Venting Bf’s ex died from SN

[bpdbun]

I recently started dating this guy who has been absolutely wonderful, and truly everything I need and want in a partner. On one of our first dates though he told me that his ex fiancée died by suicide….using SN. I of course didn't press for details but I had a silent panic attack and immediately started crying. Now I'm carrying so much guilt because when I get paid next week I plan on buying SN. It's been on my mind for years, and I just want to have it on hand before it gets even harder to get.

I feel so guilty. Can you imagine losing not one person but two to the same exact uncommon thing???? What are the fucking odds. I really adore him, but suicidal ideation has been a part of my life for so long I sadly don't think his love is enough to keep it at bay.

Is it selfish if I stay with him? I'm still kinda in shock. It doesn't help he tells me he hasn't felt this way about anyone since her and that apparently there are things about me that remind him so much of her, like how his dog acts around me. Fuck…

 

[asthedayends00]

If you know that ctb will happen soon then I think it's unfair to him. Unless he knows and is okay with the situation.. you should distance yourself if you plan to ctb.

 

[Wonhun]

I recently started dating this guy who has been absolutely wonderful, and truly everything I need and want in a partner. On one of our first dates though he told me that his ex fiancée died by suicide….using SN. I of course didn't press for details but I had a silent panic attack and immediately started crying. Now I'm carrying so much guilt because when I get paid next week I plan on buying SN. It's been on my mind for years, and I just want to have it on hand before it gets even harder to get.

I feel so guilty. Can you imagine losing not one person but two to the same exact uncommon thing???? What are the fucking odds. I really adore him, but suicidal ideation has been a part of my life for so long I sadly don't think his love is enough to keep it at bay.

Is it selfish if I stay with him? I'm still kinda in shock. It doesn't help he tells me he hasn't felt this way about anyone since her and that apparently there are things about me that remind him so much of her, like how his dog acts around me. Fuck…

Why do you care about people that you just met? It is not your problem even if they witness two of the same thing at the same time. Tbh I doubt people really care about people suicide.

 

[Thanatos]

If you are sure on your plan then the right thing to do would be to leave him first.

 

[Wonhun]

If you are sure on your plan then the right thing to do would be to leave him first.

Why you leave such a bad advice? Only bad people encourage break up and ditch people instead of fixing it.
I am sad that we live in this world have too few bpd.

 

[Thanatos]

Why you leave such a bad advise? Only bad people break up and ditch people.

That's not at all true... There are plenty of valid reasons to end a relationship. Many of which wouldn't make someone a "bad" person. Also wouldn't ctb be "ditching" them anyway?
You are free to disagree but I wholeheartedly believe that if one truly loves someone and plans on suicide, then they should distance themselves to mitigate the pain of the loss as much as possible.
Also I see from your other comment here that you seem to be projecting a bit. You don't care about other people if you don't know them so why expect anything different in return?
Just because we suffer doesn't mean we should haphazardly share that suffering with others.

 

[Wonhun]

That's not at all true... There are plenty of valid reasons to end a relationship. Many of which wouldn't make someone a "bad" person. Also wouldn't ctb be "ditching" them anyway?
You are free to disagree but I wholeheartedly believe that if one truly loves someone and plans on suicide, then they should distance themselves to mitigate the pain of the loss as much as possible.
Also I see from your other comment here that you seem to be projecting a bit. You don't care about other people if you don't know them so why expect anything different in return?
Just because we suffer doesn't mean we should haphazardly share that suffering with others.

Embrace the pain like a man, don't be a pussy. I just don't get why people is allowed to heal and forget when they got inflicted with damage. It is just not fair.
I cut myself to keep my wound fresh. Untying the bell on the tiger's neck requires the person who fastened the bell.

 

[Thanatos]

Embrace the pain like a man, don't be a pussy. I just don't get why people is allowed to heal and forget when they got inflicted with damage. It is just not fair.
I cut myself to keep my wound fresh. Untying the bell on the tiger's neck requires the person who fastened the bell.

I don't understand your logic. Nothing in life is fair, get over it and "be a man" lol. You want everyone to be just as miserable as you? How can you believe that and have the audacity to call other people "bad"?

 

[Wonhun]

I don't understand your logic. Nothing in life is fair, get over it and "be a man" lol. You want everyone to be just as miserable as you? How can you believe that and have the audacity to call other people "bad"?

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

The instrinsic nature of this world is lethality for every single mistake. Prey get eaten by predator if they cannot fight off or outrun from other. Host is killed by deadly disease because of their incapability of their body.

 

[Thanatos]

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

The instrinsic nature of this world is lethality for every single mistake. Prey get eaten by predator if they cannot fight off or outrun from other. Host is killed by deadly disease because of their incapability of their body.

I don't see how that's relevant to the conversation. I agree with most of your statements. It doesn't seem like her bf is trying to avoid faults or is "weak" so what does that have to do with this situation?

P.S. Sorry to OP, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I wish you the best.

 

[Dot]

I recently started dating this guy who has been absolutely wonderful, and truly everything I need and want in a partner. On one of our first dates though he told me that his ex fiancée died by suicide….using SN. I of course didn't press for details but I had a silent panic attack and immediately started crying. Now I'm carrying so much guilt because when I get paid next week I plan on buying SN. It's been on my mind for years, and I just want to have it on hand before it gets even harder to get.

I feel so guilty. Can you imagine losing not one person but two to the same exact uncommon thing???? What are the fucking odds. I really adore him, but suicidal ideation has been a part of my life for so long I sadly don't think his love is enough to keep it at bay.

Is it selfish if I stay with him? I'm still kinda in shock. It doesn't help he tells me he hasn't felt this way about anyone since her and that apparently there are things about me that remind him so much of her, like how his dog acts around me. Fuck…

Aftr ur bf hs alrdy gne thru tht thn imo = imprtnt 2 b opn wth hm s/ tht h/ knws wht h/ = gttng in2

Losng sme1 = alwys dffclt bt suicde = 'specl' typ of trma - & tht persn = lookng fr futre wth sme1 frm wht u r hve bn sayng

Losng 2 partnrs t/ suicde = unthinkble fr n.e1 tbh & lovng sme1 = abt puttng thr welfre ovr ur own if th/ situatn = callng fr tht

 

[rainwillneverstop]

@Wonhun I got a feeling that like somebody else already said, you're using this thread to project. Your points are also getting further and further away from what OP is talking about.
Either way, this is a vent thread and your wording is really not helpful to anyone.

If there's some things you wanna vent, make a thread but don't hijack OP's and use them as a target for it.

 

[bpdbun]

Aftr ur bf hs alrdy gne thru tht thn imo = imprtnt 2 b opn wth hm s/ tht h/ knws wht h/ = gttng in2

Losng sme1 = alwys dffclt bt suicde = 'specl' typ of trma - & tht persn = lookng fr futre wth sme1 frm wht u r hve bn sayng

Losng 2 partnrs t/ suicde = unthinkble fr n.e1 tbh & lovng sme1 = abt puttng thr welfre ovr ur own if th/ situatn = callng fr tht

respectfully, why are you typing like that? It's nearly impossible to read

If you know that ctb will happen soon then I think it's unfair to him. Unless he knows and is okay with the situation.. you should distance yourself if you plan to ctb.

You are right. I don't have an immediate plan, but I think it would be best to distance now before we both fall too deep

Why do you care about people that you just met? It is not your problem even if they witness two of the same thing at the same time. Tbh I doubt people really care about people suicide.

I met him long before starting to date him. But even if I didn't, I care about anyone I meet. I get when we are suicidal we stop caring about the world, but you seem to lack serious compassion.

If you are sure on your plan then the right thing to do would be to leave him first.

This is what I needed to hear, thank you. I don't have a solid plan on when, but I know it will eventually happen. I struggle to leave people as I don't like causing pain, but I do think leaving him now would be a lot less painful than leaving him later once we are more emotionally attached. I guess, selfishly, I would just like to experience a relationship that fulfills me before I go, but there's no point if I'll be dust soon.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

respectfully, why are you typing like that? It's nearly impossible to read

It's on her profile, a trauma made her develop deep fear of herself, to the point her own inner voice makes her panic. Changing the typing is the only way to avoid that. Please, be kind to her.

Translated version:

After your boyfriend has already gone through that then in my opinion is important to be open with him so that he knows what he is getting into.

Losing someone is always difficult but suicide is a 'special' type of trauma - and that person is looking for future with someone from what you have been saying.

Losing two partners to suicide is unthinkable for anyone to be honest and loving someone is about putting their welfare over your own if the situation is calling for that.

As others said, leaving them is the best way to prevent more grief. Losing someone isn't the trauma, it's doing so while there was still love. When it ends, death is perceived very differently and people often live with that. It's always a matter of moving on regardless when it happens.

 

[nir]

I would be more open with him about it, tbh. It would be awful for him if you die of SN and he thinks *he* was the person to introduce you to it, you know? Maybe have a conversation at a later date saying you have also thought about this method long before you met him.

That way, if you do die eventually of SN, he won't be blaming himself for being the person to first tell you about it.

However, I don't think you necessarily need to rush any of this - the SN buying, the breaking up with him, etc. If you are in a relationship that is making you happy, and life is feeling somewhat bearable, I don't think it's a bad thing to delay things by a bit to see if the increase in serotonin and dopamine help with the general malaise of living.

I would still have a talk with him if you plan to stay with him, but I don't think you need to rush anything else atp. However, I know that is definitely easier said than done, and that this is a very hard situation for you. I wish both of you well <3

 

[bpdbun]

It's on her profile, a trauma made her develop deep fear of herself, to the point her own inner voice makes her panic. Changing the typing is the only way to avoid that. Please, be kind to her.

Translated version:


As others said, leaving them is the best way to prevent more grief. Losing someone isn't the trauma, it's doing so while there was still love. When it ends, death is perceived very differently and people often live with that. It's always a matter of moving on regardless when it happens.

Oops, I should start paying more attention to icons/profiles. I'm just neurodivergent and am not good at reading things unless they're fully typed out, no disrespect meant at all.

Thank you for your input, it was very helpful and I agree with you.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me tell u thing f care prsn no let know hpn 2time sn mayb mss brain this tell u evn psbl dementi this rly thing ppl no know human brain this make cncdnc many time no know hpn wat ,human no awr lif v cmplx no know hpn wat say sn say sn othr prsn no know hpn wat, this prblm also cz human prolif no gv mthd no thing mayb prsn hpn mss poor prsn no hav mthd, this no u flt this species flt species crul, need crfl v sry hpn all, u rly v nice prsn care

 

[deadstillwalking]

This is the most horrifying scenario I've seen on this forum...

 

[bpdbun]

This is the most horrifying scenario I've seen on this forum...

I'm still a bit shocked. Like, what a weird coincidence. And of course it's with a guy where we both feel like our connection is ancient as if we were together in a past life. Uggh

 

[CTB Dream]

I'm still a bit shocked. Like, what a weird coincidence. And of course it's with a guy where we both feel like our connection is ancient as if we were together in a past life. Uggh

Me know exct feel cnct prsn etc , me know this unvrs unq flw, me injury damage many many cncdnc hpn add injury damage this me no 1 2 cncdnc this lrg nmbr me no psbl cnt, aftr hpn injury damage time pass pass aftr hpn 1 cncdnc this make lose consi can posbl kll, see 1 add lrg nmbr hpn wat

 

[Ww42]

It's totally unfair to them, it's going to add to their trauma and probably cause them not to pursue love for a very long time out of fear they will meet another person who will inevitably leave them (whether it be suicide or some other form). If you truly want to die, you need to cut that person off now before they develop any deeper feelings for you because it's cruel to give this person that much trauma

 

[antony]

Unlucky guy. I hope he finds someone else who doesn't. But I also think that everything happens for a reason. A man who only attracted women with suicidal ideation. He must have some kind of energy thats hes not doing good to him.