So my birthday is happening in a few days and for some reason I can't get it out of my head that I don't want to live to see it. I can't bear getting older, I want to CTB before I start to feel the effects of aging. I also can't bear all the things I've lost - my family, my marriage, my job, my car, my house and my freedom and the weight of what I i was subjected to growing up is too much to carry. I'll never achieve what I wanted to achieve at my age... I can't see the point. Does anyone else feel like this?
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Birthdays are really hard to get through. I only started to get really serious about ctb as I approached and then past my birthday.
I hope you manage to ctb before your birthday :) or otherwise find peace.
I hope you manage to ctb before your birthday :) or otherwise find peace.
Thoughtforms
Experienced
- Nov 1, 2018
- 220
My birthday is end of jan so I want to ctb before then. I've been depressed every on birthday since 17. Always feared getting old. Turning 30 was the worst one.
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
I will be gone before mine at end of February. Still planning on the end of the year.
NumbItAll
expendable
- May 20, 2018
- 1,108
My last couple birthdays have resulted in extreme anxiety and despair. I do not want any attention and I certainly don't want any accolades for surviving another miserable orbit. I hope I don't make it to the next one!
Sinbad
Self-Annihilation is loading...95%
- Nov 27, 2018
- 542
My birthday is coming up in a week and my family is most likely preparing something. They noticed my depression and how I withdrew myself from them and others. This is bothering me immensely.
I wish I could tell them I am killing myself soon so it's freaking pointless to invest any of your feelings in this nothing for good trash can full of shit.
But I can't do that I know my father. He will put me in a mental institute by force. We had a discussion about suicide before.
I wish I could tell them I am killing myself soon so it's freaking pointless to invest any of your feelings in this nothing for good trash can full of shit.
But I can't do that I know my father. He will put me in a mental institute by force. We had a discussion about suicide before.
Birthdays are the worst, they're just yearly reminders of an unwanted existence that I can't break free from.
