Dromides
Member
- Oct 24, 2019
- 15
Hi there, I mostly lurk on here from time to time but I guess I reached a point where I finally want to post something about myself.
While I prefer to ctb I will try therapy first.
If interested you can read a bit about my situation (it is nothing bad, just a bunch of bad decisions and my bad personality)
I slipped into an existential crisis two years ago which is probably still going on. I had an internship and couldn't withstand the boredom so I went stoned to the workplace. Luckily it was something semi-creative so it didn't really bother the higher ups (I guess they didn't even care about us as long as we finished our tasks). After finishing my internship I reflected on my behavior and realized a lot of flaws in my personality. Being all alone since my first semester didn't really help me. After a lecture on the current demographics in my country and our professor telling us that we will have extreme difficulties finding a stable job after graduation the crisis began. Of course this wasn't the primary trigger. I already quit my last study subject in a rush and didn't even say goodbye to the friends I made at my old uni. At the time I felt extremely sad and insecure and spent most of the time in bed or smoking weed to knock myself out for as long as 5 days. This routine went on for the last two years. Luckily I quit last week and have some kind of accountability partnership with a friend I've made (he is/was actually my weed dealer).
Now it's two years later. I never visited a therapist because I thought I could manage it myself or just finish my studies and go into therapy. Currently I'm in a very stressful phase and experienced a lot of failure the last weeks. My mood is constantly switching between sadness, anger and apathy while the later is mostly present. Insomnia and not caring for myself isn't really helpful either. I've made some online job assessments and realized that at my current state I will fail my exams, bring other people into difficult situations and will certainly not be able to find a job. Getting other people into trouble is the major thing that gets to me. I have a lot of group assignments and procrastinated a lot. This lead to extremely bad presentations and always seeking excuses. I have two other presentation next week and didn't prepare anything (going o do a lot of allnighters the coming days...). Adding up to this is my extrem egocentrism. I'm alway stuck in my head but try to be as polite and helpful towards others as possible.
The worst thing is that I'm not even motivated to change and just want to do nothing anymore. I know I'm lazy as hell but there is nothing that interests me or gets me going. No motivation nothing..
Maybe a therapist will help me.
(There is some more stuff to add about my youth etc. but this would be too much for one post).
My preferred method is SN which I already ordered. Theoretically I could also get some Quetiapine but it's the medication of a relative with dementia so I will certainly not steal anything from them.
Yeah, that's me. Nothing as bad just a guy who doesn't want to take responsibility for himself, disappoints and annoys people around him.
While I prefer to ctb I will try therapy first.
If interested you can read a bit about my situation (it is nothing bad, just a bunch of bad decisions and my bad personality)
I slipped into an existential crisis two years ago which is probably still going on. I had an internship and couldn't withstand the boredom so I went stoned to the workplace. Luckily it was something semi-creative so it didn't really bother the higher ups (I guess they didn't even care about us as long as we finished our tasks). After finishing my internship I reflected on my behavior and realized a lot of flaws in my personality. Being all alone since my first semester didn't really help me. After a lecture on the current demographics in my country and our professor telling us that we will have extreme difficulties finding a stable job after graduation the crisis began. Of course this wasn't the primary trigger. I already quit my last study subject in a rush and didn't even say goodbye to the friends I made at my old uni. At the time I felt extremely sad and insecure and spent most of the time in bed or smoking weed to knock myself out for as long as 5 days. This routine went on for the last two years. Luckily I quit last week and have some kind of accountability partnership with a friend I've made (he is/was actually my weed dealer).
Now it's two years later. I never visited a therapist because I thought I could manage it myself or just finish my studies and go into therapy. Currently I'm in a very stressful phase and experienced a lot of failure the last weeks. My mood is constantly switching between sadness, anger and apathy while the later is mostly present. Insomnia and not caring for myself isn't really helpful either. I've made some online job assessments and realized that at my current state I will fail my exams, bring other people into difficult situations and will certainly not be able to find a job. Getting other people into trouble is the major thing that gets to me. I have a lot of group assignments and procrastinated a lot. This lead to extremely bad presentations and always seeking excuses. I have two other presentation next week and didn't prepare anything (going o do a lot of allnighters the coming days...). Adding up to this is my extrem egocentrism. I'm alway stuck in my head but try to be as polite and helpful towards others as possible.
The worst thing is that I'm not even motivated to change and just want to do nothing anymore. I know I'm lazy as hell but there is nothing that interests me or gets me going. No motivation nothing..
Maybe a therapist will help me.
(There is some more stuff to add about my youth etc. but this would be too much for one post).
My preferred method is SN which I already ordered. Theoretically I could also get some Quetiapine but it's the medication of a relative with dementia so I will certainly not steal anything from them.
Yeah, that's me. Nothing as bad just a guy who doesn't want to take responsibility for himself, disappoints and annoys people around him.
