Anyone else used to believe they were a pedophile as a child?

[Ariii]

I am over this belief now, have been for years, but from ages 11-13, I fully believed I was a pedophile. I couldn't even stomach looking at a toddler/baby. I made a pact with myself that if I ever wanted to actually harm a child, I would kill myself first. The thing is, I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone significantly younger than me, and I don't even feel sexual attraction in the traditional sense that I want to explicitly have sex with them.

I don't know how it happened, especially considering how young I was. My best guess is being allowed unrestricted internet access at around 10, which resulted in me reading up on a lot of stories about rape, murder, etc, and that somehow worming its way into my psyche. And it being a strange manifestation of the intense amounts of guilt I felt at that age for existing. I'm wondering if I'm the only one? And did anyone else, like me, just grow out of it?

 

[ChaiTea]

yeah actually, i get what you mean. mine wasn't half as strong as what yours seems to be, but you're not alone.

i wish i could remember specific things but ive heard this kind of thing before. you're not a monster, you're probably just coping

 

[ForestGhost]

It's definitely not an uncommon thing to have intrusive thoughts like that, especially for people with OCD and similar conditions. I used to have obsessive thoughts about sending pictures of myself to predators when I was around that age.