Anyone else suicidal because they got dealt a shit hand in life

[deathproof17]

Like for me.

I'm short (5'7ish male)
Below average face ( look like an ogre)
Small frame (extremely narrow shoulders) (still look mediocre even after years of killing myself in the gym and doing a steroid cycle)
Low IQ (82 on IQ test, even working low skill minimum wage jobs coworkers have called me slow, stupid and retarded to my face)
Bad teeth (Chronic Pain, crooked, prone to cavities and infection)

No good role models or guidance growing up. My parents are schizophrenic and bipolar druggies. Mom raised me poorly. She was too crazy to know any better and nobody ever held her accountable.

Kids in school bullied and treated me badly for being ugly, shy and short. Even teachers and adults treat me badly any never take me seriously. Lots of trauma, bitterness and severe depression because people treat me like shit. Depression causes me to isolate myself and use excessive video games as escapism. As a result develop poor social skills , which causes people to treat me even worse.

Never had GF or any long term friends. Regularly pay hookers for sex and companionship. Chronic loneliness

Doctors and family members think giving me some pills and faking a good attitude will magically fix all my issues. They don't understand.

 

[pariah80]

I'm right there with you. I got dealt a pretty bad hand in life. I played it the best I could. I'm tired of the game now. I empathize with you on many levels. I was bullied in school as well. Had no good role models. Plus, a very toxic, abusive mother. So, all I can do is feel what you feel and send hugs your way.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I got dealt a bad hand in life because I'm autistic and it impacts me a lot. I worry that I may go homeless soon due to it as I just don't see me being able to conform to society as I don't have the skills for it. Nobody in my life is able to understand that this severely impacts me as they all think that I'm normal. I'm also ugly and got bullied a lot in childhood for my appearance but I gave up trying to make irl friends and acquaintances. I have yet to make a single irl friend and I never will tbh. I'm just not meant for friendships or rather life itself

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Born male when i wanted to be cis female.

Born male with a micropenis.

Awkward af so dating is very likely out of the question.

The deck never had any promising draws for me. Time to fold.

 

[Tac0Johnz]

Yeah, generational trauma, debilitating ocd and social anxiety (so bad I can't even go in chat rooms or servers or talk to my family without a hit or a drink or I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable) substance and alcohol addiction that has followed me since my early teens, nonstop regret and replaying the past, and overall feeling like a failure, tbh I was always suicidal as a kid, I'd fantasize about wanting to sleep and never wake up.

 

[Goosechan]

It's unreal how much things like health conditions, disorders, social economic status of family of origin, genetics or being part of some minority group can impact peoples ability to take control over their life. Sure, some problems have solutions. But what good are those solutions if they are not (fully) accesible to you?
Just today a news article was published in my country that found that poorer people have a lesser chance to survive cancer. Just because they are not wealthy, they already have access to so much less resources to deal with adverse life events. Even is healthcare treatment is the same, the outcome will often be different. Imagine how similar it must be if you happened ti gain one or more of the impacting factors and were dealt one or more adverse life events. It's unfair. It's cruel.

On the personal side, today my psychiatrist told me my desire to commit suicide was not born out of mental illness, but rather the result of living in to me unbearable circumstances. It felt validating but also deeply sad to hear that.

 

[PI3.14]

Yes. I'm 5'5 guy. It's an understatement to say that this has destroyed my life.

This whole show of depression started when I realized I stopped growing at 18. Led me to drop out of college as I was very depressed.

Tried to get back to college multiple times but failed all the time. It made me a passive suicidal person.

I'm now almost 27 and in college again. This wouldn't all have happened if it wasn't for my body dysmorphia. I keep delaying my CTB but I'm dead sure I'll do it within a year.

 

[Grim days]

Honestly, I think part of it is how regimented our early lives are, and how indifferent or even malicious most teachers are (you spend way more time with them than your own family). Once you've fall behind, even a little, you get pigeonholed as a loser, and the gap only widens.

Parents wanted to forget I existed, everyone could see they resented me. Not an unplanned baby, just a doomed marriage. Most of my childhood was being expected to be invisible, which went down with other kids & teachers exactly how you'd expect.

Everything with my family is transactional & cold, family duty and keeping up appearances where I'm involved.

Long list of health issues. Everyone, including dr's say it's all in my head and mock me till something nearly kills me.

That's just the start, but I've ranted too much as is. But from everything I'm seeing childhood trauma like mine and others in this thread seems to be the norm here, unsurprisingly.

 

[afternoontea]

Honestly, no. I grew up comfortable and my parents are loving and accepting for the most part. I had some bad moments of anxiety in high school, but it's like as soon as I became an adult my brain decided that it just wasn't ready for that and I got severely depressed. I don't even know why I am the way I am. My mom told me that she had depression as well so maybe its genetic.

At any point I could just pick myself up by my bootstraps and try at being an adult again but whenever I've done that I couldn't last more than half a year before I lost motivation to try.

I feel for anyone who's circumstances led them to suicidal ideation. Nobody deserves that, and it's a fucking shame that we live in a world where so many people are forced to feel that way

 

[deathproof17]

It's unreal how much things like health conditions, disorders, social economic status of family of origin, genetics or being part of some minority group can impact peoples ability to take control over their life. Sure, some problems have solutions. But what good are those solutions if they are not (fully) accesible to you?
Just today a news article was published in my country that found that poorer people have a lesser chance to survive cancer. Just because they are not wealthy, they already have access to so much less resources to deal with adverse life events. Even is healthcare treatment is the same, the outcome will often be different. Imagine how similar it must be if you happened ti gain one or more of the impacting factors and were dealt one or more adverse life events. It's unfair. It's cruel.

On the personal side, today my psychiatrist told me my desire to commit suicide was not born out of mental illness, but rather the result of living in to me unbearable circumstances. It felt validating but also deeply sad to hear that.

I've done everything in my power to play the shitty cards i've been delt. Working out, grooming, improving social skills. Trying to get educated. Working multiple jobs simultaneously to stack cash. All it did was make me chronically exhausted and miserable. I was still below average even doing all of this. Some people just weren't meant to do well in life.

 

[Lo$t95]

Got lucky with btc and still despite not having to worry about money I got worse and just indulged in hedonism until even that got exhausting. My brain just doesn't produce anything naturally it's always outside substances that make me feel something.

I don't care if there is nothing after suicide I just don't want to be a part of this world. No sense of purpose and just want to go to sleep forever.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

Got lucky with btc and still despite not having to worry about money I got worse and just indulged in hedonism until even that got exhausting. My brain just doesn't produce anything naturally it's always outside substances that make me feel something.

I don't care if there is nothing after suicide I just don't want to be a part of this world. No sense of purpose and just want to go to sleep forever.

same for the crypto part, I also partied too much and have fried my brain.

I relate with OP regarding being bullied, average looks, I used the money I made from crypto to have multiple surgeries and I have ended up with a botched body (worse than before), I feel even more insecure.

Plus I'm not hopeful for the future of humanity. I believe AI is going to cause extinction level events by 2050, so even if I wanted to recover, there's no point. I really hope there is nothing after we die.

 

[BlockHammer]

Man im really sorry for you, well for me, i do have my own reason to ctb but i've never get overwhealm with shitty condition like you do, for me i never had any financial independency and also didn't have decent job yet no matter how much i applied to company. Im amazed that you still had a will to live despite all of your disadvantage, well but if you trying to ctb, i can't blame you m8 i just hope that you find peace