Autism is why I’m alone

[lex4449]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

 

[mirisasofia09]

HI! I am an autistic and ADHD woman. I understand you and your experience. It's true, being autistic is a disability that is invisible to many but for us who live it it is very visible. We know our experiences perfectly (often bullying, even serious trauma, exclusion, lack of support and often school difficulties). In my experience, beyond school/university which are battlegrounds that can undermine our self-esteem, the deficits destroy us in executive functions that are often lacking and in the social ones (our absorbing interests, the difficulty in recognizing non-verbal or symbolic language). We often end up alone and isolated. It can be worked on with psychological therapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, and with pharmacological therapy given that there are often comorbidities but at my age I think it is useless. Whatever your decision for the future, I give you a virtual hug from a distance, for reasons similar to yours I am seriously thinking about suicide.

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

 

[Kalista]

ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female

So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful

people is why this happens, not autism. you're surrounded by people with rigid thinking and outright rejects someone who is different.

the problem is them, not you -- a very true statement in this case.

but even with that in mind, it doesn't change the fact that people treat you poorly.

I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons.

whatever you choose to do, may you do it well.

 

[Mirrory Me]

There are things people say, that can hinder our love to ourself, but truth is you capability to feel and be loved, if you don't let them get to you... Hopefully you are able to endure and find way to cope with these thoughts and emotions- you don't have to be alone because there's something wrong with you.

 

[ShatteredShards]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

Maybe I can offer some advice?

Autism is a one Hell of a spectrum, as we both know, though you CAN treat it by educating yourself on the topic of socially psychology, then putting what you've learn into practice, repeating the whole trial and error concept as time goes by. Obviously it's by no means a quick fix, but it sure as Hell helps in the long run (if you maintain your persistence, that is) and eventually you'll come to the understand that those around you (including yourself) are more complex that you might've originally thought, opting to treat everyone you meet on a case by case basis, instead of referring articles and poorly executed studies.

I won't act like I know what your life consists off or what you've endured, though from what I've read so far, it gives off the idea that you're surrounding yourself around the wrong people. There are plenty good peeps in the world and they're easier to find that you think, so here's some solid advice; go volunteer for a charity, pretty much all of the people in those types of places are good natured, which kinda acts as a double whammy, you're doing something positive and making friends whilst doing it, win/win.

As for relationships, well it's waiting game coupled with making yourself feel appealing to the right person. Do you best to take care of your appearance, emphasise your most admirable traits, be hygienic and try not to worry about finding a partner whilst, it'll happen sooner or later, trust me. Now, it might come across like I'm brushing off what you've said, which is not the case, I'm just trying offer best advice I can give based on my own experience, since I've been in the same situation and retain the same disability as you.

You're the arbiter of you life, how you go about making decisions is up to you, so I'd always recommend exhausting all reasonable options before CTB.

 

[Hotsackage]

That's pretty much the point, working on something, when the condition you have is complex and hard to be managed. I'm with you on that. Well wishes

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I hate how so many of autistic individuals are hurting because this world is so cruel and unfair… :((
It just hurts… no way to justify why this world should exist further

 

[CogitoMori]

I'm afab and autistic and most of my bullies were female too. I think women might be more cruel to autistic people since they rely more on "subtle" communication (lying and saying the opposite of what you mean) than men do in general. There was another study recently that said that most allistic people subconsciously identify and decide they don't like autistic people, whether they know about their autism diagnosis or not. This world isn't made for us and they've made it clear they don't want us here. We're pretty much aliens to them.
It also said that once they decide they don't like you, there's nothing you can do to change their mind. You're "bad" because you're weird and no matter how many times you prove yourself they will never like you.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

A random psychology today article is not a good source of information. It's a pop-sci magazine, not a scholarly source. While some of the information on there is good, there have been times when I've come across stuff on there that was pure bullshit, esepcially from the blog section. It's a magazine, not a peer-reviewed scholarly journal. Also, may I ask that you post the link to said article? I tried looking for it but cannot find it. The way how it's written makes me want to look into it a bit more.

With that in mind, there are plenty of autistic men who go on to on to find romantic partners and even get married. For example, my uncle was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and he is married and has a kid.

 

[lex4449]

I'm afab and autistic and most of my bullies were female too. I think women might be more cruel to autistic people since they rely more on "subtle" communication (lying and saying the opposite of what you mean) than men do in general. There was another study recently that said that most allistic people subconsciously identify and decide they don't like autistic people, whether they know about their autism diagnosis or not. This world isn't made for us and they've made it clear they don't want us here. We're pretty much aliens to them.
It also said that once they decide they don't like you, there's nothing you can do to change their mind. You're "bad" because you're weird and no matter how many times you prove yourself they will never like you.

I know that! Why do think i plan on killing myself!? It'll make a lot of people happy

Do you best to take care of your appearance

I AM hygienic, unlike those reddit neckbeards. so to bring up my appearance at all despite it being nothing why I'm alone is pure disrespect. Not advice

I give you a virtual hug from a distance

That's not good enough, it's never good enough. I've had more success with my suicide attempts then with love.

people is why this happens, not autism. you're surrounded by people with rigid thinking and outright rejects someone who is different.

the problem is them, not you -- a very true statement in this case.

but even with that in mind, it doesn't change the fact that people treat you poorly.


whatever you choose to do, may you do it well.

It's ALL neurotypical people, they're all part of the problem, especially when they do nothing to stop us getting bullied. They're all bad.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Become a goth, then people will just assume you're being a goth bitch whenever you fail any kind of social cue.
Source: It's what i do lmao. Can't get mad at me for not having any idea what they want and not reacting, if they didnt expect a reaction to begin with !

 

[lex4449]

Become a goth, then people will just assume you're being a goth bitch whenever you fail any kind of social cue.
Source: It's what i do lmao. Can't get mad at me for not having any idea what they want and not reacting, if they didnt expect a reaction to begin with !

This is real life, not South Park. That still wouldn't work for me anyway

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

This is real life, not fucking South Park

I'm not even kidding, people are being infinitely more tolerant towards my bullshit when im dressed like im about to play at an MCR concert. The kind of stuff i'd get yelled at when dressed normally gets ignored.

 

[PlaceCalledHome]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

I'm a female with autism and adhd who's had life-long difficulties connecting with people (honestly it's at the root of most of my suffering). I have often wondered if it's the reason I've experienced so much social and romantic rejection and if it's the reason I have difficulty getting along with my family who aren't on the spectrum. In my case trauma and mental illness probably make me even less appealing to others.

If it's any consolation I've big-time crushed on quite a few autistic men irl and find a lot of autistic traits very attractive and endearing. I've never dated an autistic man though as they're harder to read and I could never tell if they were interested in me or not.

 

[blackpillhopeless]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

Hugs man, I am in a similar situation too due to my autism and below average face. I feel like there isn't a real solution to my problems, I just got dealt a very bad hand.

 

[RoyalBengalAutistic]

I can relate

 

[lex4449]

Hugs man, I am in a similar situation too due to my autism and below average face. I feel like there isn't a real solution to my problems, I just got dealt a very bad hand.

That's what suicide is for! My looks weren't an issue, but it doesn't matter anyway. All the women in the world will be happy when I'm dead

 

[İnilerim]

You're deluding yourself if you think not wanting to date you is equal to hating you.

 

[AAE]

Another person on the spectrum here, and that's what it is, a spectrum. Every color we can possibly see is included and represents each unique individual with their own gifts and/or disabilities. It's important to know that while there's lots to learn about oneself after being diagnosed, autism is also a word, a label. Society loves putting labels on people they're afraid of. We're not a label, we're unique individuals and they choose to think we're "all the same" which is not true. The "neurotypicals" are just as unique individuals on a huge spectrum as us "neurodivergents".

From a guy who just turned 40, barely surviving with multiple chronic illnesses and disabilities, I'll say this: If the downsides of being on the spectrum were my biggest problem I wouldn't be on this website. And these downsides are mostly not with me but with other people's lack of will to coexist and be decent.

My advice is to try and really get to know yourself and let your good sides shine. Everyone is worthy of love and comfort if they seek it and have the same love to give. Don't let the scared, self-entitled "normal people" tell you otherwise. Those who bully are scared of everyone and everything but wouldn't spend a minute trying to learn to understand anything, not even themselves.

 

[lex4449]

You're deluding yourself if you think not wanting to date you is equal to hating you.

That's not what I meant at all, you're just nitpicking.

 

[lex4449]

I hate how so many of autistic individuals are hurting because this world is so cruel and unfair… :((
It just hurts… no way to justify why this world should exist further

I'll never know. People will regret what they've done to me when I'm dead

 

[lament.]

its rough but id recommend just staying true to yourself and hoping that you stumble across a real friend who doesnt care that you aren't normal. i did the exact opposite and just masked it as much as i could my entire life which made people more interested in me and more inclined to like me but i could never make lasting connections with people because i didnt feel a close connection to anyone as i was never actually being myself deep down, whats the point of friendships if you have to create a new personality for each new person you interact with, hell i had people ask me out even but i would always decline because i would feel like they barely even knew me.

autism sucks i hate genetics so much man

 

[lex4449]

its rough but id recommend just staying true to yourself and hoping that you stumble across a real friend who doesnt care that you aren't normal. i did the exact opposite and just masked it as much as i could my entire life which made people more interested in me and more inclined to like me but i could never make lasting connections with people because i didnt feel a close connection to anyone as i was never actually being myself deep down, whats the point of friendships if you have to create a new personality for each new person you interact with, hell i had people ask me out even but i would always decline because i would feel like they barely even knew me.

autism sucks i hate genetics so much man

As I've said, it's way easier to take my own life. I've had more success with my suicide attempts then with finding friends or love

 

[AuroraB]

I'm neurotypical. The love of my life was a guy on the spectrum. We shared a home for 8 years of the 10 years we knew each other. He threw me under the bus for the kink/furry/hentai lifestyle. I tried for 8 out of 10 years to save the relationship. We haven't spoken in nearly 5 years now and I think about him every single day. He was beautiful, brilliant, hilarious, quirky and could be so sweet and loving. He could also be callous, dismissive, non-communicative, and vengeful. Like any other dude. But that love will never die.

 

[failureofahuman]

I "have" pretty mild autism, to the point that I've wondered if it's a misdiagnosis, but I've still felt this chronic disconnection from other people my whole life. There's an emotional distance and feeling of not belonging that pervades through everything. It sounds like a very trivial reason but I've realized it's down to the core of the issue. What's the point in living if you're an alien, if you don't make the world a better place, if you're a burden, if people would be happier without you around? Even if you only cause people annoyance, it adds up with all the people you piss off. The choice to CTB isn't selfish at all, it's to make other people happier, even if they won't admit they'd be happier without you. I can't take it, being alone and unwanted by people. I feel like a hollow shell of a person, like there's something everyone else has that I don't. I have to leave to make the world better for others.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Autism has nothing to do with your predicament. Being a blackpilled incel on the other hand...

Where did he say he's an incel, as opposed to struggling with relationships in general? I'm an autistic woman, and autism is a barrier to forming and maintaining relationships, there's no sugarcoating it. It is possible to find friends, and a relationship, if you are in the right situation to find like-minded people, but one of the hallmark symptoms of ASD is having developmental delays in socialisation and communication, and it is true that many people will judge before giving you a chance to get to know them if you have this condition.

I've never really been able to have friends or date anyone who wasn't also autistic or out there themselves. It's like a lot of neurotypicals have a six sense and can just tell that something is "off" about you from first glance, even if you try very hard to mask your disability. And this is coming from someone who has worked hard to develop social skills, going from never talking to gaining enough confidence to hold long conversations with people and work jobs facing the public after many uncomfortable situations. I have learned a lot of social skills over the years, but neurotypicals will always be able to tell something is wrong with me and I can't blend into social settings whatsoever like they can.

OP, I feel for you. It is really hard to make genuine connections as an autistic person. If you search for other people with disabilities, or those who don't quite fit into society, you'll have a better chance of finding a friend who is compatible with you. I can't relate to 90% of people either, through no fault of theirs or mine. Others who know what it's like to feel different will resonate with you, and something could go from there. It can be difficult to find such people though, as many of these types are introverted.

 

[lex4449]

Where did he say he's an incel, as opposed to struggling with relationships in general? I'm an autistic woman, and autism is a barrier to forming and maintaining relationships, there's no sugarcoating it. It is possible to find friends, and a relationship, if you are in the right situation to find like-minded people, but one of the hallmark symptoms of ASD is having developmental delays in socialisation and communication, and it is true that many people will judge before giving you a chance to get to know them if you have this condition.

I've never really been able to have friends or date anyone who wasn't also autistic or out there themselves. It's like a lot of neurotypicals have a six sense and can just tell that something is "off" about you from first glance, even if you try very hard to mask your disability. And this is coming from someone who has worked hard to develop social skills, going from never talking to gaining enough confidence to hold long conversations with people and work jobs facing the public after many uncomfortable situations. I have learned a lot of social skills over the years, but neurotypicals will always be able to tell something is wrong with me and I can't blend into social settings whatsoever like they can.

OP, I feel for you. It is really hard to make genuine connections as an autistic person. If you search for other people with disabilities, or those who don't quite fit into society, you'll have a better chance of finding a friend who is compatible with you. I can't relate to 90% of people either, through no fault of theirs or mine. Others who know what it's like to feel different will resonate with you, and something could go from there. It can be difficult to find such people though, as many of these types are introverted.

I've tried, there's litterly no one like me where I live and it sucks

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Hey man, sorry you're going through this, I'm also autistic and in a similar spot.

I know that! Why do think i plan on killing myself!? It'll make a lot of people happy

All the women in the world will be happy when I'm dead

I guess and hope you're not serious here, but if you are I just want to say that's false.

Not having a girlfriend has been my main source of pain, although more recently along with OCD-type fears and regret over past immoral actions. I still struggle with this, but I'm certain I've made good progress on the path. I hope these thoughts can be of some sort of help or inspiration; otherwise, feel free to ignore them, of course:

1. Breaking a relationship up into parts (sex/romance/companionship/daily life/marriage/etc). Which ones, if any, are just not appealing? Which ones, if any, can be substituted? Example: I don't actually want to have casual sex at all (very temporary, probably severely overrated, STD risk, etc), and just having someone around in daily life stuff doesn't seem necessary. But, I feel a desire for romantic companionship type stuff (like getting a thoughtful present from a gf or some cute romantic moments type thing). Breaking it up further, what is the romantic moments' components, and are they unappealing or outsourceable? Her attention, being seen, someone thinks about me and picks out a gift they know I'd like, they want me to be happy and is putting in effort on their own to achieve this. (I'm actually almost tearing up writing this, lol). Other romantic moments involve hugging/touch/etc, this can, more or less, be broken down into a plethora of warm touch sensations and psycho-social emotional sensations (acceptance, mating-type oxytocin or whatever, relaxation, positive emotions, etc). The purely touch type sensations part can be replaced, although maybe not fully replicated, with things like exercising, hot tubs, or whatever, I assume. The psycho-social emotional part I believe could be handled to at least a fair degree by something like a friend group/getting social status from work, or maybe a hobby or something.

2. I didn't even mention the greatest weapon we have at our disposal in (1), meditation (I have a megathread about it in my signature). The ways meditation can help in this situation are numerous. Reducing suffering from emotional pain of loneliness, increasing ability to focus on something else (maybe something like music or work/school), and many other things mentioned elsewhere. The effects also cross over and help each other (the less we suffer, the easier to focus on something else, which makes us suffer less, for an example).

3. I'm hesitant about writing this last one, since it could be offensive (edit: think I managed to make it less offensive just now before posting, nice), but I'll want to put this out there since I think it may help someone take the edge off until other strategies start working. Look, isn't it common practice nowadays for people to have sex early? Open relationship, group sex, casual sex, etc. I personally feel highly iffy about marrying a person who's been "left testicle licker" in a foursome. Purely emotionally speaking, I'd rather find out they'd been robbing old people (years ago, and then changed her ways and now regret her actions). Just something to think about, your own preferences in a partner, even if it seems like there aren't any suitors. I'm not sad about not being able to purchase a machine gun, I don't want a machine gun. For self defense I want to attempt to use non-lethal ways like grappling or a stick or something, you know? Maybe for you/the reader there are other thing that turn you off from romantic prospects. Feces? Makeup? Dress styles? Aging and death?

Anyway, I hope this can be of some help, I'm also trying to figure out how to deal with this.
Best wishes and take care.


Edit: Forgot to say something I thought about mid-post. Maybe important. There may also still be opportunities for companionship later on. Even for myself, I don't put the probability of gf at 0%. Especially considering I haven't had tens of female friends (or even one) throughout my life. I suppose for a fair assessment we'd have to have, just to pull a number out of thin air, at least 20 close female friends before thinking about stating that it's over. Even then, we'd probably need more like hundreds, of various backgrounds/groups/ages/etc. Just concerned that the conclusion seemed drawn from online writings rather than repeated personal contact with real women (not that I have had such contact myself outside of immediate family).

Anyway, hit me up if you want to hear more from me bro.

 

[AuroraB]

Hey man, sorry you're going through this, I'm also autistic and in a similar spot.


I guess and hope you're not serious here, but if you are I just want to say that's false.

Not having a girlfriend has been my main source of pain, although more recently along with OCD-type fears and regret over past immoral actions. I still struggle with this, but I'm certain I've made good progress on the path. I hope these thoughts can be of some sort of help or inspiration; otherwise, feel free to ignore them, of course:

1. Breaking a relationship up into parts (sex/romance/companionship/daily life/marriage/etc). Which ones, if any, are just not appealing? Which ones, if any, can be substituted? Example: I don't actually want to have casual sex at all (very temporary, probably severely overrated, STD risk, etc), and just having someone around in daily life stuff doesn't seem necessary. But, I feel a desire for romantic companionship type stuff (like getting a thoughtful present from a gf or some cute romantic moments type thing). Breaking it up further, what is the romantic moments' components, and are they unappealing or outsourceable? Her attention, being seen, someone thinks about me and picks out a gift they know I'd like, they want me to be happy and is putting in effort on their own to achieve this. (I'm actually almost tearing up writing this, lol). Other romantic moments involve hugging/touch/etc, this can, more or less, be broken down into a plethora of warm touch sensations and psycho-social emotional sensations (acceptance, mating-type oxytocin or whatever, relaxation, positive emotions, etc). The purely touch type sensations part can be replaced, although maybe not fully replicated, with things like exercising, hot tubs, or whatever, I assume. The psycho-social emotional part I believe could be handled to at least a fair degree by something like a friend group/getting social status from work, or maybe a hobby or something.

2. I didn't even mention the greatest weapon we have at our disposal in (1), meditation (I have a megathread about it in my signature). The ways meditation can help in this situation are numerous. Reducing suffering from emotional pain of loneliness, increasing ability to focus on something else (maybe something like music or work/school), and many other things mentioned elsewhere. The effects also cross over and help each other (the less we suffer, the easier to focus on something else, which makes us suffer less, for an example).

3. I'm hesitant about writing this last one, since it could be offensive (edit: think I managed to make it less offensive just now before posting, nice), but I'll want to put this out there since I think it may help someone take the edge off until other strategies start working. Look, isn't it common practice nowadays for people to have sex early? Open relationship, group sex, casual sex, etc. I personally feel highly iffy about marrying a person who's been "left testicle licker" in a foursome. Purely emotionally speaking, I'd rather find out they'd been robbing old people (years ago, and then changed her ways and now regret her actions). Just something to think about, your own preferences in a partner, even if it seems like there aren't any suitors. I'm not sad about not being able to purchase a machine gun, I don't want a machine gun. For self defense I want to attempt to use non-lethal ways like grappling or a stick or something, you know? Maybe for you/the reader there are other thing that turn you off from romantic prospects. Feces? Makeup? Dress styles? Aging and death?

Anyway, I hope this can be of some help, I'm also trying to figure out how to deal with this.
Best wishes and take care.


Edit: Forgot to say something I thought about mid-post. Maybe important. There may also still be opportunities for companionship later on. Even for myself, I don't put the probability of gf at 0%. Especially considering I haven't had tens of female friends (or even one) throughout my life. I suppose for a fair assessment we'd have to have, just to pull a number out of thin air, at least 20 close female friends before thinking about stating that it's over. Even then, we'd probably need more like hundreds, of various backgrounds/groups/ages/etc. Just concerned that the conclusion seemed drawn from online writings rather than repeated personal contact with real women (not that I have had such contact myself outside of immediate family).

Anyway, hit me up if you want to hear more from me bro.

As the neurotypical ex of an Aspie, this was a great read. Brilliant insight. Makes me wonder how my ex broke-down his needs and ended up eliminating me for his BDSM/kink/furry lifestyle. One note: you wrote TWICE how you would love sweet little gifts from a girlfriend but not ONCE did I read what you'd have to offer her. Relationships require both people being loving, generous, attentive. Just saying.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

As the neurotypical ex of an Aspie, this was a great read. Brilliant insight. Makes me wonder how my ex broke-down his needs and ended up eliminating me for his BDSM/kink/furry lifestyle.

Thanks. I would definitely not assume he did, though.

One note: you wrote TWICE how you would love sweet little gifts from a girlfriend but not ONCE did I read what you'd have to offer her. Relationships require both people being loving, generous, attentive. Just saying.

Yeah, don't want a relationship were I'm not wanted at all and do nothing for my partner. But this is kind of like telling a fish not to microwave metal.