anyone else feel like theyre living in a different internal reality to most people

[pilotviolin]

never realised until recently how un self aware i am and i feel like ive been reading some random ass book while people are on the same page. i dont know if its my brain hating me or true even i have no basis of reality most of the time, i have no idea whats going on. i feel like a dysfunctioning ant with the wrong phermones or some shit. do you guys feel like you have some bizarro filter on everything or youve grown up just "reading the wrong book" or something? bad example for multiple reasons if u know but the game saya no uta comes to mind with how the mc sees the world and in reality none of the characters want anything bad for the dude but his perception of the world is so messed up he cant connect with anyone and he sees everything as some gory slop and i dont feel as psychopathic or anything extreme but the concept of just living in a different reality that fucks with you rings true for me. i dont know if ive spent too much time alone as a kid, or its my brain or drugs or just everything in a blender basically its everything in a blender but i feel like i cant even speak most the time about the things i really think about because any time i have irl its gone awfully or people dont get it. i am so lost and not even sure where to start, i feel like im missing building blocks of being human and living a normal life and when i try to do something new it makes it apparent like i havent passed the human tutorial and idk what the hell is going on im so confused.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable, for me it's kind of like being outside the matrix. Unfortunately psychiatry couldn't reinsert me.

 

[pilotviolin]

ive been reading up on self disorder, and solipsism but it uses words that dont make sense its very academic or tries to describe something in clinical terms so its a bit confusiing, but ive also been thinking like why do i have to exist as me, if everyone has a consciousness why is it limited to me, i feel like i fundamentally disagree with how i exist i dont want to be anything i dont want to be trapped being im honestly terrified, i dont believe im the only one and i very much so wish everyone else is here having similar thoughts not like bad thoughts or feelings but that they are occupying their own mind the same way i am but also i dont get why it has to be stuck to me experiencing i feel stuck. like not "why do i have to experience this" in a way that im describing life after being born or asking what i did to deserve this but very very very literally what serves me occupying this modeof existence. uhh a game i was playing asked it in simple words like if you split someones brain in two which side to they occupy like i guess my question is why do i have to occupy somewhere specific if everyone else is supposed to occupy it its really disturbing me ive been asking this question since i was little i dont get it i feel trapped in this head.

 

[Scythe]

Not too sure if our disconnection from the world is the same because I am extremely connected with myself. But I don't understand humans. I don't understand empathy, I don't understand why people want to die solely because they are lonely. I don't understand the difference between romance and friendship because I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I don't understand how they tolerate working at a pointless job and not want to die. I don't understand why some people would want to be more human, it just doesn't make sense to me.


I'm living in another world from most people just from the fact that I'm okay with people commiting suicide and believing society is inherently fucked up and unlivable.

I've been just telling myself it's a human thing, since I no longer consider myself fully human because of how different I am, personally I like it this way, but I also know most people hate to see themselves as something other than human. Which I do not understand. I still try to understand, but it's less a I want to understand to fit in, more I'm curious and it's philosophical to me.

 

[ChangeWaiter]

I also feel extremely different from other people and a strong disconnect to reality. Things that occupy my mind is also nothing I can share with others, and that even though I'm in a rehab surrounded by ppl with psychological problems. I'm super extremely introverted. I literally know anyone else who's that to themselves and not speaking a word. Having a conversation is huge drag to me, the very majority of the time I'm in my room on the bed with my eyes closed, cause shutting down experience of life is the only state I'm comfortable with. I personally believe I've been cursed with being in reality for a very long time while being disconnected with it.

 

[FoxSauce]

I may not know how you truly feel but I hope there's better days. Your not alone on this dude.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes totally different reality from every human