deadprincess
Member
- Aug 21, 2018
- 34
i have a lot of reasons to be depressed. i'm impoverished, marginalized in multiple ways, being abused, traumatized, etc. i feel like if i had safe, stable housing i wouldn't be so depressed. instead of affordable housing being something i'm able to get i'm given pill after pill. i've been on over 10 meds for my depression. i take 6 psych meds per day. i keep throwing different chemicals at myself hoping that i can function enough to work and be able to afford to move out of my bad living situation. the worst thing isn't crying myself to sleep but rlly crying as soon as i wake up and i realize how horrific my life is. i can't function like this. i can barely eat or shower. i haven't in days. all i do is sleep and cry and post about how much i want to die. i have no purpose in life or reason to live (besides wanting to not upset my friends, but that will only get me so far).
one of my friends said this was just a rough patch and i should hold on. my whole life feels like a rough patch. what's the point? the good times just aren't worth all this pain.
anyway, 1 of my last ditch efforts to fix my life is going to be asking my psych for ECT because i'm that desperate. i brought it up and was told it would be 1k per treatment. i figure some medical debt doesn't matter if i'm going to kill myself anyway bc nothing else is working. i'd gladly deal with debt over this hell right now. my brain feels broken. i'm hoping i don't need to pay up front for ECT because i have no insurance lol.... so idk a lot about it, but i am kind of assuming i won't be able to get this treatment anyway so.. i should think of something else.
i'm thinking of trying ketamine next. not sure. my friend has had ketamine infusions done, but i can't get that done professionally so i'm thinking of doing the DIY version lol.
i'm just so frustrated being 23 years old and STILL being in the same position i was in when i dropped out of high school at 16 because of my depression. it's horrible.
one of my friends said this was just a rough patch and i should hold on. my whole life feels like a rough patch. what's the point? the good times just aren't worth all this pain.
anyway, 1 of my last ditch efforts to fix my life is going to be asking my psych for ECT because i'm that desperate. i brought it up and was told it would be 1k per treatment. i figure some medical debt doesn't matter if i'm going to kill myself anyway bc nothing else is working. i'd gladly deal with debt over this hell right now. my brain feels broken. i'm hoping i don't need to pay up front for ECT because i have no insurance lol.... so idk a lot about it, but i am kind of assuming i won't be able to get this treatment anyway so.. i should think of something else.
i'm thinking of trying ketamine next. not sure. my friend has had ketamine infusions done, but i can't get that done professionally so i'm thinking of doing the DIY version lol.
i'm just so frustrated being 23 years old and STILL being in the same position i was in when i dropped out of high school at 16 because of my depression. it's horrible.
