Can you share your voluntary hospitalization stories?

[SelfishMom]

Ctb has been on my mind since July of this year. I found a medicine (my doctor gave me samples) that helps me feel amazing, like a version of myself I've never felt before. Problem is my insurance company will NOT pay for it. I've tried so many different drugs to appease them, my doctor begging, so now we are trying prior authorization paperwork.

In the meantime I'm not on any meds. The urge to ctb is very strong. Logically I know my 8 year old daughter needs me but my brain says everyone would be better off with me dead. My husband knows about how I feel.

Yesterday was very bad. The urge went from planning and making sure everything is just right to just wanting to be dead no matter who it inconvenienced. I experimented with a necktie for partial. It scared me. The survival instinct really freaked me out.

I asked my husband to come home. We talked and I told him about my experimentation. He was torn about whether I needed hospitalization. He decided against it because he was afraid of us losing control of my choices like which hospital I go to. So we decided against it.

To get to the point of this post, I'm not sure whether I'm ready to ctb 100% yet and I wanna try every option. Can anyone with experience tell me what it's like to go through the ER for suicidal intent? The ER we are near has a (supposedly) very good psych ward attached if that matters.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

I've been hospitalized three times in the psych ward for suicidal ideation. In my area, they seem to think that as long as they prevent you from killing yourself in the short term, they've done their job. Two hospitalizations went okay, I saw a doctor who wrote a script for antidepressants, and they waited a few days before sending me home. As you're there, they will ask you if you have any thoughts of harming yourself, and if you give a satisfactory answer they'll release you eventually. The third hospitalization was at another facility because my local psych ward was full and it was a nightmare. I was there for four days without having seen a doctor or getting any meds; they didn't serve any drinks at mealtime (you did have a styrofoam cup to fill with water throughout the day), and I had a killer migraine that they ignored until the third day I was there. They released me on day four with a paper prescription to take home and fill. I lied and said my mental health was fine just to get out of there.

They do search you before you come in to make sure that you don't have anything on you to harm yourself or anyone else with - some places are better than others at allowing you privacy. Some places will limit phone calls, others won't, and some will have groups and maybe if you're lucky a session with a therapist. Everything varies depending on where you are.

I wouldn't say that any hospitalization was a pleasant experience, but the two good ones did allow me to get away from the world and take a break to focus on myself for a bit.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

I voluntarily went to an adolescent psych ward and I was dying of boredom. Other than that I'd say do it so you can say you gave an honest attempt at recovery

 

[SelfishMom]

I've been hospitalized three times in the psych ward for suicidal ideation. In my area, they seem to think that as long as they prevent you from killing yourself in the short term, they've done their job. Two hospitalizations went okay, I saw a doctor who wrote a script for antidepressants, and they waited a few days before sending me home. As you're there, they will ask you if you have any thoughts of harming yourself, and if you give a satisfactory answer they'll release you eventually. The third hospitalization was at another facility because my local psych ward was full and it was a nightmare. I was there for four days without having seen a doctor or getting any meds; they didn't serve any drinks at mealtime (you did have a styrofoam cup to fill with water throughout the day), and I had a killer migraine that they ignored until the third day I was there. They released me on day four with a paper prescription to take home and fill. I lied and said my mental health was fine just to get out of there.

They do search you before you come in to make sure that you don't have anything on you to harm yourself or anyone else with - some places are better than others at allowing you privacy. Some places will limit phone calls, others won't, and some will have groups and maybe if you're lucky a session with a therapist. Everything varies depending on where you are.

I wouldn't say that any hospitalization was a pleasant experience, but the two good ones did allow me to get away from the world and take a break to focus on myself for a bit.

Thanks so much. Will what I say in the ER affect the length of my stay? Like I can't stop thinking of suicide Vs I've been practicing with the tie around my neck? And can I ask for them to give me the meds that I'm waiting on my insurance to approve?

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

Thanks so much. Will what I say in the ER affect the length of my stay? Like I can't stop thinking of suicide Vs I've been practicing with the tie around my neck? And can I ask for them to give me the meds that I'm waiting on my insurance to approve?

From my experience and from what everyone else who I've talked to has said, they take it day by day. If you aren't feeling better, they'll typically give you more time. I don't think that saying you've been considering suicide is enough for a hospitalization, but saying that you have a plan and are tempted to try it will definitely get you admitted. I wouldn't think that telling them that would necessarily make them keep you any "extra" than they would have before. You can certainly try to get them to give you the meds you are waiting on insurance to approve. They very well could. You don't have much to lose...

If you think it will help, have your husband go with you to the er. I know I would have rather had someone with me while I was waiting to be admitted to the ward. It's boring in there, take a book!

 

[lost.ghost]

I voluntary went to the emergency room for suicidal thoughts, from there I stayed in a mental hospital for 1 1/2 months, and there to a residential for a year. I think if you decide to go into one voluntarily you have to be commited to trying to get better. I know a lot of people get tired of being there and start lying to get out. But In my case, mental hospitals have never worked. I've been about 6 times, and soon if not right after I'm back to thinking about suicide

 

[Misanthrope]

Hi there, I wrote about my experience here. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/on-safari-in-the-psych-unit.9610/

 

[AveryConure]

I think if you're trying to get some paperwork done to get the meds you know work really well with you, some hospitals will even help you with that or send an appeal to Medicaid to help you out. If you just need a place to feel safe at for a couple days while they try to sort that out, I say go ahead and talk about your suicidal urges and etc. to the ER. Definitely ask your husband to bring you some books though, it can get really dull in there.

 

[Pointless]

My experience in hospital is actually very bad, but it wasn't really volountary. I tried to ctb so my doctor told me to hospitalize voulontary or he will obligate me and called cops. Anyway, i suffered from withdrawl cause they start gave me other medicines, nurse didn't really care and sometimes they bullied patients, doctors doesn't always visited me, they don't care, sometimes cops come in if a patient try to rebel. There was a lot of solidariety beetwen us, i will never forget that. My advice is to find a good specialized clinic if you want to go, if they actually care about their job it can be very helpfull.

 

[SelfishMom]

I think if you're trying to get some paperwork done to get the meds you know work really well with you, some hospitals will even help you with that or send an appeal to Medicaid to help you out. If you just need a place to feel safe at for a couple days while they try to sort that out, I say go ahead and talk about your suicidal urges and etc. to the ER. Definitely ask your husband to bring you some books though, it can get really dull in there.

I got denied for the medication, so I guess it wasn't meant to be.