TheActualAlex
New Member
- Feb 21, 2025
- 3
So I've reached that point. And as my first post, it's time I start really laying out the operation ahead of me, you know? Sounds kinda neat that way for something so morbid. Context of me, I'm a 28 year old man, father of one, and husband. I struggle with the usual, ADHD, desires, alcohol. I'm not a stellar dad(I have a shitty tendency to yell which is not helpful and I work on regularly) but I'm definitely not bad. I rent an apartment, I have pets, and my family all live out of state. But I really just can't do it anymore…
My wife is abusive, manipulative, but is always correct and I should be falling in line. I want to leave her, but it's been made so clear how I could never really survive happily on my own. She's also made it clear if I leave, I'd never see my daughter again, and that's the biggest issue I have. No matter what any court says, she's unstable, and I wouldn't be able to be a fitting household. I've lost my daughter no matter what in these scenarios, because I promise my relationship with her would be broken day one when if im out of the house.
I've tried just being happy where I am. Find peace in living. But the things that have actually brought me real joy? What made me glow and so happy? VR, sex, drugs, alcohol, and partying. I can't survive on that, and I may be vaguely entertaining, I don't have the right work ethic to make it as an entertainment star or anything like that. I'm friend funny, not comedy special funny. Morally I'm okay, but obviously I'm selfish if I'm doing all this anyways.
So here I am, date is set. Now it's the method. I don't want to risk survival. And if that means the day of I just stick my neck with something sharp, so be it. But obviously I want it to be less painful, and as cost effective as possible. I barely want to spend a dime doing this, though I've seen that the blood-choke method seems effective, and at most that'll be less than $60. I don't know where I'd deposit my body at the time without having the bill of my corpse's removal charged on my wife's card.
Look, I'm mad at her. We have a shit relationship and I'm forced the fucking kneel, but I love her too. She's been through a goddamn lot, and deserves some fucking form of help even if I'm a depressed, dead, dumbass. I've been just as much a shitty husband in other ways, and forced her into just as bad a situation that she'd never admit. Hell, she's tried to ctb without me even knowing in the middle of the night, it just didn't take.
So I don't want my final act to be a burden on anyone. Maybe besides the shitty local cops. I live in a backwater town, so I'm sure there's some scummy turds with a badge I wouldn't mind bugging a little. But just a little. Even then I don't know if I fully mean that… I want to believe in altruism, but I think I'm getting a bit off topic. I just want to be gone, and not cost much for it. I've got two months to plan it out… so, what do you think? I'm pretty okay with criticism, but be a little sparing… please?
My wife is abusive, manipulative, but is always correct and I should be falling in line. I want to leave her, but it's been made so clear how I could never really survive happily on my own. She's also made it clear if I leave, I'd never see my daughter again, and that's the biggest issue I have. No matter what any court says, she's unstable, and I wouldn't be able to be a fitting household. I've lost my daughter no matter what in these scenarios, because I promise my relationship with her would be broken day one when if im out of the house.
I've tried just being happy where I am. Find peace in living. But the things that have actually brought me real joy? What made me glow and so happy? VR, sex, drugs, alcohol, and partying. I can't survive on that, and I may be vaguely entertaining, I don't have the right work ethic to make it as an entertainment star or anything like that. I'm friend funny, not comedy special funny. Morally I'm okay, but obviously I'm selfish if I'm doing all this anyways.
So here I am, date is set. Now it's the method. I don't want to risk survival. And if that means the day of I just stick my neck with something sharp, so be it. But obviously I want it to be less painful, and as cost effective as possible. I barely want to spend a dime doing this, though I've seen that the blood-choke method seems effective, and at most that'll be less than $60. I don't know where I'd deposit my body at the time without having the bill of my corpse's removal charged on my wife's card.
Look, I'm mad at her. We have a shit relationship and I'm forced the fucking kneel, but I love her too. She's been through a goddamn lot, and deserves some fucking form of help even if I'm a depressed, dead, dumbass. I've been just as much a shitty husband in other ways, and forced her into just as bad a situation that she'd never admit. Hell, she's tried to ctb without me even knowing in the middle of the night, it just didn't take.
So I don't want my final act to be a burden on anyone. Maybe besides the shitty local cops. I live in a backwater town, so I'm sure there's some scummy turds with a badge I wouldn't mind bugging a little. But just a little. Even then I don't know if I fully mean that… I want to believe in altruism, but I think I'm getting a bit off topic. I just want to be gone, and not cost much for it. I've got two months to plan it out… so, what do you think? I'm pretty okay with criticism, but be a little sparing… please?
