Venting being ugly sucks

[no.hope]

fuck I hate looking like such a midget my whole life , I've talked to so many therapists online who just gave up and referred me to the next one
I lost the little confidence i had when i was a kid after getting bullied by both guys and girls for being ugly , I know it's real because even to this day people will say it without saying it that I look ugly in weird ways and without any prompt. my face looks like a protruding bulging ball sack . I'm not wealthy enough to afford plastic surgery CTB sounds like the only choice.

It kills me in knowing I'll be a alone my whole

 

[bitcrushing]

yeah, body dysmorphia is kinda hellish when you know for a fact that it's not all just in your head. the lack of any kind of affirmation from other people because of something that's completely out of your control really fucks with your head, us being social creatures and seeking approval from our peers and all.

in my own case, i hole myself up in my room outside of college as much as possible and focus on interests that can be done in solitude or without having to show my face to others, but you can only go for so long living like a hermit and avoiding people. the loneliness and lack of face-to-face connection does get to you after a while.