Can I admit something?

[Kringle's Curse]

Sooo, I have a fucked up secret. I have a cousin that I'm super attracted to, and I can't control my feelings about it. I know it's wrong and weird and all that, but I can't help it. Which makes me feel even more confused and suicidal. Every time I talk to her, I fight the urge to tell her. This makes me hate myself even more and it certainly doesn't help the main reason why I want to ctb...so lost and confused...

Please don't judge me, I'm sorry :(

 

[spanishguy22]

People blow incest way out of proportion anyway. May as well ask. we Alabama now

 

[Alchemist]

I don't see anything wrong with that, you don't choose with whom you fall in love. It only worries me if it's reciprocated because there's nothing more painful than unrequited love.

 

[Ruffian]

Yeah, I had a crush on 2 of my cousins growing up...sometimes 3. I rarely saw them. My best friend always jokes about her "inappropriate cousin crushes" too. If you don't see a lotta people IRL, it's going to happen. Even my gay friend tells me he thinks his one cousin is hot.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

Yeah, I had a crush on 2 of my cousins growing up...sometimes 3. I rarely saw them. My best friend always jokes about her "inappropriate cousin crushes" too. If you don't see a lotta people IRL, it's going to happen. Even my gay friend tells me he thinks his one cousin is hot.

That's probably the problem, I don't see enough people IRL. I'm a loser, worthless piece of human garbage.

I don't see anything wrong with that, you don't choose with whom you fall in love. It only worries me if it's reciprocated because there's nothing more painful than unrequited love.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way. Even if she did, I'd still feel wrong and guilty. I need to eat the barrel of a shotgun.

 

[yppah71]

To give you historical context - Charles Darwin, Queen Victoria and Albert Einstein all married first cousins. And Einstein did this while creating the theory of "special relativity" with zero sense of irony or guilt.

I am not saying to to put a ring on it, but don't guilt yourself into a stupor either. Just accept the attraction for what it is (a chemical reaction) and move forward.

 

[Alchemist]

That's probably the problem, I don't see enough people IRL. I'm a loser, worthless piece of human garbage.


I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way. Even if she did, I'd still feel wrong and guilty. I need to eat the barrel of a shotgun.

Listen to me! NEVER feel guilty for falling in love, even if the other person doesn't feel the same way. You deserve to love and be loved in return. If she isn't the one, then you can find another. Also, eating that might be hard to chew, so at least leave for a while in a bowl of milk until it gets soggy.

 

[marcusuk63]

God created only two people, Adam and Eve, and told them to have lots of children—"Fill the earth!" Scripture mentions only three of Adam and Eve's children by name (Cain, Abel, and Seth). However, Genesis 5:4 makes it clear that they had multiple sons and daughters: for people that believe that mumbo jumbo

Listen to me! NEVER feel guilty for falling in love, even if the other person doesn't feel the same way. You deserve to love and be loved in return. If she isn't the one, then you can find another. Also, eating that might be hard to chew, so at least leave for a while in a bowl of milk until it gets soggy.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" || Moulin Rouge

 

[TiredHorse]

Two of my dearest friends, a married couple, are cousins. I think they've been together over 50 years at this point. Several kids, and no birth defects among them. Both of them highly successful scientists. And no, they aren't from the deep south.

My point being, don't beat yourself up over it. It's currently a social taboo to have a relationship that close in consanguinuity, but it wasn't always, and it has dubious genetic basis to be a taboo at all. So even if she doesn't feel it too, it's just a crush. It hurts, your affection being unrequited --and it sounds like you do need to respect your intuition that she feels differently-- but anxiety over a ridiculous taboo our society has (currently, for the moment) subscribed to surely isn't worth sucking on a shotgun.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Did you know reverse cowgirl is frowned upon in Alabama? Apparently it just ain't right, turning your back on family.

I actually kissed a cousin when I was 15, but I was young and it was a bit weird afterwards. I wouldn't do it at this stage of my life though. But don't beat yourself up about it. It's more common than you might think.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I've had a crush on my cousin before. Some of my cousins have had sex with each other multiple times. It really isn't that uncommon. My parents are in fact cousins, albeit quite distant ones. Don't feel guilty about this. I wanna bang one of my cousins myself right now.

 

[Cevapcici]

Honestly it's not that much of a big deal. In Europe , we always hear about these "I made out with/dated someone then I found out we were cousins at a family gathering " stories from people from people originating from some tiny country's drunken countryside (Portugal, Moldova , Serbia ....). Nature has its glitches, people aren't born with "cousin dars" telling them " according to your lineage it's appropriate/not appropriate to feel attracted to this person".

I mean ofc I don't encourage you to romantically pursue your cousin, but you're really occupying your mind with pointless culpability.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

My god do I get suicidal when I'm drunk..got several guns 3 feet from me...

 

[LastFlowers]

I would not admonish you for the feelings you are having. But things get sticky when one tries to act on such feelings.

This is definitely a topic that is extremely touchy in the real world.
It is often conflated with molestation, rape, and anything that is Not consensual. (I'm writing my response with the assumption that your cousin is not a minor.)
Most people would not even allow themselves to think about it in the terms of two consenting adults.
And if they get that far, they can only think of it as an abominable sin, a criminal act, or in terms of their own familial relationships : Aka "eww I could never think of so&so that way."
A lot of these reactions are not thoughtful and are not bred from any deep discussion on the subject. Because no one wants to talk about it.
That said, I would never enter the minefield that is incest even if I was ever to find myself in a similar position as you.

I do think the possible birth defects and likely societal humiliation (if it got out) should deter anyone who entered such a relationship from having children. Whether or not the science on that is disputable, you would still risk bringing children into the world that would have to deal with the backlash.

The main issue I personally think is
most dangerous/destructive-is that unless you are the last two people left in your family, any pursuit of this could disrupt the entire family structure.
It could rock the boat until the whole vessel and everyone on it sinks.
In most extended family dynamics, the familial relationships are on the same level so to speak, all sharing the similar 'familial love'.
When you single out another family member into a romantic or sexual relationship, you can not only end up hurting yourselves but the rest of the family as well.

There can be a lot of complicated feelings on the whole affair from every corner.
It can even invoke a strange sort of jealousy or a rejected type of response.
No one else in the family may want to be romantic or sexual with you, but they may have feelings or thoughts such as "Why is that person more special than I am? Why did they choose them? Why aren't we as close?"
Think about it almost like favoritism among parents and children..how destructive that ends up being. What it does to the psyche of the children second in demand.
Especially if it is obvious.
...And then there can be feelings of guilt or failed responsibility from the adults, anger from protective siblings or parents, questions of whether one coerced the other. It can go on and on and it's a big mess that can never be swept under the rug once it's given life.

You also risk your own relationship with your cousin if you tell her. You have to decide what is more important to you. The cousin relationship, the bond of blood,
which I think on its own, is very special.
Or the possibility of a different kind of relationship. Which is not as absolute as the former. And by your own words, unlikely since you believe she would not feel the same.
If that ended up being true, it could ruin ANY type of relationship you have with her.
This is not a simple 'follow your heart and don't look back' type of situation. Regrets are to be expected.

Then there's the whole reason you are here. What will this do to your mental health if it doesn't go the way you want it to? What will it do to your heart?
You've got to protect yourself as much as anyone else in this scenario.
I don't know your main reason to CTB or if this is something you believe would positively affect your state of mind if she reciprocated your attraction. Or even if it's something you just want to get off of your chest and you will ctb either way.
I have no idea how far you want to take these feelings. Just that I don't think you deserve to beat yourself up about it.
So all I can ultimately say is weigh the risks vs the benefit. Give it careful thought and attention. Basically sleep on it..heavily. You even gave some credence to the suggestion that the feelings may have manifested as a result of not being around any other people. And that's a perfectly possible explanation.
Either way, sorry you are struggling with this.

 

[sunny.sativa]

I meeeaaaan.. is she your first cousin? I'm .. not a fan of incest, I even hate using the word, it's a gross word.
"Inner-family romance" lmao idfk but if you think this is something you should only share on SS, I'd go with your gut feeling. If you think she might, y'know, feel the same, or even just not be completely put off by it, be honest with her...?
Best of luck, man. That's a tough one.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

I meeeaaaan.. is she your first cousin? I'm .. not a fan of incest, I even hate using the word, it's a gross word.
"Inner-family romance" lmao idfk but if you think this is something you should only share on SS, I'd go with your gut feeling. If you think she might, y'know, feel the same, or even just not be completely put off by it, be honest with her...?
Best of luck, man. That's a tough one.

Yeah idk. I'm better off dead. It's 12:45 am and I'm drunk. I'm so sick of feeling this way about someone I can't have. But the real reason I want to kill myself is because I hate myself so much. I'm a worthless piece of human garbage with no future.

 

[jake3d]

If being secretly in love with your cousin is your only reason, i would not hurry to end it. Really. At least if you are comitted to go with it, go and tell her how you feel first. You got nothing to lose.

 

[sunny.sativa]

Yeah idk. I'm better off dead. It's 12:45 am and I'm drunk. I'm so sick of feeling this way about someone I can't have. But the real reason I want to kill myself is because I hate myself so much. I'm a worthless piece of human garbage with no future.

But you dooooo have a future. It's right in front of you. You're just afraid that it's not gonna be butterflies and rainbows and not go as planned. Hate to break it to ya, but no, it's not. It's not gonna be any of that. Of course you already know that, though, darlin.
We're all pretty worthless on this earth. We don't do much. We make money for ourselves and eat n sleep n shit. Maybe a good film or two between the human bullshit. That's about all. Don't feel too bad about it, you're no better or worse than anyone else.

You're deeeeefinitely not the only one to feel this way about their cousin. It's not a reason to die, it doesn't make you horrible, I promise.

I'm rambling now, I didn't mean to sound rude, but I hope you find some kind of solution for this.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

It would be so easy...AHHH FUCK MY LIFE

But you dooooo have a future. It's right in front of you. You're just afraid that it's not gonna be butterflies and rainbows and not go as planned. Hate to break it to ya, but no, it's not. It's not gonna be any of that. Of course you already know that, though, darlin.
We're all pretty worthless on this earth. We don't do much. We make money for ourselves and eat n sleep n shit. Maybe a good film or two between the human bullshit. That's about all. Don't feel too bad about it, you're no better or worse than anyone else.

You're deeeeefinitely not the only one to feel this way about their cousin. It's not a reason to die, it doesn't make you horrible, I promise.

I'm rambling now, I didn't mean to sound rude, but I hope you find some kind of solution for this.

But that's not my reason to want to die.