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maidens

maidens

" more dead than alive, I endure it "
Aug 27, 2023
143
it's not fair that ever since I was a child I've always always always craved attention and yet I've never recieved much

I do everything, and I mean everything I can to become popular and get attention especially online. I tried creating an entire new personality publicly, tried creating a whole new identity on a different account without telling anyone, analyzed the profiles of "big" twitter accounts people like a lot to make one like theirs, paid attention to behavior too to act more like them, nothing. I have ~450 twitter followers and that's not NEARLY enough.

I have tons of friends but none of them give me much attention or affection other than like 3 of them. a lot of my friends, especially one, make it so obvious they couldn't care less about me or how I feel. whenever I ask for praise or attention it's usually crickets and I'm so fucking tired of it I give all my friends so much genuine affection because I love my friends, I'm very grateful for my friends and I mean that! but none of them care for me and I'm so fed up with all of it I don't know what to do anymore I just want attention
 
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Imagined_Euphoria

Imagined_Euphoria

Student
Aug 5, 2024
161
Whats the reason you want attention? Genuinely curious. I never felt that way, especially not in social media.
 
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maidens

maidens

" more dead than alive, I endure it "
Aug 27, 2023
143
Whats the reason you want attention? Genuinely curious. I never felt that way, especially not in social media.
I have covert NPD, but i've also just always craved it since I was little. I think it's also because my parents never gave me much when I was little, I went through a lot of emotional neglect and still am to this day
 
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S

Sat

Member
Aug 12, 2024
31
You don't need love from a million people, you need a million love from a person.

I've heard a quote like that somewhere.
 
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Ramsay Fiction

Ramsay Fiction

Soulburner
Aug 15, 2024
58
I crave attention, maybe it stems from none of my basic needs being met growing up and being isolated from other people? I'm not sure. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser so people like me. Like you, I know a lot of people! But they may as well all be NPCs.

All that just to say I don't 100% know your perspective but can definitely sympathize with an appetite for attention that remains unsatiated
 
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Soupster

Soupster

Chasing dreams, catching nightmares
Aug 14, 2024
184
This is a mindset I genuinely don't understand. To be clear that does not make it less valid or mean that it is wrong in amy way. Just I personally don't get it. I've always wanted to minimize the amount of attention I receive. I try to be bland, boring, nondescript. I don't want people looking at me, judging me, and definitely not approaching me. It's a pain in the ass that I work in people oriented jobs and have to fake it at work. I just shut that shit down as soon as I get home. I have very little social media, and ertainly no followers.
 
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Ramsay Fiction

Ramsay Fiction

Soulburner
Aug 15, 2024
58
This is a mindset I genuinely don't understand. To be clear that does not make it less valid or mean that it is wrong in amy way. Just I personally don't get it. I've always wanted to minimize the amount of attention I receive. I try to be bland, boring, nondescript. I don't want people looking at me, judging me, and definitely not approaching me. It's a pain in the ass that I work in people oriented jobs and have to fake it at work. I just shut that shit down as soon as I get home. I have very little social media, and ertainly no followers.
Some people are just like that. I understand your pov too. I get nervous when I am the center of attention, it just so happens that I want it anyway despite that. I think most people in a similar boat don't have this weird conflicting desires like I do. Hiding away never to be seen again by another person sometimes seems really appealing lol
 
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Fragile_

Fragile_

cold as ice
Jun 2, 2024
18
I understand your frustration but honestly satisfying your needs with the amount of twitter followers is hollow. You need few close friends or even just 1 person that cares about you the same way you care about them. But yea.. it's not easy to find that person
 
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M

Manfrotto99

Specialist
Oct 10, 2023
308
Have you been diagnosed with covert npd ? Most people Ive known with covert npd, and I've known a few, would never admit they have any personality disorder let alone npd. They are usually too perfect, in their own minds to think they have a mental disorder. You say you genuinely love and are grateful for your friends, but that dosnt really line up with having npd either. Maybe you have a desperate need to belong which makes sense as you were neglected by your parents, but perhaps people feel you are trying to hard and not being genuine and consistent with what you say and how you come across. Sadly when we're neglecting by our parents we often become lost and try to seek validation elsewhere, but just having one person who we can truly be ourselves is what is most important.
 
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maidens

maidens

" more dead than alive, I endure it "
Aug 27, 2023
143
Have you been diagnosed with covert npd ? Most people Ive known with covert npd, and I've known a few, would never admit they have any personality disorder let alone npd. They are usually too perfect, in their own minds to think they have a mental disorder. You say you genuinely love and are grateful for your friends, but that dosnt really line up with having npd either. Maybe you have a desperate need to belong which makes sense as you were neglected by your parents, but perhaps people feel you are trying to hard and not being genuine and consistent with what you say and how you come across. Sadly when we're neglecting by our parents we often become lost and try to seek validation elsewhere, but just having one person who we can truly be ourselves is what is most important.
I am working on getting a diagnosis with a professional. I admit I have it becwuse I need labels to understand what the fuck is wrong with me or I'll go insane. and maybe if people know I have a disorder that requires me to get more attention maybe they'll give me it

what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with. although I do get upset at them pretty easily (I don't express it) and if I feel that they're getting more love than me or aren't giving me what I'm giving them I get increasingly angry
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
7,266
You don't need love from a million people, you need a million love from a person.
I like that quote. Yes, enough love from one person to last a lifetime.
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,737
Most people Ive known with covert npd, and I've known a few, would never admit they have any personality disorder let alone npd.
Who is to say that even have NDP if they were never diagnosed?
 
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gloomie

gloomie

grieving
Aug 23, 2024
10
i have bpd and feel a similar way a lot. i think deep down i feel as though maybe if i can get enough attention, validation or affection, i'll somehow be "saved" and finally feel whole. not sure if it's the same for you, but i empathise
 
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pain6batch9

pain6batch9

Chronic
Aug 25, 2024
184
I'm strange. I don't like attention. I have absolutely no social media presence at all. No friends in real life. I keep to myself, live by myself. Completely the opposite to what you describe.

Why? I don't suffer with anxiety. I'm okay talking to strangers, in front of groups. Doesn't bother me if I get called out to perform in front of others, I dive right in.

So why don't I like attention? The answer is, I prefer my anonymity. I want the shadows, not because I want to feel safer, no. It's because I want to feel unseen. Because here in the darkness I can be what and who I want to be. Fame and attention are anathema to me because as soon as the spotlight is on you, you lose your anonymity. Then, the crowd dictates who you are, with their opinions and comments and their voices. The crowd molds you. It controls you. I'm not scared of the crowd. I just see it for what it is.

I'll take anonymity over attention any day. No Tikkytock. No bloody Xtwits, no Facebollocks. No love Island. No British Talent Hunters. Nope.

I'll be here in the shadows.
 
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M

Manfrotto99

Specialist
Oct 10, 2023
308
Who is to say that even have NDP if they were never diagnosed?
It's just common for people with npd to think they have no problems and they are usually very good at scapegoating and blaming others and putting on a mask that they are one of the least likely to be assessed unless forced into it. My father and sister are both covert npd types but never been diagnosed and would never consider seeing a psychologist.
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,737
It's just common for people with npd to think they have no problems and they are usually very good at scapegoating and blaming others and putting on a mask that they are one of the least likely to be assessed unless forced into it. My father and sister are both covert npd types but never been diagnosed and would never consider seeing a psychologist.
Okay, that doesn't mean that they have NDP. Scapegoating and blaming others are behaviours that are common amongst the general population. Stop trying to play psychiatrist. You are in no position to diagnose them with anything.
 
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M

Manfrotto99

Specialist
Oct 10, 2023
308
I am working on getting a diagnosis with a professional. I admit I have it becwuse I need labels to understand what the fuck is wrong with me or I'll go insane. and maybe if people know I have a disorder that requires me to get more attention maybe they'll give me it

what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with. although I do get upset at them pretty easily (I don't express it) and if I feel that they're getting more love than me or aren't giving me what I'm giving them I get increasingly angry

I am working on getting a diagnosis with a professional. I admit I have it becwuse I need labels to understand what the fuck is wrong with me or I'll go insane. and maybe if people know I have a disorder that requires me to get more attention maybe they'll give me it

what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with. although I do get upset at them pretty easily (I don't express it) and if I feel that they're getting more love than me or aren't giving me what I'm giving them I get increasingly angry
I'm not saying your not loving and grateful for your friends, but with npd
Okay, that doesn't mean that they have NDP. Scapegoating and blaming others are behaviours that are common amongst the general population. Stop trying to play psychiatrist. You are in no position to diagnose them with anything.
Wow sorry, no need to take offence. I never said anyone has NPD because they blame or scapegoat by any means we all do this at times. I'm only saying that scapegoating and blaming are common behavious for npd, so is being highly offensive. Its basic text book stuff, but it's all on a spectrum. The poster was asking for opinions, that's all and I have read a great deal and do have experience with covert NPD as both my father and sister fall into the category, as suggested by my psychologist and other professionals.
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,737
Wow sorry, no need to take offence. I never said anyone has NPD because they blame or scapegoat by any means we all do this at times. I'm only saying that scapegoating and blaming are common behavious for npd, so is being highly offensive. Its basic text book stuff, but it's all on a spectrum. The poster was asking for opinions, that's all and I have read a great deal and do have experience with covert NPD as both my father and sister fall into the category, as suggested by my psychologist and other professionals.
You aren't their psychologist. Stop trying to fucking diagnose others. You reading shit online doesn't mean anything. Your psychologist cannot diagnose them with anything since they aren't their patients and are only going off of your own experiences and opinions of them.
 
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M

Manfrotto99

Specialist
Oct 10, 2023
308
I am working on getting a diagnosis with a professional. I admit I have it becwuse I need labels to understand what the fuck is wrong with me or I'll go insane. and maybe if people know I have a disorder that requires me to get more attention maybe they'll give me it

what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with. although I do get upset at them pretty easily (I don't express it) and if I feel that they're getting more love than me or aren't giving me what I'm giving them I get increasingly angry

I am working on getting a diagnosis with a professional. I admit I have it becwuse I need labels to understand what the fuck is wrong with me or I'll go insane. and maybe if people know I have a disorder that requires me to get more attention maybe they'll give me it

what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with. although I do get upset at them pretty easily (I don't express it) and if I feel that they're getting more love than me or aren't giving me what I'm giving them I get increasingly angry
I'm not saying your not loving and grateful for your friends, but with npd
Okay, that doesn't mean that they have NDP. Scapegoating and blaming others are behaviours that are common amongst the general population. Stop trying to play psychiatrist. You are in no position to diagnose them with anything.
Wow sorry, no need to take offence. I'm only saying that scapegoating and blaming are common be for npd, so is being offensive. It's all on a spectrum.
You aren't their psychologist. Stop trying to fucking diagnose others. You reading shit online doesn't mean anything. Your psychologist cannot diagnose them with anything since they aren't their patients and are only going off of your own experiences and opinions of what is your problem?

You aren't their psychologist. Stop trying to fucking diagnose others. You reading shit online doesn't mean anything. Your psychologist cannot diagnose them with anything since they aren't their patients and are only going off of your own experiences and opin
That's correct im not and never did i say i was anyones psychologist or pretend to be or even suggest the poster had npd. Quite the opposite which is why I asked them if they had been diagnosed with npd given they mentioned it themselves. I offered an opinion to a post based on my own personal experience and that is all. There was no need to be nasty and take offence to it.
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,737
I'm not saying your not loving and grateful for your friends, but with npd

Wow sorry, no need to take offence. I'm only saying that scapegoating and blaming are common be for npd, so is being offensive. It's all on a spectrum.
I feel like you didn't bother reading my post...
 
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grungy自殺

grungy自殺

Ugh, i guess so.. but altas idk..
Jan 9, 2024
115
You don't need love from a million people, you need a million love from a person.

I've heard a quote like that somewhere.
To be honest it would be a saying that i wish that i could embrace.

But considering how emotionally volatile i am as a result of a mental condition that i have (which is bdp), it becomes hard to trust one that you wouldn't know if you can be with them in the long run as you can't wrap your self on the idea of being patient, to allow them to have a chance with you.

Like them getting the chance to understand you, but the result of insecurities that you have prevents you from having a sense of humility.

to just allow yourself to be open with everything

but if it's also added on top of abandonment issues, then that becomes even more unbearable...

it's a reason why i tell myself that i need more and more friends for the sake of maintaining my sanity to have the availability of being around someone at all times

It's terrible to think this way i know, but i don't have anything else left at this point....

And at least it would be something to do that i've have left being here before i ctb regardless.
 
failureofahuman

failureofahuman

Born failure, live failure, die failure
Nov 1, 2024
51
I'm kind of an attention seeker too, but I think it's just because I'm a lonely person
 
Ashu

Ashu

novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
Nov 13, 2021
731
what do you mean loving and being grateful for your friends doesn't line up with having npd? they are the people who (sometimes) give me attention and are nice to me, and they're fun to hang out with.
He just means that people with a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder generally don't have your attitude to their friends, nor are they even able to admit to themselves that they are narcissistic, hence his skepticism. You should be glad, though, that you don't fit the description, because narcissists are... difficult, unpleasant people.
 

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