UselessBeing
Member
- Sep 3, 2021
- 48
TW for sexual abuse and r@pe.
No I never fucking asked for it. ANY OF IT. I SCREAMED. I fought, I begged, I cried, I hid, I locked doors, I prayed I played dead. I'd act sick, I did ANYTHING IN HOPES IT WOULD END!
Let me tell you what it's like to constantly have your body on display. What does a 5 year old know? Barely anything. What are 5 year olds worried about? Who to color with. When will blues clues be on?
Wanna know what 5 like was for me? Wondering why a family member snuck into my room every night to pull off my clothes and tell me its fine to touch me but can't tell cause its a joke I'll get in trouble for.
This happened everyday. When I was 10 it was getting worse. Showering is the worst thing in the world to any 10 year old right? But what 10 year old is scared to death to take a shower? I got wise. Thought something was off about being touched so much. But being screamed at was worse. I wanted to tell on them. They knew I wanted to though so I got beat. You think I wanted that? It didn't stop til I was 12. But by then I had more than 1 person touching me. I was a toy to be passed around.
I didn't asked to be raped at 19/20. I said no. I screamed no I tried to fight. But I wanted it right? I wanted to have my mouth pissed in and then get beat after lol. You know nothing.
Do you know what its like having to tell doctors that you might cry and scream during a physical exam? Especially at 25 and they just laugh at you and tell you it mustn't have really happened. Do you know what its like to have it on your doctors record "claims they were raped and that it justifies their outbursts" when the worst I've done is sob loudly? Do you know what its like to have a doctor see that on your record then proceeds to rape you themselves? But I asked for that to happen right?
Im 25. My body has been on display since I was 5. My body is not my own. Its damaged boiling tar that I can never wash off.
The moment I finally stop feeling their hands on me is the moment the bus finally picked me up.
No I never fucking asked for it. ANY OF IT. I SCREAMED. I fought, I begged, I cried, I hid, I locked doors, I prayed I played dead. I'd act sick, I did ANYTHING IN HOPES IT WOULD END!
Let me tell you what it's like to constantly have your body on display. What does a 5 year old know? Barely anything. What are 5 year olds worried about? Who to color with. When will blues clues be on?
Wanna know what 5 like was for me? Wondering why a family member snuck into my room every night to pull off my clothes and tell me its fine to touch me but can't tell cause its a joke I'll get in trouble for.
This happened everyday. When I was 10 it was getting worse. Showering is the worst thing in the world to any 10 year old right? But what 10 year old is scared to death to take a shower? I got wise. Thought something was off about being touched so much. But being screamed at was worse. I wanted to tell on them. They knew I wanted to though so I got beat. You think I wanted that? It didn't stop til I was 12. But by then I had more than 1 person touching me. I was a toy to be passed around.
I didn't asked to be raped at 19/20. I said no. I screamed no I tried to fight. But I wanted it right? I wanted to have my mouth pissed in and then get beat after lol. You know nothing.
Do you know what its like having to tell doctors that you might cry and scream during a physical exam? Especially at 25 and they just laugh at you and tell you it mustn't have really happened. Do you know what its like to have it on your doctors record "claims they were raped and that it justifies their outbursts" when the worst I've done is sob loudly? Do you know what its like to have a doctor see that on your record then proceeds to rape you themselves? But I asked for that to happen right?
Im 25. My body has been on display since I was 5. My body is not my own. Its damaged boiling tar that I can never wash off.
The moment I finally stop feeling their hands on me is the moment the bus finally picked me up.
