Venting Anyone have BPD?

[alexithymia]

Shrink told me today that it "sounds like" BPD. The chronic emptiness and suicidal ideation, fears of abandonment, extreme emotions, etc.

I've been doing DBT for a while and it hasn't helped. I'm not willing to use the skills I've learned. Stuck in purgatory between existing and ceasing to exist.

 

[Sadwind]

I have NPD and that sounds a lot like what I have going on. I know it is bad. I just want everything to be ok. The controlling part of me wants to be normal, so badly. I can't even reason with myself.

Personality disorders are a very difficult challenge. I hope the best for you.

 

[alexithymia]

I have NPD and that sounds a lot like what I have going on. I know it is bad. I just want everything to be ok. The controlling part of me wants to be normal, so badly. I can't even reason with myself.

Personality disorders are a very difficult challenge. I hope the best for you.

Do you think your NPD contributes heavily to wanting to ctb?

 

[Sadwind]

It absolutely does. I cannot accept my status in life or the fact that I'm ordinary. I'm one of the freaky ones. I just can't reason with myself, I think I'm owed everything. Deep down I hate myself, and I can never find my real feelings or identity. I am low functioning and I will never be able to be a fully actualized person. I was raised by narcissists and sexually abused by the women in my family (it must be in the genes). Anyway, yes, I hope that you know, though that it is possible to recover. If you're not experiencing delusions or psychosis (I am) then getting better is absolutely possible. Honestly I'd give anything to be anyone else right now. Nothing about me works. I am a perpetually falling house of cards.

 

[alexithymia]

What you've written really resonates with me. I feel very similar to how you describe. I am sorry about the pain and suffering you experience. It fucking sucks. Being low-functioning and unable to be wholly human is an unbearable feeling. Not to mention your upbringing. I'm sorry the people who were supposed to protect and nurture you failed you and hurt you.

I also had a brief psychotic break this past summer. It made me feel like my brain was broken. A "perpetual falling house of cards" is a wonderful, awful way to describe it.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I have NPD and that sounds a lot like what I have going on. I know it is bad. I just want everything to be ok. The controlling part of me wants to be normal, so badly. I can't even reason with myself.

Personality disorders are a very difficult challenge. I hope the best for you.

You have NPD? How did you ever manage to get the diagnosis? I heard that most ppl with that never get that far......

 

[Tristan Reeveur]

No

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

The fact that the last respondent has an Edward munch painting as an avatar.....greatly tickles me.

Alexithymia in sorry, sorry dbt isn't working, and you feel broken.. *hugs*

 

[woxihuanni]

It absolutely does. I cannot accept my status in life or the fact that I'm ordinary. I'm one of the freaky ones. I just can't reason with myself, I think I'm owed everything. Deep down I hate myself, and I can never find my real feelings or identity. I am low functioning and I will never be able to be a fully actualized person. I was raised by narcissists and sexually abused by the women in my family (it must be in the genes). Anyway, yes, I hope that you know, though that it is possible to recover. If you're not experiencing delusions or psychosis (I am) then getting better is absolutely possible. Honestly I'd give anything to be anyone else right now. Nothing about me works. I am a perpetually falling house of cards.

Your self expression works wonderfully.

 

[Whatever123]

I have BPD, and various medications and therapists have not worked for me. It's all so draining.

 

[alexithymia]

I have BPD, and various medications and therapists have not worked for me. It's all so draining.

It is, isn't it? I wish I functioned like a normal human. The chronic emptiness is probably the worst of the symptoms for me personally.

 

[Whatever123]

Yeah, that's a big one for me. Probably that and the mood swings.

 

[Sadwind]

You have NPD? How did you ever manage to get the diagnosis? I heard that most ppl with that never get that far......

I don't know. I pointed it out and the doctor agreed. I've sort of always known. Dunno.

 

[Chantal]

It absolutely does. I cannot accept my status in life or the fact that I'm ordinary. I'm one of the freaky ones. I just can't reason with myself, I think I'm owed everything. Deep down I hate myself, and I can never find my real feelings or identity. I am low functioning and I will never be able to be a fully actualized person. I was raised by narcissists and sexually abused by the women in my family (it must be in the genes). Anyway, yes, I hope that you know, though that it is possible to recover. If you're not experiencing delusions or psychosis (I am) then getting better is absolutely possible. Honestly I'd give anything to be anyone else right now. Nothing about me works. I am a perpetually falling house of cards.

I'm exactly like that. I don't remember being sexually abused, but I was physically abused systematically until I had the strength to stand up to my abuser - my father. My mother pretended that nothing was happening. He could beat me all the way, until blood came out, and she did nothing. Not for lack of love, but because she grew up with a violent father and a submissive mother as well and believed it was normal.