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wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Mage
Oct 14, 2023
555
I know it is impossible for me to ever want to live or be happy, but I am trapped here. I can't leave because I just cannot hurt my family. I just can't do it to them.

So I feel that since I'm trapped, I should at least try to make things better for other people in any way I can. But I feel like most things are out of my control. But if there's anything I can do lmk.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,360
That's nice of you to want to help others. In my case, the only way I can be helped is if you had the power to teleport N to my hands as there's nothing in life that works on me. Things like music or TV shows or movies or whatever things people do for pleasure don't really work on me. Maybe drugs or psychedelics or that kind of stuff would work on me but I can't access those things to begin with unless if you had teleportation powers and, if you did have such powers, I'd still would rather take N.

I can't be helped but it's nice that you want to help people here to begin with
 
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Loona KLD

Loona KLD

Loonium Nytewite (LwN₂)
Jul 11, 2024
55
I would love someone to talk to…
 
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killmesoftly

killmesoftly

Member
Oct 15, 2024
29
I'm sorry to ask but can you maybe read my recent post and give me some advice or just help me feel listened to I feel so alone and am having a hard time making friends or finding any comfort on this site and I really need comfort right now desperately
 
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wildflowers1996

wildflowers1996

Mage
Oct 14, 2023
555
That's nice of you to want to help others. In my case, the only way I can be helped is if you had the power to teleport N to my hands as there's nothing in life that works on me. Things like music or TV shows or movies or whatever things people do for pleasure don't really work on me. Maybe drugs or psychedelics or that kind of stuff would work on me but I can't access those things to begin with unless if you had teleportation powers and, if you did have such powers, I'd still would rather take N.

I can't be helped but it's nice that you want to help people here to begin with
I wish I had the power to do that for you. I'm in the UK so cannot easily access it myself.
My problem is that I always feel scared telling people it's ok to ctb - and the reason for that is because I still have this fear of hell, (even though I don't really believe in it, my mind always says "what if you're wrong?") and there's always a part of me saying "what if you tell someone it's ok to ctb and they end up going to hell because of you?"
If I ever get to a point where that's no longer a fear, and I do end up going to Peru for N, we could go together.
I would love someone to talk to…
I'll send you a PM :)
I'm sorry to ask but can you maybe read my recent post and give me some advice or just help me feel listened to I feel so alone and am having a hard time making friends or finding any comfort on this site and I really need comfort right now desperately
No need to apologise! I will have a read and reply to your post, and we can PM too if you like. I'm technically at work at the moment but it's quiet, but if I'm slow to reply it means the phone has rang and I have to answer but hopefully it won't be too busy!
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,360
I wish I had the power to do that for you. I'm in the UK so cannot easily access it myself.
My problem is that I always feel scared telling people it's ok to ctb - and the reason for that is because I still have this fear of hell, (even though I don't really believe in it, my mind always says "what if you're wrong?") and there's always a part of me saying "what if you tell someone it's ok to ctb and they end up going to hell because of you?"
If I ever get to a point where that's no longer a fear, and I do end up going to Peru for N, we could go together.
I'm also in the UK. Also, don't worry, I don't believe in hell. I also believe that ctb is the only way for me to be in a relief as I can no longer suffer if I'm dead. Existence is just painful for me and it will always be painful since that's the curse inflicted upon me due to my neurotype. Also, unfortunately I'm not able to travel to anywhere since the reason why I'm not able to ctb in the first place is because I don't have any autonomy to do anything on my own due to my parents being super strict. I would gladly ctb with SN but the thing is that I can't order it as my mum would just take the package for herself and throw it away. It'd also be super suspicious since I never ordered anything on my own to begin with. Plus I don't really know how to access an anti emetic and all of that. If I had all of that, I'd be at peace and I'd run away from home to ctb.

I'd even be okay with drowning myself at this point but the issue is that I can't find a river that actually seems deep enough for me to drown in. Ugh, I hate being stuck in life with no way to relieve my suffering. I'm just so tired from merely existing and this is something that many people aren't able to comprehend since they have so much energy to do things in life. I genuinely don't understand people here when they talk about how they used to love life or how they find happiness in things. It's just such a bizarre concept to me. It feels so made up tbh
 
lawlietsph

lawlietsph

can we be done here
May 6, 2023
183
I know it is impossible for me to ever want to live or be happy, but I am trapped here. I can't leave because I just cannot hurt my family. I just can't do it to them.

So I feel that since I'm trapped, I should at least try to make things better for other people in any way I can. But I feel like most things are out of my control. But if there's anything I can do lmk.
You are amazing for this.❤️
If anyone could help me with finding a remote job, I would be grateful for the rest of my life 🥹 Obviously it's not that easy. I've been trying for 8 years now with very little luck. I should just die
 
Abyssal

Abyssal

Probably gonna die soon maybe?
Nov 26, 2023
1,331
Glad this post reached a kind audience, you're clearly a good person.

This may sound harsh but don't expect to be able to save others. I've gotten burned by that a couple times on here. It's really best to enjoy the company of others but not place too much love into the relationships. Remember that this is a place people come to when they have decided to kill themselves
 
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