Before and After

[RecycledAtoms]

Please share your before and after thoughts of a failed attempt. How did you feel and what went through your mind the moment before you attempted? Then, how did you feel and what went through your mind when you realized it was a failure? I've been considering CTB for quite some time. I have even researched many methods. But I haven't come to that definitive decision yet. So, I'd like to know what to expect should I attempt and fail. Thanks.

 

[AlexM]

I'll try. Considering taken one month. The moment before - come on man, just do it, that will bring relief. And then - dude, you blew it, try to be saved. Actually it was the most disgusting sanse in my life. It shockes and destroys psyche.

 

[Jen0804]

Following

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Before....
calm, contented and prepared, ready, no fear,
During can be seen here: During the attempt
After... Hell, stuck, afraid, annoyed I didn't take that final step, angry at myself, wanting to try again but having to wait, no guilt no shame, nothing but desperation, hatred for this life, hatred for being made to live longer

 

[CaptainT]

Before: actually very calm, at peace, zen - maybe cos of benzo/booze mix, had spent the day accepting my fate

After: woke up extremely pissed off, angry, feeling lower than before because of failure. Worried about CO damage

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-failed-with-co-method-last-night.25448/

 

[metalchic_74]

I think I was in state of psychosis prior to my attempt. I really don't remember getting in the tub or slicing my arms. I do remember waking up in the hospital kinda in shock. I couldn't believe I did this or that I survived. This was 2 years ago I've been in a severe depression ever since. There's not one day that I don't think about ctb

 

[WhiteDespair]

Please share your before and after thoughts of a failed attempt. How did you feel and what went through your mind the moment before you attempted? Then, how did you feel and what went through your mind when you realized it was a failure? I've been considering CTB for quite some time. I have even researched many methods. But I haven't come to that definitive decision yet. So, I'd like to know what to expect should I attempt and fail. Thanks.

The two "accidental" blackouts I had were what I would consider real attempts.

The first, I felt awesome when I woke in detox because I nearly died. Then, I felt absolutely awful. The second, I felt absolutely awful when I woke and realized that I really fucked up, that I was and inconvenience and that I was trying to die.

A couple of years later, I'm here. Meh.

 

[RecycledAtoms]

Thanks for all the responses. It is helping me to put things into better perspective for myself.