Being suicidal is a lonely existence even towards the end

[FireFox]

Outside this forum everyday I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to nor connect with over my problems and anxieties. When I was depressed at 21 nobody in my life wanted to listen. The family didn't want to listen, my closet university friend in my undergraduate law class eventually avoided me when I mentioned I was suicidal and the NHS was not accessible to me so I gave up trying to get help because of the barriers

At 27 all I know is I am dying in my 30s because I finally got tired of it all. Society really lied us telling us life is worth living and its beautiful. There is no answer to whether life is worth it. It all depends on the perspective of the individual. For example a severely disabled person may feel their existence is not worth living but another severely disabled person may not agree. Perspectives vary which is why it is wrong to say life is worth living.

If you dare have this belief people and society accuse you being "ungrateful" because other people will give anything to live excuse me????? This kind of attitude is why people don't seek help if they are mentally struggling.

Being suicidal the urge to leave your body and mental state is so strong. It's so lonely to fight. I have been fighting it for years and years now I can't fight it anymore. I wake up everyday and when I look in the mirror I don't want to me anymore,

I can't stop crying anymore and I feel like I am drowning. I really wanted to live and be happy. Frequent disappointments in my 20s has made me feel more and more life is not for me. I feel like I am error in God or universes creation because of struggling to find my place in the world. I don't want to leave my family behind. I am very close to my little sister who is in her teens..

When you are suicidal you exist in this world alone and you exit this world alone.

 

[requiemforadream]

I love you. Please stay. Sorry I am drunk.

 

[dontwakemeup]

The misconception of suicidal people are we have severly mental illnesses, weak and give up so easily. I wish people could understand us. It's so hard to continue to live. We suffer so much in silence, it's such a lonely life! If we cry too much, it's no normal. If we are honest and share our thoughts with our loved ones, they call us crazy or get us committed. I wish I had something to say to give you hope, to somehow make you feel better because I would. What I will say is I hope tomorrow is better for you One day this will all be over and we can sleep forever. I wish those around you could understand you but death makes most uncomfortable.

We understand you here. You are safe to say whatever you want here.

I noticed you spoke about people with disabilities and how people try to compare the two. I dislike that because when people do that are discrediting and minimizing your pain. I under their rationale of thinking but it's simply inappropriate and they need to stop! Whatever you're dealing with is that. If you say your issue is causing you distress who gets to tell you it's worth? Congratulations to that person with 1 leg that found peace in their situation and is now traveling the world, but it's not you! In college we had to watch all those Tedtalks and I'm sorry, I couldn't relate to them and I'm sure they never could relate to my situation.

Just remember, you are important, you're strong, and to have SI's and still continue trying takes a lot of strength and courage.

I wish you the best.

 

[FireFox]

I love you. Please stay. Sorry I am drunk.

@requiemforadream you are very sweet. I love your profile picture :)

 

[TheHolySword]

I destroyed so much because I wanted to CTB, because I knew I was going to. This is the loneliest I've ever been in my life and it's going to last until I die. I was so alone inside before because of where I was. Now I truly am alone because of it all. No one really understands why I did it all, and it doesn't matter because there's no going back. I'm going to live the rest of my life alone, I'm going to die alone. Just a few more months of this.

 

[requiemforadream]

I destroyed so much because I wanted to CTB, because I knew I was going to. This is the loneliest I've ever been in my life and it's going to last until I die. I was so alone inside before because of where I was. Now I truly am alone because of it all. No one really understands why I did it all, and it doesn't matter because there's no going back. I'm going to live the rest of my life alone, I'm going to die alone. Just a few more months of this.

U're not alone. I see you.

 

[needthebus]

Outside this forum everyday I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to nor connect with over my problems and anxieties. When I was depressed at 21 nobody in my life wanted to listen. The family didn't want to listen, my closet university friend in my undergraduate law class eventually avoided me when I mentioned I was suicidal and the NHS was not accessible to me so I gave up trying to get help because of the barriers

At 27 all I know is I am dying in my 30s because I finally got tired of it all. Society really lied us telling us life is worth living and its beautiful. There is no answer to whether life is worth it. It all depends on the perspective of the individual. For example a severely disabled person may feel their existence is not worth living but another severely disabled person may not agree. Perspectives vary which is why it is wrong to say life is worth living.

If you dare have this belief people and society accuse you being "ungrateful" because other people will give anything to live excuse me????? This kind of attitude is why people don't seek help if they are mentally struggling.

Being suicidal the urge to leave your body and mental state is so strong. It's so lonely to fight. I have been fighting it for years and years now I can't fight it anymore. I wake up everyday and when I look in the mirror I don't want to me anymore,

I can't stop crying anymore and I feel like I am drowning. I really wanted to live and be happy. Frequent disappointments in my 20s has made me feel more and more life is not for me. I feel like I am error in God or universes creation because of struggling to find my place in the world. I don't want to leave my family behind. I am very close to my little sister who is in her teens..

When you are suicidal you exist in this world alone and you exit this world alone.

i wish we were friends

you're so right about this

you're one of two people on here who i thought should be writers

or if not writers, just something. i always like your voice or style of writing. it's so genuine. i've indicated this before but i think others would like your style too.

 

[niki wonoto]

I feel like I am error in God or universes creation because of struggling to find my place in the world.

As a 42 years old male from Indonesia, I deeply relate with this sentence very much. It's like my life is so ironic, tragic, & even absurd, ridiculous, random, stupid, pathetic anomaly 'outlier' existence of a an useless loser/failure, & waste of space/oxygen that should not exist, yet still exist anyway. All just because there is no easy & painless way to stop existing in this cruel, cold, limiting, unfair, mundane, absurd, chaotic, meaningless, stupid, & depressing world/society/life/existence/reality.

 

[Tig]

Being suicidal the urge to leave your body and mental state is so strong. It's so lonely to fight. I have been fighting it for years and years now I can't fight it anymore. I wake up everyday and when I look in the mirror I don't want to me anymore

I know how you feel,
Personally I dread every day, knowing that nothing will change and that face in the mirror gets older and more emotionally disturbing every day.
I'm less than a month from CTB, and get a feeling of relief every day, just a little.
It is a very lonely existence though,