TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,898
Back when I was an adolescence and during a tumultuous time, I recall that I had a close family friend (me and him grew up together and his name is C, and will refer to him as 'C' in this thread.) Me and C both shared similar interests and both had helicopter parents (albeit his slightly different, but also pretty restrictive, protective, and also did not allow as much freedom as other peers' parents). Also, me and him are about similar age with him just being about a year younger than I am (if I was 15, he was 14 or so at the time). In this story, I am recounting my adolescence as a time when CTB crossed my mind (albeit sadly I didn't have any means (was still a minor at the time, and not to mention due to more impulsivity, likely to fail so I guess in a sense I didn't act on it, not that it would have helped!) and one of the few developmental events that also shaped me into thinking about CTB and death in general. I'm sharing this little story because I believe it will add some insight and more understanding into when I actually started to consider CTB as an option (even before I had an idea of the right to die).
So here is the story. It was during one of my most tumultuous times where my parents were very strict (my father more so) and of course, I wasn't doing well at school and school life was in the shitter too (bullying, alienation, etc.) I won't get into all the details because that's not what this story if mainly about (I will stay on thread, on topic more), but rather another developmental event that was the foundation of my view and stance on CTB. So during one of the lowest times as an adolescence, I mentioned to C about how it would just be better if I CTB'd and stuff (again, keep in mind this is adolescent TAW, not adult TAW, nor the TAW of the recent past or present, but decades ago). C said "Well if you CTB'd, you'd miss out on blah blah video game unlocks, or other video game secrets, etc."
Keep in mind during that time I was more focused on coping than the long term and I was an adolescent, so my access to means and also critical thinking weren't quite there yet. Therefore, I would think that even if I had the means to CTB (which I did not and also the Internet (early to mid 2000's) wasn't as helpful or comprehensive at the time so method information may be more limited than say in the late 2010's or later on, and possibly also been difficult at such times. I would speculate and possibly deduce that had I been more prepared and possibly had the same knowledge I did now and known the future, I would have forgone the copes and just skip all the bullshit that is adult life and life itself. As someone in adulthood, while I do enjoy video games, it was not the same as I was when I was a teenager or adolescent. Yes, getting unlocks, secrets, and achieving things are great and all, but as for gaming, I don't do as much as I once did and even then, much less serious about it (barring some exceptions of course) as an adult than when I was a kid.
Anyways, this story was to illustrate that even as far back as I was an adolescent, CTB came to my mind due to life circumstances and such. I did mention that also during the time I lacked proper methods and also proper information (as well as lack of research) so while I was determined and would definitely have the drive towards CTB, it might not have been a good result due to high chance of failure (poor execution of method, lack of proper materials and such to be effective, etc.). However, I would think if I had the same knowledge, logic, and means that I do when I was an adult, I would certainly have chosen to CTB instead of coping especially knowing that I'm avoiding all the extra years of suffering (could save me almost two decades or sentience and more) that I've been through.
So here is the story. It was during one of my most tumultuous times where my parents were very strict (my father more so) and of course, I wasn't doing well at school and school life was in the shitter too (bullying, alienation, etc.) I won't get into all the details because that's not what this story if mainly about (I will stay on thread, on topic more), but rather another developmental event that was the foundation of my view and stance on CTB. So during one of the lowest times as an adolescence, I mentioned to C about how it would just be better if I CTB'd and stuff (again, keep in mind this is adolescent TAW, not adult TAW, nor the TAW of the recent past or present, but decades ago). C said "Well if you CTB'd, you'd miss out on blah blah video game unlocks, or other video game secrets, etc."
Keep in mind during that time I was more focused on coping than the long term and I was an adolescent, so my access to means and also critical thinking weren't quite there yet. Therefore, I would think that even if I had the means to CTB (which I did not and also the Internet (early to mid 2000's) wasn't as helpful or comprehensive at the time so method information may be more limited than say in the late 2010's or later on, and possibly also been difficult at such times. I would speculate and possibly deduce that had I been more prepared and possibly had the same knowledge I did now and known the future, I would have forgone the copes and just skip all the bullshit that is adult life and life itself. As someone in adulthood, while I do enjoy video games, it was not the same as I was when I was a teenager or adolescent. Yes, getting unlocks, secrets, and achieving things are great and all, but as for gaming, I don't do as much as I once did and even then, much less serious about it (barring some exceptions of course) as an adult than when I was a kid.
Anyways, this story was to illustrate that even as far back as I was an adolescent, CTB came to my mind due to life circumstances and such. I did mention that also during the time I lacked proper methods and also proper information (as well as lack of research) so while I was determined and would definitely have the drive towards CTB, it might not have been a good result due to high chance of failure (poor execution of method, lack of proper materials and such to be effective, etc.). However, I would think if I had the same knowledge, logic, and means that I do when I was an adult, I would certainly have chosen to CTB instead of coping especially knowing that I'm avoiding all the extra years of suffering (could save me almost two decades or sentience and more) that I've been through.
