goredpet
buying time on minimum wage
- Jan 11, 2025
- 7
i ended up losing all of my friends, not entirely, but i haven't seen a single one in over a year. i've tried reaching out multiple times, but i can tell they don't want to talk to me anymore. we just grew up together so it's hard for them to completely remove me. it's now been months since ive spoke to them.
i have a boyfriend but he's expressed multiple times now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. he can't stand to be with an alcoholic and i can't stand this life without alcohol. the only reason he's still here is he's worried i would hurt myself if he left. which i probably would, but ill never tell him that. i love him so much, and i love what used to be my friends too. i always miss them. life gets lonely quick.
i've tried making new friends, but i have horrible social anxiety and every time i talk im reminded of why i don't talk anymore. i overshare everything and people aren't comfortable with that. i disgust myself every time. i can see the flaws i have but i struggle so much to correct them, and it seems that the lonelier i get, the worse i become in all aspects.
it doesn't help that ive also been failing to take care of myself as a result of the lack of excitement for life. i rarely brush my teeth, rarely wash my clothes, rarely shower, and have been sleeping in a bed full of every bodily fluid you can name for the last 6 months.
i always smell like vomit, body odor, sweat, blood, alcohol, and whatever else i happen to be writhing around in that day. between that and the uncomfortable situations i accidentally create for people, i don't blame them for not wanting anything to do with me. but that never makes it any less depressing.
i have a boyfriend but he's expressed multiple times now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. he can't stand to be with an alcoholic and i can't stand this life without alcohol. the only reason he's still here is he's worried i would hurt myself if he left. which i probably would, but ill never tell him that. i love him so much, and i love what used to be my friends too. i always miss them. life gets lonely quick.
i've tried making new friends, but i have horrible social anxiety and every time i talk im reminded of why i don't talk anymore. i overshare everything and people aren't comfortable with that. i disgust myself every time. i can see the flaws i have but i struggle so much to correct them, and it seems that the lonelier i get, the worse i become in all aspects.
it doesn't help that ive also been failing to take care of myself as a result of the lack of excitement for life. i rarely brush my teeth, rarely wash my clothes, rarely shower, and have been sleeping in a bed full of every bodily fluid you can name for the last 6 months.
i always smell like vomit, body odor, sweat, blood, alcohol, and whatever else i happen to be writhing around in that day. between that and the uncomfortable situations i accidentally create for people, i don't blame them for not wanting anything to do with me. but that never makes it any less depressing.
