Discussion Can a Leopard change its spots? (Do people really change?)

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose people can change. I quite like watching interviews of celebrities sometimes. Comparing how they respond to the same question when they're young and when they're older. Sometimes, they are obviously annoyed by a question they always get and they respond with a curt reply. As they age, mellow but perhaps also- have less people badgering them for interviews, they respond in a more gentle, joking manner. I'm not sure that's evidence that they've changed but, maybe it is. That they've become softer maybe. More able to handle annoying situations. More aware that they come across better if they respond in a joking manner rather than an aggitated one.

Someone told me once that a person who had bullied me had changed. (I believed them to be a narcissist.) Maybe they didn't do so in as many words. They described how their music taste had changed and said- how funny it was how we all change. Personally though, I wouldn't trust them to have changed. Maybe that's uncharitable but I wouldn't even be willing to give them a chance.

Good job I don't work in the prison service really. I suppose offenders have to be given trust that they can change. I think I'd always be slightly doubtful. I guess it depends on the crime really.

How about you? Have you forgiven former bullies? Were you willing to give them a chance? Have you noticed a change in them?

Do you think you've changed much? I think I've become increasingly pessimistic, cynical and bitter as I've grown older. Not the best qualities to have really. I think a lot of my core beliefs and way of behaving stayed the same though. How about you?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Change is definitely possible, nay even prominent, though it's usually for the worse. I think changing things for the better in oneself is literally an uphill battle. Just because a change happens doesn't mean it has to be permanent either. Any change in anyone can usually be reset though it still trends downward overall.

 

[-less-]

People definitely can change, but not everyone allows themselves to. Some people are too out for themselves and others don't reflect on their actions enough. I know people who've changed for the better and others who've changed for the worse. I feel like I've changed for the better, at least. I was kinda awful when I was a teen, but rather than let that define me going forward, I learned my lessons and realized that a lot of that was related to my own issues, not the people I was taking it out on. I treat people much better now, and that gives me hope for others to change for the better too. But I don't believe in forgiving people before they've shown remorse and that willingness to change, and either way no one is ever owed the forgiveness of others.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

People can change if they want to, but some simply cannot - rapists, pedos, serial killers etc, and I will never accept they can. Once you're a rapist, you're a piece of fucking shit and don't deserve life, and the same goes for the other two I mentioned.

 

[Chinaski]

Yes they do but there's no damascene conversion, people mature, gain perspectives, react slower whilst simultaneously burning out. Core personality remains, but reactions change. I'm very different to how i was ten years ago however i am also very much the same.

 

[noname223]

Gladly, I never met my bullies again. And I want that this remains. I would not give them a second chance too scared to get hurt again. The worst seemed to be sort of psychopaths. But I also don't want that their lives are ruined. It is hard to forgive them when I see all the damage and pain they have caused in me.
Today I just got the news a friend of mine (who I sort of ghosted) becomes a dad. He annoyed me about bragging about sex with women. One reason why I stopped the contact with him. I would give him a second chance. But I am so ashamed how there is barely any progress in my life. And what I have become since. Too scared to text message him.

 

[Chinaski]

Today I just got the news a friend of mine (who I sort of ghosted) becomes a dad. He annoyed me about bragging about sex with women.

NONAME233'S FRIEND: hi jsyk i am now a proud father of a beautiful child

NONAME233: stop bragging about impregnating people asshole, ghosting u rn

 

[noname223]

NONAME233'S FRIEND: hi jsyk i am now a proud father of a beautiful child

NONAME233: stop bragging about impregnating people asshole, ghosting u rn

I am really offended I am noname223 and not noname233. Smh. Is this a shot at me because I admitted I once called you accidentally chinsaki in my head? Lol. Irony off.

He once was that immature two or three years ago. It was not really the bragging how cool it is so sleep with women. He rather made an offensive comment about the outer appreance of his girlfriend (if I remember correctly?) and said something like. It (her appearance) was enough to fuck her. (not for much more). And this was toxic behavior towards women which me and my friends condemned. We made jokes about him since. I assume though he has changed. But I don't know for sure.

 

[Chinaski]

I am really offended I am noname223 and not noname233. Smh. Is this a shot at me because I admitted I once called you accidentally chinsaki in my head? Lol. Irony off.

Apologies!

He once was that immature two or three years ago. It was not really the bragging how cool it is so sleep with women. He rather made an offensive comment about the outer appreance of his girlfriend (if I remember correctly?) and said something like. It (her appearance) was enough to fuck her. (not for much more). And this was toxic behavior towards women which me and my friends condemned. We made jokes about him since. I assume though he has changed. But I don't know for sure.

As a fellow Respecter of Women i endorse this

 

[Pluto]

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[EternalShore]

Change is definitely possible, nay even prominent, though it's usually for the worse. I think changing things for the better in oneself is literally an uphill battle. Just because a change happens doesn't mean it has to be permanent either. Any change in anyone can usually be reset though it still trends downward overall.

completely agreed~ >_< we were generally our best as children! :( practically everyone at my age is just so revolting, uncaring, and just not that great at all~ :(

 

[CatLvr]

I think people can change because I have done it. It wasn't easy. Took a TON of work, but I am NOT the same person I was before I had children. They definitely changed me for the better.

 

[Namelesa]

I would say I have changed quite a bit. I do try to be a better person and listen to any criticism for my actions and me as a person. When I do something bad whether its something little or big, I feel tons of guilt for it and so try not to do it again as I don't want to hurt people that don't deserve to be mistreated. I will say that when I was younger I was a pro-suicider but thankful I have changed from that.

 

[nogods4me]

Some categories of people are known to change their core characteristics extremely infrequently, as already mentioned above in what I see as a non-exhaustive list. If those core characteristics are objectively undesirable it is irrational to convince oneself that those who display them are actually great people who should not be excluded from anyone's life.