Burden?

[itsallover]

Does anyone else feel like a burden? I haven't been able to contribute like I was financially when I lost my health and ability to work last year. Now I get by on a small disability checks and very few food stamps. They should be higher, but I don't even have the energy to fight it anymore. I feel like I have exhausted my family with all the doctor appointments and treatments. That is a common theme in suicide videos I have watched where people feel like a burden and feel that their families would be better of without them? I can relate to them? Does anyone else feel the same way?

 

[Volatile]

I do. I can't work due to psych and health issues. Parents have to dig in their savings to help me. CTB would free them of the cost

 

[Saraphin]

I definitely feel like a burden to my husband family etc, chronically ill from medical mistake and bedridden almost three years can't work can't drive unable to even make my own meals I hate feeling this way...it's not my main reason for wanting to die (that would be my health and endless suffering) but it does add to it...

 

[ScaredOfLife]

I feel like a burden all the time. I feel like I bring everyone else down. I try to pretend to be happy around people but sometimes I slip up and let them know how I'm really feeling. My poor husband sees me in bed from depression all day and night. How can he live a life of happiness when his wife lives in the bed? I never should have brought a man into my life when I have a mental illness. I was upfront with him the first day I met him, but still, I feel like it was selfish of me to bring a man into my life.

 

[Comatose11]

I do. I have a part time job but worry about ever being fully independent. I don't want to be a leech.

 

[comfortablydumb]

No, I am currently out of work, mainly due to psych issues. But I expect to come back. I have no physical health issues holding me up.

In any case, I'm "blessed" with not worrying about being a burden. The idea that "We don't choose to be born." or "I was born against my will." is often mentioned on this forum, usually as a justification for choosing to leave this world in spite of how it will make family and friends feel. Well, if we don't choose to be born, then no need to feel bad about being a burden.

I would probably feel different if I lived in a country without a social safety net. Being obligated to devote one's life to caring for a chronically ill or elderly relative seems pretty miserable, and I think I would feel guilty if I was the one being cared for.

 

[Gray Wounds]

I am their weight. And they can't just drop me off because they must maintain their social status and dignities or whatever. They made it very clear to me with their actions and words all the time. And I find them very funny.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Does anyone else feel like a burden? I haven't been able to contribute like I was financially when I lost my health and ability to work last year.

The world, including "friends" and family, tells you you are what you DO. They shove the burden-perspective down our throats from the time we're preschoolers. Then when someone who's tried and tried fails and decides it's better to leave, then they read you the insincere, hollow lines about inherent human value.

What most surprises me is the powers-that-be can speak simultaneously out both sides of their mouths but still believe their own contradictions.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Well, if we don't choose to be born, then no need to feel bad about being a burden. ... I would probably feel different if I lived in a country without a social safety net. Being obligated to devote one's life to caring for a chronically ill or elderly relative seems pretty miserable, and I think I would feel guilty if I was the one being cared for.

This. Sadly, I do live in a country without an effective social safety net. On the bright side, I've no one in my life--not even a houseplant. And I have a car so can drive off a cliff if all else fails. :)