on forever...anyway I have SN (such a BIG container,,enough for all of us) and I'm just waiting until I fall & break a hip or something, OR can't make it to the toilet except by crawling. I foresee that happening within this calendar year. BUT, I'm an isealist..never lied, cheated or stole HONEST. I'm one of the most generous, forgiving and loving person you'd ever meet. Not boasting, just giving you the facts. But Ever since college, I've tried to live as a buddhist AND marched for the cause against Vietnam in the 60's and for health care a few yrs ago pushing my walker. S her's what I mean to say. I don't want to leave this world WORSE OFF THAN WHEN I ENTERED IT. So I want to wait until I see Trump & his enablers, his family and associates AND Matt gaetz in orange jump suits or themselves catching the bus. I want to wait until there is JUSTICE in this world, AND Social Democracy in the USA as it is in the Scandinavian countries. I'm pretty sure I won't last long enough to see that happen, but I might just see trump, ngaetz, stone, bannon, Gym Jordan, devon nunes, etc. in prison or dead by suicides. I'm up to almost 900 words here, I hope this get's posted b/c it might need to be split up into 2 posts. We'll see. Thanks for reading and 'may you walk in the path of the buddha (he wouldn't want his name capitalized).
PS My mother died 2 yrs ago @ 90 something, still hating my guts. Oh well, c'est la vie, c'est la guerre. Bonne chance a tout le monde ici ; WALLA!
There's part of the story of my life.
After I broke my back in 1975 I toughed it out hoisting cinder blocks for years & years. BUT finally it all caught up 11 yrs ago when I broke my neck while hanging a heavy door which collapsed on me. I never sued anyone for medical malpractice (caught meningitis by infection during 1st neck surgery), didn't sue homeowner or docs for misdiagnoses and blunders & negligent malpractice by other docs.
I pretend that b/c I have tried to live like a Buddhist since I studied religions of the world in college. But the truth is whatever bad luck befell me I honestly thought I deserved it b/c I was a POS b/c my mother had to marry a man who lost his mind in WWii in Okinawa & Iwo Jima. She blamed me that she HAD to marry him in 1952 when I was born. She hated me and verbally abused me up to and through high school & college. I was a stellar student and athlete b/c I tried everything to win her love but nothing mattered.
So thanks for reading all that. I have crippling arthritis from the broken neck 11 yrs ago as my muscles have atrophied to the point I can barely walk to the next room to take a piss (sitting down). I could go on forever...anyway I have SN (such a BIG container,,enough for all of us) and I'm just waiting until I fall & break a hip or something, OR can't make it to the toilet except by crawling. I foresee that happening within this calendar year. BUT, I'm an isealist..never lied, cheated or stole HONEST. I'm one of the most generous, forgiving and loving person you'd ever meet. Not boasting, just giving you the facts. But Ever since college, I've tried to live as a buddhist AND marched for the cause against Vietnam in the 60's and for health care a few yrs ago pushing my walker. S her's what I mean to say. I don't want to leave this world WORSE OFF THAN WHEN I ENTERED IT. So I want to wait until I see Trump & his enablers, his family and associates AND Matt gaetz in orange jump suits or themselves catching the bus. I want to wait until there is JUSTICE in this world, AND Social Democracy in the USA as it is in the Scandinavian countries. I'm pretty sure I won't last long enough to see that happen, but I might just see trump, ngaetz, stone, bannon, Gym Jordan, devon nunes, etc. in prison or dead by suicides. I'm up to almost 900 words here, I hope this get's posted b/c it might need to be split up into 2 posts. We'll see. Thanks for reading and 'may you walk in the path of the buddha (he wouldn't want his name capitalized).
PS My mother died 2 yrs ago @ 90 something, still hating my guts. Oh well, c'est la vie, c'est la guerre. Bonne chance a tout le monde ici ; WALLA!
