Anyone Else Think Suicide Notes Are BS?

[E.T]

Hear me out.

I understand their inherent value if you have people who will blame themselves when they do not deserve to; people who genuinely did their best to help. I understand the appeal of a cathartic note; venting and finally getting your emotions out. And in no way would I judge someone for choosing to write one.

But what if you're tired of your feelings falling on deaf ears?

I think the very fact that the only time my emotions will be taken most seriously is when I'm no longer around is enough of an explanation for why I am not…

It just feels so paradoxical discussing my emotions now.

I've been pondering suicide for years. Regurgitating my story to stone cold GPs, therapists, counsellors and "friends" for years.

Why do I now have to do that all over again before I die when nobody cared while I was standing?

While my lungs still carried air and my heart was still beating?

Would it be fucked up to list all the things you're sick of? To name the people who largely contributed to your suffering? I think that's being honest at least. I believe people's truths need to at least be written down in that sense.

But ultimately I care and don't want anyone to blame themselves, so yes I'll be forcing myself to be false in death just as I've been forced to live my life for everyone else's sake.

I still think it's complete bullshit though.

If you cannot be honest in death, then when can you be?

 

[TraurigerClown]

Noble thougts and you´re strong if you´re able to still write a letter even when you know thats totally bs and comfort those who stay behind.
I envy you for that, cuz im not able to, im happy to finally get rid of that mask and now that my final day is on the horizon i dont give a fuck about others....!
I mean im staying "happy me" but thats it, no note, no apology or anything when im going

 

[E.T]

Noble thougts and you´re strong if you´re able to still write a letter even when you know thats totally bs and comfort those who stay behind.
I envy you for that, cuz im not able to, im happy to finally get rid of that mask and now that my final day is on the horizon i dont give a fuck about others....!
I mean im staying "happy me" but thats it, no note, no apology or anything when im going

Oh trust me, I'm still fighting the urge to just dip out.

My heart says "nah, fuck them, they don't care anyway".

I have actively told family members that I do not want them at my funeral, and that I don't want a funeral full stop.

I regret some things I've said to them though and it could make them feel bad so my head says I need to write notes for their sakes.

My suffering will be over at least. They're the ones who'll still have to put up with this shit.

I just wish I could write "You got my note. You see my body. The fact you are reading this whilst I am laying dead but could not listen when I was breathing is all the explanation you need, and the only one I am able to provide."

Hats off to you for being able to be true to yourself. You're also being honest with everyone else and I cannot judge you for that.

I wouldn't dare want or ask someone to lie to me when they're planning on dying.

But hey, we live in a sick world.

 

[Unspoken7612]

You'll have to judge for yourself if you want to write one and what you want to put in them. You know your circumstances better than I do and can weigh up the value of the catharsis versus the impact it will have. Don't feel obliged to lie, but that doesn't mean you need to tell the whole truth, which would be impossible anyway.

I would recommend leaving a note that makes it unambiguous that you have committed suicide, so that nobody thinks it was murder or an accident. But even that's optional really.

 

[E.T]

You'll have to judge for yourself if you want to write one and what you want to put in them. You know your circumstances better than I do and can weigh up the value of the catharsis versus the impact it will have. Don't feel obliged to lie, but that doesn't mean you need to tell the whole truth, which would be impossible anyway.

I would recommend leaving a note that makes it unambiguous that you have committed suicide, so that nobody thinks it was murder or an accident. But even that's optional really.

Yeah. Thank you for this.

You're right, sadly it is not possible to share to whole truth. If only the Pensieve from Harry Potter were a real thing. It'd be perfect for this situation.

I'll definitely use my note to clear up any ambiguity. I had always planned on doing that at the very least.

My note will be for others. My suicide will be for me.

 

[endofline2010]

They aren't bs when used to thank someone who was important for being a part of your life.
They also aren't bs when used to comfort someone who is going to take the loss hard.
In the end, letters are there to make you feel better about your decision. Use them that way, and don't write one if you don't want to.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I see a suicide note as a way to let somebody know that you're dead which is useful in some cases such as if somebody were to randomly run away from home one day to ctb. Letting them know that you're gone is a way to give them closure as otherwise they'll just assume that you're alive. Using a suicide note to get them to understand your situation is futile as they'll never understand even if you were to be super logical and realistic. I have often said that I don't want to write any suicide notes for my family as they'll never understand me anyway but I think I should leave some sort of way to give closure. I'm not fully sure how to do that though yet but I'm thinking of something along the lines of writing it in my laptop and hiding the laptop in my room along with the password

 

[FireFox]

No not at all

When people kill themselves family and friends often ask "why" their loved one chose this path and have to live with the torment of never having the answers to why their loved one felt they couldn't stay anymore.

Suicide notes help provide clarity and answer the question of why ?

I am going to write a suicide note too when I kill myself in my 30s. I will tell my family it wasn't thier fault and life was never for me. Some human beings weren't made for living and I am one of them.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

I respectfully disagree, I want people to have some sort of closure and understanding as to why I did it. I don't want people to assume stuff and then add stigma to people who KTS.

 

[E.T]

They aren't bs when used to thank someone who was important for being a part of your life.
They also aren't bs when used to comfort someone who is going to take the loss hard.
In the end, letters are there to make you feel better about your decision. Use them that way, and don't write one if you don't want to.

No, I figured that goes without saying.

I'm in favour of them to comfort those who will be mourning.

But in my experience, and the experience of others, they're bullshit. Mostly if we have nobody that truly cares about us.

I see a suicide note as a way to let somebody know that you're dead which is useful in some cases such as if somebody were to randomly run away from home one day to ctb. Letting them know that you're gone is a way to give them closure as otherwise they'll just assume that you're alive. Using a suicide note to get them to understand your situation is futile as they'll never understand even if you were to be super logical and realistic. I have often said that I don't want to write any suicide notes for my family as they'll never understand me anyway but I think I should leave some sort of way to give closure. I'm not fully sure how to do that though yet but I'm thinking of something along the lines of writing it in my laptop and hiding the laptop in my room along with the password

Yeah I'm in favour of them for those reasons, especially for closure.

But in my experience, my family have not sought to understand me or help me properly. So it just feels exhausting. I'd rather not have to lie about how I feel.

I still don't know how I'll store the notes. I'm thinking digitally, along the same lines as you.

I hope you find peace.

 

[candy578]

I agree they are BS, but for me, that is due to my perspective on death. Personally, I think that once we die, there is nothing more, just the end. Therefore, I don't care too much for a note, because in my opinion, the second I stop breathing, everything about me ends, so I don't see the need to explain something if I will no longer be around.

I do get that they could be useful for the intention of comforting other people or providing an explanation, but I can never bring myself to care enough to want to leave a note.

 

[Pryras]

My mother is a narcissist and will do whatever she wants even if I left a note expressing my wishes. I will still leave a note regardless even if it falls on deaf ears but knowing my mother, she's going to blame who she wants to blame.

 

[OnlyOneSolution]

think the very fact that the only time my emotions will be taken most seriously is when I'm no longer around is enough of an explanation for why I am not…

It just feels so paradoxical discussing my emotions now.

...I still think it's complete bullshit though.

If you cannot be honest in death, then when can you be?

Think about the person on death row .. just before they place the bag over his head, they ask if he has any last words.

Is that for him, for his victims, or for his survivors? Accounts show a range of expression from sorrow to pleas for forgiveness to rants of anger and even eloquent expressions of philosophical angst. Some simply say nothing.

While their death is sanctioned because of a crime, ours is no less of a death penalty imposed by ourselves (or one could argue, imposed by society, circumstances, or our families/friends).

In my failed attempts (OD) I never left a note (except the plea sprawled across my chest on the first one, "Don't save me, I want to die", if that counts.)

I think a note is more a personal expression serving as a punctuation mark on a person's life. So, like the people on the Row, each of us will, regardless of what is planned now, sprawl our last sentiments (or not), based upon where our head and emotions are at that moment when we believe/hope we are in our final moments of this suffering existence.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I don't know. I think it really depends on why it's being written. A note whose goal is to make the reader feel a little better or not blame themselves is going to be very different than one that shares all the problems of the writer.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I think it's probably worth the effort if you can manage it, seeing as it can help ease the pain of loved ones, even if they may never fully understand the decision. However, it's understandable if you can't write one due to lacking the mental or emotional wherewithal.

I'll try to leave one, but I'm not sure I'll be able to write one to my satisfaction; so, I may have to scrap it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think just to ascertain that it was suicide and no one assisted is a good thing to begin with. Just from a legal standpoint.

After that though, words probably won't do enough to really describe why, to people who haven't experienced ideation themselves. But then, that's assuming they even care enough to even want to know the intricacies. Like you say, I'm not sure they do!

Probably depends who's left in your life to care. I hope to go after they've gone themselves personally. The people who will be left in my life I doubt will be too fussed to know the intricacies. Or, they know me well enough to already know them to an extent.

I intend to leave notes but, keep them short. In summary- This wasn't impulsive. This is something I wanted since childhood. Life really wasn't for me basically but, I held on as long as I could so that it wouldn't upset others. No one could have helped or prevented it. I'm grateful for the things people did do for me. I don't want them to feel sad. I know I can't dictate how they feel but, I hated the idea of hurting people. I want them to feel relieved that I'm released.

I don't see why it needs to be that in depth if you don't want it to be.

 

[pilotviolin]

a little bit similar to forever sleep, i dont really want to leave a cathartic note for the purpose that i cant fight against grief and perspectives that would never be able to read my mind or feel how i felt or experienced what i experienced. not that i feel i am an out of the ordinary tragedy at all but they cant understand me the way i cant understand them. i would like to put useful things and a short but not overly complicated and open to interpretation text that loved ones are not at fault and there is not much else to investigate. i feel like the more i write the more someone would drive themselves crazy figuring out why and fussing on the wrong things and causing unnecessary trouble and conflict, or twist it to be about them or another person personally causing it when thats not true.