Anyone else have absolutely no friends ?

[LastLoveSong]

Like nobody, no online friends no irl friends, not even fake irl friends, literally nobody. It's hard bcuz I have no one to talk to to validate me ctb'ing. And even if I knew how to make friends there's the issue of them not really understanding my values and stuff like that, I don't wanna be friends with someone that's funny but is lowkey a complete fucking asshole, I don't know man it's hard to explain. even on here there's people like that it's not like just because someone wants to kill themselves they're immediately a higher level of intelligence being, I wish it was like that it would make things so much easier. I hate being human shit is so hard

 

[whywere]

YES. I have associates at work, but no one in my private life, as being older, so many have age discrimination, that when they find out that I am 68, they cannot run to the door fast enough.

I have an older brother and younger sister that I have not seen or heard from in decades and no one who wants to take a walk with me, too old.

Speaking of age, after I got laid off in June 2020 because of Covid, I had 2 interviews that I can remember where they told me to my face that I was too old, go figure, as age is a number no more nor less.

Lots of hugs and kind thoughts to everyone here.

Walter

 

[LapseInTime]

I'm completely cut off, no friends, no acquaintances, I only ever speak to one person.

 

[Tuonetar_]

Same here. Outside of work, I really don't talk to anyone. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have friends tbh, especially irl.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I have two online friends that I made on here but that's it. I suck at making friends overall as I never made any irl friends and I rarely made any online friends too. If I had any irl friends, I think it would actually allow me to ctb easier as I could order SN and get it delivered to their house but unfortunately my neurotype isn't such that I am able to make friends

 

[33-vertebrae]

Yep.

Stopped having any IRL friends over a decade ago.

Had a few online acquaintances here and there but I've ended up ghosting all of them for various reasons.

One reason was values and personalities constantly clashing to the point where I got fed up.

Then another person I ghosted because I got tired of writing letters to someone who was living my dream life, while I was struggling and rotting away.

For now I hang out on Typical Skeptic Podcast's live chats and Gigi Young's private forum, as the only people I can relate to anymore are the weirdos who believe in crazy shit.

 

[LastLoveSong]

Same here. Outside of work, I really don't talk to anyone. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have friends tbh, especially irl.

Yeah I've mostly forgotten what it's like too but from what I remember it was just me being stressed about keeping up the friendship the entire time, I wanna be friends with someone irl that's honestly just easy to talk to and is just a really good person overall, no bullshit they just wanna spread positivity, I don't know how to find that though

Yep.

Stopped having any IRL friends over a decade ago.

Had a few online acquaintances here and there but I've ended up ghosting all of them for various reasons.

One reason was values and personalities constantly clashing to the point where I got fed up.

Then another person I ghosted because I got tired of writing letters to someone who was living my dream life, while I was struggling and rotting away.

For now I hang out on Typical Skeptic Podcast's live chats and Gigi Young's private forum, as the only people I can relate to anymore are the weirdos who believe in crazy shit.

Oh my god I relate to the ghosting someone because they're living you're dream life so much, I'll see people on here talk about how they wanna die but they're scared their parents will be hurt and I'm like damn my parents pray every day and night that I off myself idk what the fuck you're talking about, or how they're scared their best friend or lover will be hurt of whatever, like wtf is that like??

Sending love though, humans are hardwired to need irl interaction so i relatively understand where ur coming from because I've been alone irl for years as well albeit not as long, good luck

 

[IrishBug]

I have one friend but only see him every 6 months or so. Totally my fault because a while back I just gave up on friends and family.

I'm reluctant to make friends because it seems like a pretty shitty thing to make friends then CTB. But if I can't build up the courage to CTB I'm really going to need people to support me as I have Parkinson's.

Life is damn hard.

 

[HarryCobean]

I thought I had friends, once, but it turned out I was mistaken. I still send christmas cards but I get nothing back.

 

[TheBroken]

I thought I had friends, once, but it turned out I was mistaken. I still send christmas cards but I get nothing back.

Completely relate to this one for sure.

 

[reyonrays]

Never had any real friends, the only people i would talk to outside my family were my colleagues at work, some of them were pretty nice to talk to actually.

Sometimes we would carpool, or just leave 20 minutes later, etc.

 

[Lost21]

I have never had a friend in my entire life

 

[maniac116]

Yup, I got 0 friends.
A few people who exchange hellos with but nobody to express myself or share thoughts with.
Honestly, I'm so used to it I don't think about it but if I do, I feel like a weird person

 

[whywere]

Yup, I got 0 friends.
A few people who exchange hellos with but nobody to express myself or share thoughts with.
Honestly, I'm so used to it I don't think about it but if I do, I feel like a weird person

HOWDY!

I consider you a really good friend, as folks like you are what makes this site so much like a global family and without your presence here it really would not be the same ever.

Hugs, well wishes and yes, I have a great friend in you and I hope in some small way that I am to you also.

Walter

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Yes. But by choice. People are an energy drain to me. Plus I want to fall off the radar before CTB, so that as few people as possible have to be haunted by my death.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I have no friends and I like it that way. I cut off all of my friends by grade 11 (which isn't saying a lot since I only had one person left who I considered to still be my friend by then) and I've been friendless ever since. I guess I've made a few online acquaintances before, back when I used to do explicit things for guys online, but that's about it. I honestly prefer having no friends since I find friendships to be too stressful for me. I used to always find myself paranoid about whether they were just pretending to be my friends or not and getting stressed over the idea of them eventually growing tired of me or secretly hating me and eventually abandoning me. I only have my family and bf now.

 

[offbalance]

I have friends but the friend I feel most aligned with lives in a completely different state (American here) and even we don't agree on everything. We have a very special connection but even then, to find someone I feel completely aligned with seems like a pipe dream. But who knows maybe I will find someone.

I've learned to deal with that, though. It just sucks sometimes and is pretty lonely and leads me to be insecure sometimes.

 

[PixelPlant]

I don't have friends and don't want friends. it's so overrated and exhausting. I can't even maintain friendships and relationships with anyone in general, I'm not even close with family at all. I get really tired of pretending or putting on an act all the time. I'd rather be alone than putting all my energy into somebody that would leave eventually.

 

[uglyugly]

I'm in that boat. Lost all my friends during the scamdemic - they believed and I did not, so off they went - as that was their choice. I was so sad at first, but am used to it now. Being alone, at least for me, is so peaceful. I may have a fucked up life in many ways but being alone is one thing that is going right.

 

[cryone]

I feel for you, OP. I only have acquaintances. I'm completely alone after 5 pm.

I have an older brother and younger sister that I have not seen or heard from in decades and no one who wants to take a walk with me, too old.

You're absolutely not too old! back when my grandmother was in her early 80s, still in good health, I would walk with her to the local market and buy watermelons. Clearly they're missing out, not you.

I can't imagine how much it hurts to experience age discrimination. My dad was laid off last year, although the reason was never outright stated, my family all knew it was b/c of his age. People pretend like it isn't a thing, but ageism is real.

 

[Trakehner]

I have zero friends. Not irl. Not online. Absolutely none. It's been this way for years. It didn't bother me at first but the isolation has started to take its toll on me. The loneliness intensifies with each day. I believe I've also had some cognitive decline as a result of years of social isolation. The worst part is that I have no social skills so I can't even make friends.

 

[whywere]

I feel for you, OP. I only have acquaintances. I'm completely alone after 5 pm.

You're absolutely not too old! back when my grandmother was in her early 80s, still in good health, I would walk with her to the local market and buy watermelons. Clearly they're missing out, not you.

I can't imagine how much it hurts to experience age discrimination. My dad was laid off last year, although the reason was never outright stated, my family all knew it was b/c of his age. People pretend like it isn't a thing, but ageism is real.

Thank you so much for not only the kind message but your open-minded aspect about age. Yes, I have had age discrimination even on here and it hurts like heavens, as age is a number.

You are so kind and wise, and I am so honored to have you as a good friend, thank you so much.

Have a great day!

Walter

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Yes. It sucks

 

[LastLoveSong]

I have one friend but only see him every 6 months or so. Totally my fault because a while back I just gave up on friends and family.

I'm reluctant to make friends because it seems like a pretty shitty thing to make friends then CTB. But if I can't build up the courage to CTB I'm really going to need people to support me as I have Parkinson's.

Life is damn hard.

yea thats another reason im scared to make friends not from this forum, if i just decide to leave one day they're not gonna understand wtf happened, or if i tell them that im gonna do it they're gonna try to talk me out of it, it sucks

Never had any real friends, the only people i would talk to outside my family were my colleagues at work, some of them were pretty nice to talk to actually.

Sometimes we would carpool, or just leave 20 minutes later, etc.

sounds nice, sucks that u dont have them anymore :(

I have never had a friend in my entire life

really your whole life? interesting. what were you like in school/growing up if u dont mind me asking publicly?

Yes. But by choice. People are an energy drain to me. Plus I want to fall off the radar before CTB, so that as few people as possible have to be haunted by my death.

for me its by choice too, but eventually the primal human need to interact socially (especially in person) sets in and you start to go fucking insane, so..

to be honest im already mostly off the radar though so i wouldnt have to worry about that too much

I have no friends and I like it that way. I cut off all of my friends by grade 11 (which isn't saying a lot since I only had one person left who I considered to still be my friend by then) and I've been friendless ever since. I guess I've made a few online acquaintances before, back when I used to do explicit things for guys online, but that's about it. I honestly prefer having no friends since I find friendships to be too stressful for me. I used to always find myself paranoid about whether they were just pretending to be my friends or not and getting stressed over the idea of them eventually growing tired of me or secretly hating me and eventually abandoning me. I only have my family and bf now.

how did u and your bf meet if u dont mind me asking

I don't have friends and don't want friends. it's so overrated and exhausting. I can't even maintain friendships and relationships with anyone in general, I'm not even close with family at all. I get really tired of pretending or putting on an act all the time. I'd rather be alone than putting all my energy into somebody that would leave eventually.

with a lot of my friends in my life ive tended to put on acts to make them like me as well, over the past couple years i realised that i actually needed to find friends that i could be myself around and not be exhausted at the thought of interacting with them, still looking i guess..

I have zero friends. Not irl. Not online. Absolutely none. It's been this way for years. It didn't bother me at first but the isolation has started to take its toll on me. The loneliness intensifies with each day. I believe I've also had some cognitive decline as a result of years of social isolation. The worst part is that I have no social skills so I can't even make friends.

been this way for years for me too
same with the cognitive decline as well, i feel physically dumber than i used to be i actually hate it so much, also i know that if i eventually do make friends ill have to deal with the after-effects of the life im living right now, will probably even stay with me for the rest of my life

Yes. It sucks

it does suck lets hope we get lucky and both of us get nuked soon

 

[EvisceratedJester]

how did u and your bf meet if u dont mind me asking

Online, back when I used to sext with other men. He was one of the people I used to do it with.

 

[deadzombie6]

Same situation I feel you OP

 

[lifelite]

Zero and it's really taking its toll. I don't get to do anything alone. Too scared to try anything. Even going to the gym. 15+ years just wasted doing nothing but drinking to ease sadness. And how alcohol is only making things worse, especially these last few years. Oh well, the good part is that I'm now more ready to ctb than ever before

 

[Fakefriendhate_Maxx]

YES, me too. It's actually frightening how many people are in the same situation. And I thought I was the only one... I find it very difficult to get out of there.

 

[vagabond_concerto]

Yeah. I once had a best friend who was legit the only one that knew me. But then she turned on me and acted really cruel -didn't even see it coming- and it traumatized me and I refuse to do this ever again. Otherwise I don't get close to people... I feel too stressed if someone tries to get too close to me because I'm always reminded -from my awful experience- that people's loyalty is always conditional and never a guarantee. And that it's a matter of time until I suffer at their hand, too. I often used to cancel or ghost a whole lot because I feel like my life isn't that great and i don't deserve that stuff due to the cruelty i endured.

When I see people post about their 'modest wedding' of 200+ friends & family- I'm so confused. How did you convince that many people to be loyal to you ? And I also despise seeing posts about people having big holiday parties with all their loyal friends. Like, where did you find them and how did you convince them to be so loyal like that for you? Id have been lucky back then to have 2 people agree on something. Oh well, these times are long over.

 

[frailcoffee]

Like nobody, no online friends no irl friends, not even fake irl friends, literally nobody. It's hard bcuz I have no one to talk to to validate me ctb'ing. And even if I knew how to make friends there's the issue of them not really understanding my values and stuff like that, I don't wanna be friends with someone that's funny but is lowkey a complete fucking asshole, I don't know man it's hard to explain. even on here there's people like that it's not like just because someone wants to kill themselves they're immediately a higher level of intelligence being, I wish it was like that it would make things so much easier. I hate being human shit is so hard

I have none at all. I talk to a few people online but not much where we have anything going on. My old childhood friend has moved on from me but that is a different story. I've tried so hard so many times but fail miserably because of how bad my stutter and anxiety is. I genuinely cannot talk to people because when I try my body goes into flight mode and I get all kinds of sick. I threw up one time trying to talk to someone over the phone. That is how bad it is. I