anyone else in limbo?

[5karlet]

i'd say i'm not completely depressed anymore but it hasn't entirely went away. i'm not necessarily suicidal but man would dying be pretty nice too. it's not like i'm actively seeking it out. but the more i live the worse and worse my mental gets. i don't feel like hanging out with anyone i don't feel like doing anything i just wanna be rich and have a bunch of drugs to my disposal. but damn i have to actually like work for that and that seems like a lot of work which i AM NOT down for.

 

[sadalways]

Pretty much same here, don't really wanna do anything just wanna find a lot of money out of nowhere and spend it on whatever. Having a job is not for me either which just drags me deeper down the hole.

 

[r.vival]

i'd say i'm not completely depressed anymore but it hasn't entirely went away. i'm not necessarily suicidal but man would dying be pretty nice too. it's not like i'm actively seeking it out. but the more i live the worse and worse my mental gets. i don't feel like hanging out with anyone i don't feel like doing anything i just wanna be rich and have a bunch of drugs to my disposal. but damn i have to actually like work for that and that seems like a lot of work which i AM NOT down for.

literally me. i keep pushing but man i'm tired

 

[resurgence]

ur the perc dude. i was seeing so much of me when i was like 14-19 in your older posts

on topic though, i really relate to what you said up there. you arent alone in feeling the way you do
i just wanna like do drugs and play video games in my own lil bubble where im safe and nothing can trigger me and no one can hurt me for the rest of my life. zero ambition towards anything.

i think my mindset towards getting help is kinda fucked. i have been like this for so long that i would need years of therapy, but before that i have to actually WANT to change. and i dont, bc idgaf about me.

 

[Hollowman]

Yes. For years, it's hell.

 

[Languish]

"The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering that you cannot escape. And in that fear, there is a desperation, a longing for something, anything, to break the monotony, to bring meaning to the endless repetition of days."

 

[5karlet]

Pretty much same here, don't really wanna do anything just wanna find a lot of money out of nowhere and spend it on whatever. Having a job is not for me either which just drags me deeper down the hole.

i feel the same way. i thought having a job and making money would make me happier but it literally did the opposite

ur the perc dude. i was seeing so much of me when i was like 14-19 in your older posts

on topic though, i really relate to what you said up there. you arent alone in feeling the way you do
i just wanna like do drugs and play video games in my own lil bubble where im safe and nothing can trigger me and no one can hurt me for the rest of my life. zero ambition towards anything.

i think my mindset towards getting help is kinda fucked. i have been like this for so long that i would need years of therapy, but before that i have to actually WANT to change. and i dont, bc idgaf about me.

calling me "the perc dude" actually had me genuinely laughing and on what you said i wonder what it feels like being completely "normal" like no suicidal thoughts no nothing but at the same time it feels peaceful being sad even though that literally as backwards as it gets. and after almost killing myself my mental hasn't been the same. its hard for me to care about stuff. like most of what i would call my best friends stopped talking to me but its whatever honestly

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Yes. For years, it's hell.

We'll make it out eventually. Eventually.

 

[resurgence]

i feel the same way. i thought having a job and making money would make me happier but it literally did the opposite

calling me "the perc dude" actually had me genuinely laughing and on what you said i wonder what it feels like being completely "normal" like no suicidal thoughts no nothing but at the same time it feels peaceful being sad even though that literally as backwards as it gets. and after almost killing myself my mental hasn't been the same. its hard for me to care about stuff. like most of what i would call my best friends stopped talking to me but its whatever honestly

HAHA im glad i could make you laugh!! i note people like that. i forgot one of my discord friends (for like 2 years) name and i mentally note him as "silly muscle dude"

right? i do wonder what it feels like to be normal.
i remember you saying they were pulling away after they found out about the pills, did the whole almost killing ys thing make it worse?
thats shitty af tho, you'd think if they are ppl you call your bestfriends they'd be at least checking up on you and tryna include you in things cuz they know u arent good
i hate it the feeling of it being hard to care about stuff sometimes and i love it other times. when i love it, its because its protecting me. when i hate it, its because i feel so different and other than what i should be feeling, and it makes me feel weird and wrong, like im some robot or something

 

[5karlet]

HAHA im glad i could make you laugh!! i note people like that. i forgot one of my discord friends (for like 2 years) name and i mentally note him as "silly muscle dude"

right? i do wonder what it feels like to be normal.
i remember you saying they were pulling away after they found out about the pills, did the whole almost killing ys thing make it worse?
thats shitty af tho, you'd think if they are ppl you call your bestfriends they'd be at least checking up on you and tryna include you in things cuz they know u arent good
i hate it the feeling of it being hard to care about stuff sometimes and i love it other times. when i love it, its because its protecting me. when i hate it, its because i feel so different and other than what i should be feeling, and it makes me feel weird and wrong, like im some robot or something

the "attempt" was like 2-3 years ago. but yeah you'd think they'd try to communicate but i tried to play xbox with one and he just said "get your shit together" and i havent talked to him since. it's been weeks. and its VERY ironic coming from him in particular. but when it comes to not caring it is kinda a double edged sword. it's nice when i can just brush things off as whatever but i never can tell if someone is being serious or if someone is taking something TOO serious

 

[resurgence]

the "attempt" was like 2-3 years ago. but yeah you'd think they'd try to communicate but i tried to play xbox with one and he just said "get your shit together" and i havent talked to him since. it's been weeks. and its VERY ironic coming from him in particular. but when it comes to not caring it is kinda a double edged sword. it's nice when i can just brush things off as whatever but i never can tell if someone is being serious or if someone is taking something TOO serious

man its not even like you went to tell him your every problem ever you just wanted to game with ur bro and u get "get your shit together" thats crazy work

 

[5karlet]

man its not even like you went to tell him your every problem ever you just wanted to game with ur bro and u get "get your shit together" thats crazy work

i'm saying right. but if he wants to sit there and play lame ass marvel rivals all day go ahead. he prolly just projecting tbh he ain't done shit in like 5-6 years

 

[Gamelle]

I'm not in agony, but I simply don't enjoy life. I did not get the life I want. I'm haunted by my mistakes. In my mind, since I can't undo them, the only way out is to die.

I wouldn't say I'm in "limbo." I do want to commit suicide, but I have to stay alive as long as my mother is alive. She's aging and I'm the only child capable of caring for her once she's no longer independent. If she wasn't living, or I had siblings that I knew would care for her, I'd have done it years ago.

 

[cme-dme]

Been living the same day for ~6 months now. I have no working car so I'm stuck at home. I go to work on the same days every week. I live in a small town where nothing ever changes. Nowhere to go out here. When I'm not at work I'm at home on my laptop. Same day in a never ending loop.

 

[sorrymyfault]

i'd say i'm not completely depressed anymore but it hasn't entirely went away. i'm not necessarily suicidal but man would dying be pretty nice too. it's not like i'm actively seeking it out. but the more i live the worse and worse my mental gets. i don't feel like hanging out with anyone i don't feel like doing anything i just wanna be rich and have a bunch of drugs to my disposal. but damn i have to actually like work for that and that seems like a lot of work which i AM NOT down for.

My identity has been stripped to pieces, nobody likes me, nobody will ever like me, I just want a good kilo of cocaine to die with, I don't even want to die, I want to be so high I can't perceive myself, I want to not feel like me, I want to be someone else so much that I'm willing to die for it

 

[Timelapse]

I actually have this recurring thought that I succeeded in CTBing in 2011 and that ive been in limbo ever since. Anything I try to ctb doesnt work... Ive choked on my own vomit for 2 days and got pneumonia.. still here... in this hell... with people who say they love you and are always here for you but are never actually around... I havent seen anyone other than my brother for groceries since before new years..... now I just troll crisis centers from loneliness.... they are screening me now and dont answer anymore unless I hide my IP.

the idea is that im pissed... pissed at agents with their empty platitude rhetoric, pissed at cops for treating me like a criminal when they come for me (one cop just yelled "C TPL CA embarque moi ca vite jai dautre chose a faire" like i know im a joke at this point... to many here too... or maybe im just projecting... either way im sick of "crying wolf" and would like to exit stage left please. but im so weak

I too want to be rich and in a cave with tech. cams. turrets.. the works

 

[2minutes2ctb]

i'd say i'm not completely depressed anymore but it hasn't entirely went away. i'm not necessarily suicidal but man would dying be pretty nice too. it's not like i'm actively seeking it out. but the more i live the worse and worse my mental gets. i don't feel like hanging out with anyone i don't feel like doing anything i just wanna be rich and have a bunch of drugs to my disposal. but damn i have to actually like work for that and that seems like a lot of work which i AM NOT down for.

Suicide ideation ? I discovered the term recently, didn't know it was a thing but this is exactly what I've been experiencing for quite some time now.

I'm not in agony, but I simply don't enjoy life. I did not get the life I want. I'm haunted by my mistakes. In my mind, since I can't undo them, the only way out is to die.

I wouldn't say I'm in "limbo." I do want to commit suicide, but I have to stay alive as long as my mother is alive. She's aging and I'm the only child capable of caring for her once she's no longer independent. If she wasn't living, or I had siblings that I knew would care for her, I'd have done it years ago.

Same feeling. Being haunted by your own mistakes is a terrible thing to live with and that makes the idea of ctb more realistic than ever.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I don't hope for a single dime. I actually hope my current financial situation keeps death spiraling. Any kind of windfall would only be a temporary, artificial happiness.

In the end, no amount of money can chase away all the demons that we have accumulated thus far in our lives.

 

[WhiskeySolstice]

"The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering that you cannot escape. And in that fear, there is a desperation, a longing for something, anything, to break the monotony, to bring meaning to the endless repetition of days."

Owie! Painfully spot-on!! I thank you for this though, it expressed my feelings more eloquently than I can