Bottomless goddamn pit

[neitherherenorthere]

I've used food (or lack thereof) as a coping mechanism for a very long time and I'm back in not-quite-full-swing binge mode again. It doesn't even make me feel better, I just dissociate for a while and essentially lose control of my body while I eat, and then feel like shit when I'm done. I hate it. All it does is intensify my sense of self-loathing and disgust, which just feeds (hah) back into the cycle of overeating. It's a fucking ouroboros of bad coping mechanisms.

I know it's because of stuff coming up in therapy and some personal things that are going on, and it's probably made worse by a bunch of recent medication changes, but I can't seem to do anything about it and that's incredibly frustrating. It's distressing, but I'm too tired to try to do better or even care enough to try. I'm thinking I should just start drinking a ton of water, so hopefully I start having a sense of satiety again (which seems to have disappeared and now I can just eat forever), and take more klonopin so I'm at least a little more chill, or ideally asleep for more of the day.

Mostly just venting but if anyone has any suggestions that have helped them in similar circumstances that'd be appreciated.

 

[signifying nothing]

What you're going through sounds really difficult. I'm wondering if for you the therapy is maybe going a bit too fast, so you are unable to properly process all the things coming up and its all overwhelming you? Also, I wonder what kind of support do you have outside of therapy, as supportive friends and/or family are important in terms of helping to go through things and keep you feeling stable and grounded.

Other than that it might just be you need to get through this bad patch (like you say maybe the change in meds could be part of it) before things improve. Keep going and keep venting if you need to, that's what these forums are here for.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

Thank you for responding, it really means a lot. I hadn't considered that re: therapy. I'll talk to my therapist about going in a different direction for a while and maybe that will calm things down. My family and friends are definitely supportive... but I feel uncomfortable actually confiding in them on more than just a superficial level. Ironically, trying to become more comfortable with that is what's causing a lot of the emotional distress I'm feeling right now.

Mentioning staying grounded reminded me that it'd be good for me to start doing yoga again. Nothing fancy, but it's enough to keep me out of my head for half an hour or so.

And I'll keep venting, since I have your permission ;P

 

[AvaAdore]

Drinking water sounds like a good idea. Maybe set a rule you have to drink 3 glasses of water before you start eating.