Venting Anyone else ctb over ex??

[KiraComplex]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

 

[GreyMonkey]

From my understanding about attachment and trauma now, feeling so hurt and upset to the point of becoming suicidal over a breakup is actually a sign of deeper disturbance inside.

So while fit some a breakup hurts and they can move on without too much fuss.

For others the earlier attachment stuff has it literally feel like they are dying inside. The pain is excruciating and can't be understood really by those who don't also have a similar sort of abandonment trauma.

 

[wendydong1]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

Check out my posts...

 

[KiraComplex]

From my understanding about attachment and trauma now, feeling so hurt and upset to the point of becoming suicidal over a breakup is actually a sign of deeper disturbance inside.

So while fit some a breakup hurts and they can move on without too much fuss.

For others the earlier attachment stuff has it literally feel like they are dying inside. The pain is excruciating and can't be understood really by those who don't also have a similar sort of abandonment trauma.

Elaborate on deeper disturbance?
Interesting

 

[Prideathwish]

Fuck no

 

[KiraComplex]

Check out my posts...

I saw!! We dont need men lol

Fuck no

Fuck no what?

 

[wendydong1]

From my understanding about attachment and trauma now, feeling so hurt and upset to the point of becoming suicidal over a breakup is actually a sign of deeper disturbance inside.

So while fit some a breakup hurts and they can move on without too much fuss.

For others the earlier attachment stuff has it literally feel like they are dying inside. The pain is excruciating and can't be understood really by those who don't also have a similar sort of abandonment trauma.

When I was a kid, my parents would get into arguments a lot. And my dad would just walk out for a day , doesn't say where he is going. But he would come back after half a day or a day.

Everytime he slams that door shut, I would always feel like end of the world and afraid he wouldn't come back. I still remember leaning on the window, and watching him walk away.

The guy that triggers me to CTB, always want me to give me space and shut down communication everytime he gets mad at littlest things. Supposedly his mother is like that as well. His mother would get mad at him and not talk to him for couple days over the smallest things.

And I am always the kind of person that wants to talk shit out and not let it last for days.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Elaborate on deeper disturbance?
Interesting

If you look up anxious attachment and love addiction you will start to make sense of it.

It's quite an uncomfortable door to open though.

Generally relationship difficulties stem from not having the opportunity to securely attach to our primary caregivers when young. This can happen from neglect, abuse, enmeshment or any way that a child does not feel wholly wanted, reflected, and attuned to for their needs.

If we didn't receive this as children then when we get in relationships as adults we can often spiral out of control and breakups are especially hard.

There is a lot more to it. But my point is that I don't want to downplay how painful it actually can be to have a breakup for some people. It can be devastating.

 

[Dawn0071111]

He wasn't even my "ex" thats how pitiful I am..... Pshycology calls him a perpetrator.... A womanizing narcissist... I call him the one I wasn't worthy of, that I was too stupid to let get away. But yeah, ultimately a guy that I adored more than life itself (ha pun) is what brought me down, brought me to SS, brought me to the edge of insanity, to Betrayal Trauma/ Narc Victim Syndrome/Relational PTSD.... And when Im in the casket they will say in unison: " He wasn't worth it, what a travesty she gave her power to someone to take her life, let alone someone who treated her poorly & didn't care about her..." And yet still to me.... It seems perfect that I no longer live without those few moments of pure bliss & happiness I had when I felt that I had all his attention the center of his world... I was alive for the first time... I don't believe I can ever be emotionally resurrected. So permanent unconsciousness is the next best bet for this crushed & destroyed girl.

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

I was just listening to some debates from this famous atheist guy named Christopher Hitchens and he told a story that his mother committed suicide after his parents divorce. For some reason I was particularly touched by that story and saw him in a different light. from Romeo to Juliet to all of the suicide attempts that I believe is successful I believe a great majority of them are relational related..... I would dare to say even though I don't know the statistics that this may be the number one reason why people want to catch the bus you are so not alone

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

Also wanted to add that I do understand the salty feelings than guilt the feeling like it's not enough but I'm sure many people on this board will agree when I say that no one has a reason to judge why someone wants to take control of whether they live or die in gatekeeping is the worst thing you could do in this situation. It's just another way our mine torments us.

If you look up anxious attachment and love addiction you will start to make sense of it.

It's quite an uncomfortable door to open though.

Generally relationship difficulties stem from not having the opportunity to securely attach to our primary caregivers when young. This can happen from neglect, abuse, enmeshment or any way that a child does not feel wholly wanted, reflected, and attuned to for their needs.

If we didn't receive this as children then when we get in relationships as adults we can often spiral out of control and breakups are especially hard.

There is a lot more to it. But my point is that I don't want to downplay how painful it actually can be to have a breakup for some people. It can be devastating.

Is there a cure for that phenomenon?

 

[wendydong1]

I think the cure is time. But I am too tired for the cure to kick in. I am almost 40, time is no longer on my side

 

[Nitromask]

I do wonder whether I would be suicidal if I was still with my ex.

It's hard to know, really, as I was with her in what was the best period of my life in general.

So much other stuff has changed since that period of my life (moved to a new country, high stress job, high expenses, debt), but maybe thoughts of my ex do affect me in some way, or maybe I just miss my old life in general

 

[GreyMonkey]

Time will eventually allow us to move past the pain of the instance.

Sadly it doesn't cure the cause of why it occurred in the first place.

The 'cure' is complicated and hard work. I don't quite know how to get there myself. It will require a lot of determination and both professional and peer support. Sadly most therapists don't truly understand how to work with this. There are some modalities that do address these issues though.

It's sad as those suffering with these kinds of disturbances are generally those of us so desperate to be loved and in so much pain from not truly getting it.

What we most need, I think, is to be radically accepted in our agony. To be held and seen in the places we can't for ourselves yet as the deep shame is allowed to slowly process through our system.

NARM is one therapeutic modality that addresses this.

It's not easy though and does require a lot of will to go there.

I wish there were easier ways.

 

[ImSorryEmma]

I'm very close to, the situation right now with me is that tomorrow is my ex's birthday (which is who my entire profile is based on lol) and I'm planning on getting her something really nice. When she finds out who got her the special gift and if she still hates me like I'm her arch-nemesis then I honestly will probably CTB because I don't see a point of living if I'm just gonna suffer without her. You could say that it's selfish to CTB over your ex but as people mentioned above, there are some who are very attached to their ex and/or had a difficult childhood where breakups can be devastating to them.

 

[KiraComplex]

I'm very close to, the situation right now with me is that tomorrow is my ex's birthday (which is who my entire profile is based on lol) and I'm planning on getting her something really nice. When she finds out who got her the special gift and if she still hates me like I'm her arch-nemesis then I honestly will probably CTB because I don't see a point of living if I'm just gonna suffer without her. You could say that it's selfish to CTB over your ex but as people mentioned above, there are some who are very attached to their ex and/or had a difficult childhood where breakups can be devastating to them.

i hope it goes okay.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Me too, I'm like that.
When I was a teen, the suffering when I was heartbroken was absolutely unbearable.
Now, I stay away from this, for twenty years now.

 

[Shamana]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

I'm not sure there are amazing reasons to suicide, but some are a bit more rational than others. Personally I think killing yourself over your ex is not a good reason. I don't know the details, but it is one of those things that usually get better with time and there are other fish out there even if they are difficult to find.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm not sure there are amazing reasons to suicide, but some are a bit more rational than others. Personally I think killing yourself over your ex is not a good reason. I don't know the details, but it is one of those things that usually get better with time and there are other fish out there even if they are difficult to find.

Nobody dies over a particular ex unless they lack vision. And some people do lack vision. But sometimes, people are smart enough to see the odds and that they do not really consent to spending the rest of their lives with cats. It's pretty straightforward.

I think the rule of thumb should be to ask yourself 'Why do I want this person? Is there anybody I can want who can want me?' That's all there is to it.

 

[KiraComplex]

Nobody dies over a particular ex unless they lack vision. And some people do lack vision. But sometimes, people are smart enough to see the odds and that they do not really consent to spending the rest of their lives with cats. It's pretty straightforward.

I think the rule of thumb should be to ask yourself 'Why do I want this person? Is there anybody I can want who can want me?' That's all there is to it.

Its less of wanting that person, and more of what they did to me and how they treated me and fucked up my life.

 

[woxihuanni]

Its less of wanting that person, and more of what they did to me and how they treated me and fucked up my life.

I feel you. I think people don't quite understand that there are consequences one cannot wave away.

 

[azucaramargo]

From my understanding about attachment and trauma now, feeling so hurt and upset to the point of becoming suicidal over a breakup is actually a sign of deeper disturbance inside.

So while fit some a breakup hurts and they can move on without too much fuss.

For others the earlier attachment stuff has it literally feel like they are dying inside. The pain is excruciating and can't be understood really by those who don't also have a similar sort of abandonment trauma.

Thank you for putting this into words; I wish you'd been around to advocate for me with my folks. xoxo

 

[gingerplum]

If you look up anxious attachment and love addiction you will start to make sense of it.

It's quite an uncomfortable door to open though.

Generally relationship difficulties stem from not having the opportunity to securely attach to our primary caregivers when young. This can happen from neglect, abuse, enmeshment or any way that a child does not feel wholly wanted, reflected, and attuned to for their needs.

If we didn't receive this as children then when we get in relationships as adults we can often spiral out of control and breakups are especially hard.

There is a lot more to it. But my point is that I don't want to downplay how painful it actually can be to have a breakup for some people. It can be devastating.

That is... wow. I just went thru this and it's me, point by point. What a weird feeling, like a devastating epiphany. I just... holy shit, I'm at an actual loss.

 

[AnxietyLion]

Not over ex per say but kind of is at the same time as they ruined my life and stole my hopes and dreams away.

 

[Yorkshire91]

Yes because I'd rather die than live without her, tried failed now a tiny bit of hope keeps me going yet tortures me at the same time. Always thought people would think my reasoning is pathetic but there again they'll never feel my feelings or truly understand.

 

[Rachel74]

My first attempt was over a man who dumped me, then another attempt about a different man. I kept meeting assoles who destroyed my 20s and my self confidence and made me who I am now. I'm glad I didn't succeed.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Women come and go. Why would you kill yourself over some girl you weren't even married to? I've always found it silly.

 

[Girobatol]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

Not worth it. Or maybe you already got depression and this just made it worse?

 

[andy69]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

Yes. I tried twice since April. I am going to try again. His leaving me and way he did it was the final straw. Although there are other reasons.

 

[alexithymia]

I definitely already had issues but my ex used to distract me from them (even though the relationship was pretty toxic). I miss the distraction terribly. I used to feel mostly fine-ish if I was around him. Being alone is awful.

 

[Berlin76]

I feel kind of selfish about it. Everyone else has these amazing reasons and im just salty over some dumbass.
Does anyone else feel the same??

I can relate.
My first girlfriend committed suicide by hanging when i was 18.

My second girlfriend lied alot and cheated on me while i was working night shifts and flirted with guys when we went out to a bar or club. Then when we came home and i would ask about her behavior she would hit me in the face and on multiple time she grabbed my neck till i was bleeding because of her nails in my neck. Finally when i broke up she tried to stab me with a knife.

My last girlfriend 31 also cheated with a guy of 22 years. Some dates i had just lied alot. Just don't get why i come across these cheating woman who call their fuck buddy's, Ow he is just a friend pffff.

 

[Nem]

My ex and I got along well for the most part, except when she was controlling which seemed often. She demanded we stop smoking weed abc when I became depressed two weeks later she said bullshit I don't believe you. She didn't believe me a lot of times, I should've left her right at the beginning, she was instrumental in ruining my fucking life!!!!
Peace/hugs