Anyone else here that's widowed?

[Broken Widow]

Doesn't matter if you were officially married or not, just in a serious relationship with someone who then died.

I am. This shit has me fucked up for life. Part of me died with him, I wish all of me had. I wish I could just die of a broken heart like old people do. I fucking miss him, he was the only person in my life that understood me.

He died of cancer. I wish I could trade places with him, or gone with him.

 

[lv-gras]

yes, sympathies for your loss

 

[Jane Doe]

Me. Husband ctb in January. Pretty much done with this existence.

Sorry for your loss @Broken Widow @lv-gras

 

[Hanger]

yes I´m something like that. My big love hanged herself (she was serious ill) when I was 20. Sortly after this I also tried to hang myself but failed.. She asked me if I wanted to hang with her, but I was too afraid. I wish I would have done that

 

[Widowmom]

Yes. My husband died coming up on 14 years ago next month. Our wedding anniversary would have been next week... This time of the year just sucks for me. For many years I kept his last bottle of super-user-strength oxycontin (he also died from cancer) - hoping I could figure out who could raise our son..but with ups and downs finally got past the worst of the depression. Only here I am again. My son is now 16.5. I'm in an ok marriage, but I just miss my first husband with all my heart. I am frustrated with the world around me and am trying to figure out how damaged my son would be if I left now. I'd like to leave in a way that would not raise suspicion, so he would be ok, and potentially live a life much happier than mine. I see/read all the posts about suicide prevention, but for the love of God, I've been in this delusional state of missing him for so long...no amount of yoga, self-reflection, drugs has gotten me past this pull to just be with him again. I don't want help, I just want to stop feeling this way and take my chances that he's somewhere waiting for me.
I am really sorry for your loss, it's a surreal situation to be in at any age.