Anyone else choose to stay alive for other people?

[alfie]

Have chosen not to catch the bus, for the sake of my loved ones.

But it's not easy. I have to constantly convince myself to continue to survive for them.

Has anyone else chosen to stay alive for other people? If so, how do you get yourself to do keep this up?

 

[CuddleHug]

This is the only reason I'm still alive. My death would impact them too much. I don't see why an empty shell of myself is better than a dead one, but it's not up to me to decide for them. I know they want me here, so I try my best to survive.

As for how to keep it up, well, I counter every duicidsl thought with "they'd be devastated if I did that" or sonething similar. I also tell myself that I don't need to live for myself, it's oksy to live for others. Or survive. You don't need to do more than survive.

Hugs~

 

[ocd is bad]

If I wasn't worried about my parents I would have shot myself a while ago

 

[leiche]

this spring i could've caught the bus already, but my friend came back to my town to spend her vacation. we had fun and drank a lot and i was like "why do i even think about ctb? it's stupid, i can't leave her alone".

now she's gone again and i'm alone again. i know my death would affect her TOO much since i'm her only friend.... idk what to do, my suicidal thoughts came back

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i tell myself that my younger sister needs me. she gets so happy whenever we spend time together, i feel guilty for wanting to do something that would take that joy away from her eyes. i don't want to traumatize her, especially when she's so young.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Not only would my death leave a heinous toll on my loved ones, but my life can be put to use helping other people.

How do I keep it up? By making a habit of choosing principle over pleasure. I choose the harder path. By choosing to stay alive, you choose to suffer more. May as well live a live that aligns with your ideals and your goals.

It's only you that can make your life worth living. Best of luck.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

my Mum and my dog he is such a good boy he doesn't deserve any bad things in his little life, he's such a good boy, but who knows.........

 

[BPD Barbie]

I've tried to stay alive for not just other people but also myself. It's not easy and you lose so much of you in the process.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Friends and people here give me more incentive to live than family ever will.

 

[Moonomyth]

Yes, but this is also encouraging me to be a worse person to ensure that they leave of their own accord and I can get on with the business of putting together a bus schedule.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

People no, cats yes.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

My parents, yeah... Maybe I am selfish for wanting to CTB still, after the many good things they have done for me.
But overall... I am keeping my stay on this messed up frontline of a life because of them. Kind of.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

My children. I want to CTB everyday but for now I will stay for them because they need me, love me, and I can't abandon them. I'd go through any amount of suffering for them.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I feel so so much guilt and I have stayed alive for loved ones for years now. I'm afraid if I ctb my mom will too. But I can't keep it up forever. I'm trying to be open with her...it definitely won't be a shock for them but it's just so hard for me to ctb because of my guilt. If no one cared about me I would ctb in a heartbeat no second thoughts.

 

[FrostMonolith]

I'm not one of who chose not to ctb for others, but I'm glad to hear everyone's reasons here I might just try convince myself the same.

 

[Susannah]

Not only would my death leave a heinous toll on my loved ones, but my life can be put to use helping other people.

How do I keep it up? By making a habit of choosing principle over pleasure. I choose the harder path. By choosing to stay alive, you choose to suffer more. May as well live a live that aligns with your ideals and your goals.

It's only you that can make your life worth living. Best of luck.

Well said. I feel the same. I choose life and I accept the suffering. When I observe the world around me, I know I'm not alone. Only different between my close ones and me, is that I regard ctb as an option. They don't. So in some way, I feel stronger, knowing there's a way out of the misery. It leaves me with 2 choices instead of 1.

I also have my son, some friends, and of course my mum (and dad). They already lost one child (my older sister) many years ago, and I just can't ruin them their last years.

 

[onlyeverexisting]

I go back and forth on this all the time. My dad's suicide absolutely fucked my family up, and I can't put them through another one seeing the domino effect it's had on every aspect of our lives. My mom's actually told me that she would probably ctb herself if she had to lose a child to suicide too, and I can't really blame her for that. At the same time, I've been miserable for years, I have no energy or desire to do any of this shit, and the other things aren't necessarily my responsibility. But, coming from a survivor's perspective, they are. Idfk. It's messy.

 

[Squiddy]

One of the reasons I'm still alive is for my friends and family