Venting Can anyone here relate to "normal" (not mentally or physically in pain) people?

[Dog Food]

I tried to enter the dating game a little while ago with a guy who seemed very kind and had a similar taste in music to mine, who I met on Tinder. (I know it's cruel to start dating someone when I'm planning on killing myself in April, but I'm a piece of shit.)

Anyway, for the entire time, he was talking on and on about things an ideal me would be interested in. But I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd rather be home cutting. Except for classes and work, this is the first time I've left my home in months. Anyone else have this experience?

 

[Dean]

Well to be honest no one really is "Normal". Everyone feels like they are abnormal in some way at some point. I will say though most people do not really reach the rock bottom point of honestly considering suicide and going through with it. Although I really hate life, at the very least I can say that I have a perspective that most people don't. Most people never ask themselves the bigger questions of life like "Why am I here", "Why am I working 8 hours a day to live in a house, what makes the bank more entitled to this house and this piece of land than me", or "Why is it that we keep pumping out more babies when most of us are unable to deal with our own problems".

 

[Nofaith]

I tried to enter the dating game a little while ago with a guy who seemed very kind and had a similar taste in music to mine, who I met on Tinder. (I know it's cruel to start dating someone when I'm planning on killing myself in April, but I'm a piece of shit.)

Anyway, for the entire time, he was talking on and on about things an ideal me would be interested in. But I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd rather be home cutting. Except for classes and work, this is the first time I've left my home in months. Anyone else have this experience?

Don't give yourself a hard time. It's just dating. You haven't made a commitment yet and said "I do". Nothing wrong with testing the waters. Who knows you might find someone worthwhile talking to.

On my experience the more I left the house to socialise, the less intrusive the dark thoughts were, when out and about.

 

[Jolene40]

Before my physical illnesses when I was relatively healthy, I'd be totally side tracked alot of the time if meeting a guy - mainly due to being in a bout of depression or anxiety.
I think you should be kinder to yourself, think about you. You aren't bad at all for dating someone if you plan to kill yourself. You owe these people nothing at this point honestly.
Do what you need to do to get through the day and if random dates help distract you even for a second them just do it. You are not harming anyone or doing anything bad.
Don't punish yourself for trying to get through the day.